Warning: Use of undefined constant memo - assumed 'memo' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 278
홍차넷
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/outlogin_toby.php on line 34
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/outlogin_toby.php on line 45
Warning: Use of undefined constant r - assumed 'r' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/outlogin_toby.php on line 47
Warning: Use of undefined constant r - assumed 'r' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/outlogin_toby.php on line 51
Warning: Use of undefined constant memo - assumed 'memo' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 237
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/outlogin_toby.php on line 34
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/outlogin_toby.php on line 45
Warning: Use of undefined constant r - assumed 'r' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/outlogin_toby.php on line 47
Warning: Use of undefined constant r - assumed 'r' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/outlogin_toby.php on line 51
Warning: Use of undefined constant memo - assumed 'memo' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 237
Warning: Use of undefined constant is_admin - assumed 'is_admin' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/zero_header.php on line 269
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/zero_header.php on line 300
Warning: Use of undefined constant title - assumed 'title' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/bbs_title.php on line 16
티타임
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/bbs_title.php on line 21
Warning: Use of undefined constant header - assumed 'header' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/bbs_title.php on line 31
- 다양한 주제에 대해 자유롭게 글을 작성하는 게시판입니다.
Warning: Use of undefined constant use_formmail - assumed 'use_formmail' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 519
Warning: Use of undefined constant use_category - assumed 'use_category' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/include/print_category.php on line 9
전체기타일상/생각꿀팁/강좌방송/연예도서/문학영화의료/건강문화/예술경제생활체육과학/기술철학/종교정치요리/음식역사여행육아/가정IT/컴퓨터음악창작게임스포츠사회오프모임
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/setup.php on line 29
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Warning: Use of undefined constant memo - assumed 'memo' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 389
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Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 405
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Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 403
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Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 2
Warning: Use of undefined constant HTTP_HOST - assumed 'HTTP_HOST' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/memo_replace.php on line 3
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 10
Warning: Use of undefined constant use_category - assumed 'use_category' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 40
| Date |
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 53 18/12/17 22:25:05 Warning: Use of undefined constant mod_date - assumed 'mod_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 56 |
| Name | The xian |
| Subject | 스물 다섯 살까지 저는 한나라당의 지지자였습니다 (4) |
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(3) 에서 계속됩니다. 지금 와서 당시의 기록을 돌아보면 외환위기와 관련된 여러 징후가 있었다는 것을 알 수 있는 부분들이 있었지만. 저는 그 당시까지만 해도 아직도 보던 뉴스만 보는 사람에 불과했습니다. 당연히 늘 보던, 늘 읽던 뉴스만 봤던 저는 외환위기의 징후를 사전에 알 수 있는 능력이 없었고, 어떤 사람들은 그 외에 작게 보도된, 거짓말은 하지 않았던 뉴스들을 보고 미리 징후를 예측했다고는 하지만 당시의 저는 그런 것을 예측할 수 있는 경제적 식견도 없었습니다. 더욱이 다음 해, 15대 대선을 앞두고 한나라당 측에서 북한 관계자에게 휴전선에서 무력시위를 해 달라고 했던 이른바 '총풍사건'의 전모가 밝혀지며, 저에게 어처구니없음을 선사합니다. 어떻게 스파이나 프락치도 아니고, 대한민국 정당 관계자라는 것들이. 그 동안 정권을 잡아 온 것들이 자기들 선거를 유리하게 하려고 우리의 주적인 북한에게 청탁해 휴전선에서 무력시위를 하게 해 달라고 했는지 저는 이해를 하려고 해도 할 수 없었습니다. 가뜩이나 IMF로 나라 경제를 파탄내놓고 그래서 동기 선배 취업에 대한 부정적인 이야기가 나오는 것도 짜증날 판에. 뭐? 선거를 이기려고 '빨갱이'들에게 '총'을 쏴 달라고 청탁을 했다고요?? 이런 간첩놈들, 반역자들 같으니라고...... (농담 아니라 그 때 보도를 봤던 제 심정이 딱 그짝이었습니다. 아. '빨갱이'와 내통하면 '간첩' 아니던가요? 저는 배운대로 말했을 뿐입니다.) 그 때 아마도 저는 '저러니까 이회창이 졌지'라고 생전 처음으로 한나라당을 욕했던 것 같습니다. 뭐. 지금 와서 다시 생각해 보면 그 세력들은 자기 권력 유지를 위해 필요하다면 주적으로 불리는 자들과도 내통할 수 있는 자들이었던 것이다 싶긴 합니다. 현재의 자유한국당 및 그 전신을 이루었던 족속들의 본성과 자질이 그 모양 그 꼴밖에 안 되었을 뿐이지 그 전까지 아무도 문제삼지 않았을 뿐이라고 봐야 맞을 정도로, 그들이 그 이전, 그 이후에 저지른 일들을 떠올려 보면 그들의 행동은 너무나 한결같긴 합니다. 어쨌거나...... 이런 정치, 사회적인 부분 뿐만 아니라 개인적으로도 1997년-1998년은 여러 가지 변화가 많고 힘든 시기였습니다. 군대에 가야 하느냐 말아야 하느냐로 어머니와도 의견이 충돌했고 아버지였던 사람은 이미 가정에 도움이 되지 않았습니다. 하지만 그것보다도 제가 살던 집의 소유권을 아버지였던 사람과 친가 쪽에서 제대로 정리하지 못해 그 일을 저희 세 식구가 모두 떠안게 된 것이 가장 큰 문제였습니다. 그리고 그 문제의 책임은 순전히 제 친가 어르신들과 제 아버지였던 사람들에게 있습니다. 문제는 간단했고 중대했습니다. 제가 태어날 때, 아니, 태어나기 전부터 살아 있었으니 집을 점유하고 있는 것은 우리 가족이었지만 알아보니 이미 남의 등기로 되어 있는지 꽤 오래 되었는데 이를 제대로 처리하지 않으신 것입니다. 얼척없게도 어떤 토지나 건물을 20년간 점유한 자는 소유권을 얻을 수 있다는 말만 믿고 - 제가 개인적으로 법조항을 찾아보니 그런 말이 민법에 있기는 합니다만. 이미 등기가 되어 있는 경우는 해당사항이 없습니다. 나중에 알아 보니 소송 가도 진다고 하더군요 - 그걸 집안 어른들이 그대로 내버려두는 말도 안 되는 짓을 했지요. 친가쪽 중 아무도 그것을 도와주지 않는 상황에서 어머니는 억울함을 호소하기 위해 법원이고 어디고 다 돌아다녔습니다. 한 푼 없는 알거지로 길거리에 나앉게 될 뻔한 상황이었지만, 친가쪽은 푼돈 쥐어준 한두 명 정도 빼고 누구도 저희 식구를 도와주지 않았고 오히려 제 외가 쪽에서 도움을 주었습니다. 결론적으로 그 곳이 재개발지구가 되며 어찌어찌 전세를 얻어서 빠져나왔는데, 이제 와서 이야기지만 전세를 얻어서 나갈 정도가 된 것은 순전히 어머니 덕이었고 천행 중에 천행이었습니다. 제가 제 친가였던 족속들을 더 용서할 수 없는 이유는. 제 어머니는 장손 며느리도 아닌데 할아버지를 모시고 살았습니다. 치매 걸린 할아버지가 행패를 부리고 집에 쓰레기를 들여놓는 짓을 하는 것까지 감수하면서 그 분을 돌아가시기까지 모시고 살았습니다. 그럼에도 친가쪽에서 저희 가정에 대해 대접을 그 따위로 하신 것이죠. 어머니는 그 후 정식 이혼절차를 밟으셨습니다. (어쩌면 그 전부터 밟으셨던 것인지도 모르겠습니다. 어머니의 개인적인 일이기도 해서 제가 딱히 정확한 시기를 묻지는 않았습니다) 그리고 제 친가였던 집안도 아버지였던 사람도 저는 그 이후로 용서하지 않게 되고 연락도 하지 않고 있습니다. 그리고 저는 그 때를 시작으로 - 엄연히 제 개인적인 생각에서 그렇게 본 것이지만 - 가족(나라)의 자산을 날려먹고 가족 구성원(국민)의 믿음을 저버린 행동이라는 점에서 제가 개인적으로 당한 일이 국가적으로 겪었던 IMF나 총풍 사건 등과 딱히 다를 바가 없다고 생각하게 되었지요. 그렇게 되자 제가 가졌던 한나라당에 대한 지지도, 제 삶에 대한 확신도. 그 전부터 겪었던 여러 가지 일들이 겹치고 겹치며 뿌리부터 흔들리기 시작합니다. 그 전까지는 머리로만 괴로워했다면, 이제는 몸도 마음도 모두 괴로워지는 수준까지 이르게 된 것입니다. 제가 광주에 대해 민주화운동을 부정하는 스탠스를 조금이라도 취했던 것은 2000년 봄인가. 그 때가 마지막이 됩니다. 그리고 어느 때부턴가 저는 더 이상 정치에 대한 이야기를 자신있게 말하지 못하는 꿀 먹은 벙어리가 됩니다. 내 집은 없는데 빚만 쌓여 버린, 그런 어려운 환경 속에서 저는 어쨌든 버틸 수 있는 만큼 버텼습니다. 아니. 버텨보려고 애를 썼다는 표현이 맞겠습니다. 연구도 열심히 했고 대학원을 통해 연구자의 길을 걸으리라는 기대를 가지며 이것저것 힘든 일들을 버텼습니다. 하지만. 그렇게 버티고 버텼지만, 결과적으로 저는 제 꿈을 이어갈 수 있는 한 발 앞에서 좌절하고 무너지고 말았습니다. 물론 1998년 이후 주위 환경이 IMF 때문에 얼어붙었던 것을 이야기하지 않을 수는 없고 저도 제 장래가 뒤틀렸던 과정과 환경에 대해 넷상이나 오프라인으로 그렇게 말한 적은 있지만 이제 와서 생각해 보면 다 부질없는 소리고, 그 연유가 무엇이든 간에 제가 무너진 건 제 책임일 뿐이다 싶습니다. 다른 무엇보다 제가 실패해 어머니에게 거짓 희망을 안겨드린 나쁜 아들이 되고 만 것이 제가 두고두고 후회되는 일입니다. 공백이 있었지만 졸업을 했기 때문에 대학생도 아니고 연구요원이나 병역특례도 받을 수 없던 저는 어려운 가정환경을 뒤로 하고 군대에 가야 했습니다. 약 한달여 뒤면 해가 바뀌는 스물 다섯 살의 11월 30일. 저는 늦은 나이에 입대하면서 모든 것을 내려놓게 됩니다. 제 앞길을 막는 데에 상당한 영향을 주고 나라 경제를 망가뜨린 한나라당에 대한 지지도, 지난 15년여 간의 공부로 쌓아올린 것들도, 연구자의 꿈을 어떻게든 다시 이어 갈 희망도, 모든 것을 말이죠. 저는 이 날 이후로 누구에게도 한나라당을 지지한다고 말하지 않게 되지만. 이미 그 당시에는 지지 정당이 어디냐가 그렇게 중요한 게 아니었습니다. 모든 것이 사라지면서, 저는 길을 잃었기 때문입니다. - To Be Continued... - Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 133 Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 146 Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 161 8 이 게시판에 등록된 The xian님의 최근 게시물
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118738 class="iamcmt" style="display:none;"> Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 66
118738 class='vcm '>
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 70
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 71
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 76
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 117
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 118
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118738'> 사탕무밭
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Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 140
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18/12/17 22:58
118738>삭제 주소복사
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 150
어머니가 정말 대단한 분이시네요. 본인은 무척 힘드셨겠지만 사람의 향기가 여기까지 전해오는 느낌입니다. 저도 그런 분들(상대가 어떤 사람이든 간에 자신의 도리를 다 하는 부류의 사람들)을 만나 본 적이 있는데, 기억 속에서 가장 오래 남는 그런 분들입니다.
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 158
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 166
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 171
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
1
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 158
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 166
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 171
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
1
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