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홍차넷
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Warning: Use of undefined constant is_admin - assumed 'is_admin' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/zero_header.php on line 269
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/zero_header.php on line 300
Warning: Use of undefined constant title - assumed 'title' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/bbs_title.php on line 16
티타임
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/bbs_title.php on line 21
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- 다양한 주제에 대해 자유롭게 글을 작성하는 게시판입니다.
Warning: Use of undefined constant use_formmail - assumed 'use_formmail' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 519
Warning: Use of undefined constant use_category - assumed 'use_category' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/include/print_category.php on line 9
전체기타일상/생각꿀팁/강좌방송/연예도서/문학영화의료/건강문화/예술경제생활체육과학/기술철학/종교정치요리/음식역사여행육아/가정IT/컴퓨터음악창작게임스포츠사회오프모임
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| Date |
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 53 19/10/26 00:51:38 Warning: Use of undefined constant mod_date - assumed 'mod_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 56 |
| Name | 멍청똑똑이 |
| Subject | 외로움을 뜨는 시간 |
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바닷가의 모래 알갱이는 무척 곱다. 물을 묻혀 손으로 꼭 쥐면 알갱이들이 서로를 꽉 쥔다. 그렇게 때로는 힘주고, 때로는 토닥이며 나름의 모양새를 만들지만, 작은 바람이나 파도에도 산산이 부서지고야 만다. 우리는 모래알 같다고 생각했다. 힘써 뭉쳐져 있어도, 산산이 부서지고야 마는. 사랑을 증거로 남기고 싶어 하는 마음은 누구나 조금씩 있을 것 같다. 무척 관념적이어서 어떠한 정의도 다 사랑 같다가 어떠한 정의도 사랑의 근처에도 가지 못하는. 어쩌면 가장 외로운 단어일지도 모른다는 생각이 든다. 그래서 무엇으로 기념하고, 증거 하고, 그토록 갈망하는 것일지도 모른다. 나를 찾는 전화벨이 울린 지 꽤 많은 시간을 보냈을 때, 나는 휴대폰으로 동냥을 하고 있었던 걸까 싶은 생각이 들었다. 차가운 계단에 쭈그려 앉아 작은 소쿠리를 내밀고, 동전 대신에 관심을 빌어먹었던 걸지도 모른다. 하지만 알다시피, 그런 게 아니다. 사실은, 별 상관이 없다. 실제로 우리가 뭉쳐있든, 흩어지든 간에 그런 걸로는 모를 일이다. 나를 한 번도 찾지 않은 사람들이, 나의 부고에는 소정의 마음을 담아 울음 지으며 인사를 건넬 거라는 생각을 했다. 이런 생각이 떠오를 때면 나는 외로움을 찾아가는 사람 같았다. 우리는 오로지 남으로만 살아간다. 그거야 말로 평화로운 일이었다. 무소식이 희소식이라는 말이 생각난다. 나의 무소식이 누군가에게 희소식일까. 소식 없는 이들의 소식에 덜 외로워질 수 있을까. 그럴 리가 없었다. 하지만, 때때로 나는 긴 밤을 오로지 기다리고만 싶었다. 굳이, 그렇게 내가 외로운 사람인 것을 애써 찾아내고자 했다. 왜 평화로운 날에 그대로 마침표를 찍지 못할까. 하늘은 푸르렀고, 밥은 맛있었고, 해야 할 일을 했고, 무척 적절한 하루를 보낸 어느 날에는 꼭 그랬다. 혼자여도 괜찮았을 하루에 구태여 다른 이를 찾아 두리번대고, 그러나 대뜸 시간을 같이 보내달라는 말은 없이, 가만히 기다려보는 것이다. 그렇게 외로움을 기다리다 보면, 긴 밤도 함께 지나간다. 문득, 생선회를 뜨는 것에 대해 이야기하고 싶어 졌다. 수조에서 펄떡이는 생선이 바구니에 담기면, 생선은 침착하게 펄떡인다. 방어, 그래 방어가 좋겠다. 방어는 적당히 꼬리를 왼쪽으로, 오른쪽으로 퉁퉁 도마 위를 튕기며 도망가려 한다. 그런데 아가미가 물 바깥에선 호흡이 되던가?라는 생각이 들을 때쯤 야구 배트 같은 게 방어의 이마빡을 후려친다. 땅! 하고 마치 쇠를 두들기는 소리가 난다. 두 대면 방어는 파르르 떨지도 않고 차렷, 하고 선다. 꼬리를 쓱 베고 아가미 사이로 칼을 콱 쑤셔 넣는다. 이윽고 뻘건 피가 도마를 적시면 쇠고리에 몸뚱이를 탁, 걸어둔다. 조금의 시간이 지나면 핏물이 대충 다 빠지기 마련이다. 배를 가르고, 내장을 싹 긁어낸다. 미간에 송곳을 쿡 박았다 빼면 척추 구멍이 보인다. 솜씨 좋게 긴 쇠줄을 척추 구멍에 꽂아 꼬리 끝까지 빼낸다. 앞뒤로 서너 번을 슥삭거리며 신경을 끊어낸다. 이미 목숨을 잃은 방어는 이제 무슨 수를 써도 움직일 수 없다. 무척이나 평화로워진 몸뚱이를 기세 좋게 반으로 가르기 시작한다. 뼈 마디마디에 칼등을 딱 붙이고 깔끔하게 살을 도려내어 흰 수건 위에 척척 올린다. 기운차고 커다란 방어 한 마리는 그렇게 횟감이 된다. 외로운 날에 글을 쓰는 것은 그런 느낌이다. 누군가에게 말을 걸거나, 시간을 내 달라고 하는 일이 무서워서, 혹은 그렇게 몇 번의 연락을 돌리다가 별 일 없이 집에 들어오는 일이 싫어서. 머리를 빠따로 후려친다는 생각으로 책상 앞에 앉는다. 베였던 마음을 꺼내면 말라붙은 딱지가 있고, 그걸 쩌적이며 뜯어내면 방어에서 피를 빼듯 축축한 마음이 슬렁슬렁 번져간다. 수압이 센 샤워호스로 핏물을 닦아내듯이 한 문단 문단마다 물질을 한다. 솔직한 단어 하나를 쓸 때면 배를 가르고 내장을 꺼내 툭, 쓰레기통에 버리는 느낌과 흡사하다. 그 단어가 원래는 사람에게 갔어야 할 단어인데, 어쩌다 보니 글 바닥 위에 쏟아진 까닭이다. 나머지는 그저 특별할 것 없는 일이다. 쓸쓸함의 뼈대를 발라내고, 열심히 헤엄치던 몸뚱이를 토막 내고 나면 비로소 외로움의 편린은 조각나 흩어진다. 스스로를 아무리 깨부수어도, 모래알을 벗어나지 못하고. 뿌리를 아무리 내려도, 엮어갈 이음새가 없다. 막다른 벽에 등을 기대고, 하루의 눈을 감는다. 까만 어둠이 내려앉으면, 어디에고 있던 외로움마저 조금씩, 자취를 감춰간다. 살점을 다 발라낸 방어의 서더리가 매운탕이 되길 기다리며 까만 봉다리 안에서 삐걱이듯, 나의 마음도 외로움을 기다린 척을 하며 이불속에서 삐걱인다. Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 133 Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 146 Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 161 16
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Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 577
Warning: Use of undefined constant grant_delete - assumed 'grant_delete' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 577
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 429
Warning: Use of undefined constant use_formmail - assumed 'use_formmail' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 605
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 599
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 599
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 600
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 600
Warning: Use of undefined constant is_admin - assumed 'is_admin' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 605
Warning: Use of undefined constant is_admin - assumed 'is_admin' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 605
Warning: Use of undefined constant is_admin - assumed 'is_admin' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 609
Warning: Use of undefined constant is_admin - assumed 'is_admin' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 609
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 614
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 616
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 618
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 618
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 612
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 612
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 620
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 628
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 628
Warning: Use of undefined constant HTTP_HOST - assumed 'HTTP_HOST' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 640
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 644
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 646
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 646
Warning: Use of undefined constant HTTP_HOST - assumed 'HTTP_HOST' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/cmt_replace.php on line 3
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 6
Warning: Use of undefined constant file_name - assumed 'file_name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 28
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 65
133596 class="iamcmt" style="display:none;"> Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 66
133596 class='vcm '>
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 70
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 71
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 76
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 117
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 118
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 119
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 120
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 121
133596'> 알료사
Warning: Use of undefined constant mod_date - assumed 'mod_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 133
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 140
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 140
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 142
19/10/26 01:14
133596>삭제 주소복사
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 150
매운탕 마시쪄 매운탕에 쏘쥬 마시쪄
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 158
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 166
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 171
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 158
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 166
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 171
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
133596>
133596>
