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홍차넷
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티타임
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- 다양한 주제에 대해 자유롭게 글을 작성하는 게시판입니다.
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전체기타일상/생각꿀팁/강좌방송/연예도서/문학영화의료/건강문화/예술경제생활체육과학/기술철학/종교정치요리/음식역사여행육아/가정IT/컴퓨터음악창작게임스포츠사회오프모임
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| Date |
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 53 23/10/11 15:52:06 Warning: Use of undefined constant mod_date - assumed 'mod_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 56 |
| Name | 거소 |
| Subject | 남 탓 |
|
회사를 관두고 싶다고 생각한 지는 반년이 지났지만 마땅히 해야할 이직 준비는 하지 않는다. 더 좋은 회사를 가고 싶다는 목표는 있지만 더 나은 개발자가 되고 싶다는 마음이 드는 것은 아니다. 무언가를 더 잘 할 수 있는 사람보다는, 무언가를 더 주렁주렁 매달고 사는 사람이 되는 것이 목적이라고 생각하면 거추장 스럽게 매달린 욕심들을 죄다 쥐어 뜯어내고 싶다는 충동이 든다. 보이지 않는 욕심들이 사지에 바퀴처럼 매달려 하루를 굴러가게 하는 것. 망망대해 위에서 풍랑을 타며 흔들리는 것이 삶인가 했지만, 요새는 어디서 붙였는지도 모를 제멋대로인 바퀴를 단 고물 자동차가 되어 잘 닦인 도로를 미끄러지는 것이 더 비슷하다는 느낌이 든다. 며칠 전 으레 남들이 그렇듯 해외여행을 다녀왔다. 핑계는 많았지만 그 중 하나였던 재충전이 된 것 같지는 않다. 충전. 비워진 게 있어야 채우는 것도 있는 것 아닌가? 마음속에 그릇 자체가 없어진 것 같을 때는 채워야 할 모양새도 떠오르지 않는 셈이다. 아닌가? 어쩌면 항상 다 채워져 있어서 충전할 여지도 없는건가? 뭐든간에 재충전같은 핑계를 대며 떠나보면 그럭저럭 순간순간 즐겁고, 재미나면서도 집에 돌아오고나면 다시는 여행따윈 가지 않으리라는 생각을 하게 된다. 비행기가 뜰 때에는 희박한 확률의 죽음이 무척 두렵다. 정작 평소에는 바라는 것이 별 없는 사람처럼 굴면서도 이토록 죽음을 두려워 하는 것을 보면 스스로가 우습다는 생각을 한다. 살고 싶어 안달이 난 주제에 살아가는 시간이 무료하다고 투덜대는 꼴이란. 아, 내년엔 언제쯤 또 여행을 가볼까? 분명 며칠 전 귀국할때는 다신 여행 안 간다고 했었지만 벌써 도망칠 생각이 든다. 막상 새로운 지역에 가서 돈을 쓰고 밥을 먹고 잠을 자는 일은 크게 특별할 것이 없다. 사람 사는 곳이 다 얼추 비슷하고.. 나는 여행이 좋은게 아니라 아무튼 도망이 치고 싶은 것 같다. 도망을 치는 방법이 끽해야 여행가는 정도가 떠오르는 빈약한 상상력을 탓해야지. 무엇을 외면하고 어디로 도망이 치고 싶은걸까? 도망친 곳에서는 다시 일상을 그리워하고, 일상에 다다르면 도망을 치고싶어하는 청개구리 심보는 어쩌다 생겼는지.. 요새는 즐겁고 기쁜 일들이 밋밋하고, 짜증과 화는 유독 더 크게 마음이 요동친다. 별 것 아닌 일들에 더 크게 욱하는 스스로를 돌아보면 왜 이렇게 고슴도치처럼 가시를 삐죽대지 못해 안달인가 싶다. 스트레스가 심한가 싶기도 하지만 또 가만히 생각해보면 그리 나쁜 일이 많지 않은 하루하루를 보낸다는게 더 답답하다. 회사가 더럽게 나쁘다든지, 인간관계가 박살이 났다든지, 누가 갑질을 한다든지, 돈이 너무 없어서 힘들어 죽겠다든지.. 뭐 그럴싸한 이유도 없이 불만이라는 찌꺼기가 흐르지 않고 쌓여간다. 같은 하루라고는 단 하루도 없는게 인생의 묘미인데, 무엇으로 이렇게 붕 떠서 사는지 모르겠다. 멀리서 보면 수많은 사람들 중 평범한 한 명으로 돈을 벌고, 일을 하고, 가정을 이루고, 밥을 먹고, 잠을 자고, 놀러도 가는 행복한 사람 아닌가? 삶이 비루하든 화려하든 앵콜요청은 금지인데 기분 같아서는 이거 다 무효다 리허설이다 하며 꽤액 성질을 내고 싶다. 뭘 채우든 비우든 간에 이 허무함과는 조금이라도 더 멀어지고 싶어 발버둥치지만 어째 더 가까워 지기만 하는지. 누군가 모난 곳은 깎아내고 거친 곳은 긁어내어 새까만 홀 안에 굴려넣을 당구공을 만드는 것 처럼 내 인생도 그렇게 주물럭 댄다고 남 탓을 하고 싶다. 아무튼 나 때문은 아닐거라니까? Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 133 Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 146 Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 161 9 |
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Warning: Use of undefined constant HTTP_HOST - assumed 'HTTP_HOST' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/cmt_replace.php on line 3
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 6
Warning: Use of undefined constant file_name - assumed 'file_name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 28
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 65
187970 class="iamcmt" style="display:none;"> Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 66
187970 class='vcm '>
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 70
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 71
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 76
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 117
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 118
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 119
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 120
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 121
187970'> Only
Warning: Use of undefined constant mod_date - assumed 'mod_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 133
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 140
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 140
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 142
23/10/11 22:39
187970>삭제 주소복사
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 150
저번부터 느낀거지만 저랑 삶의 김상이 매우 비슷하신 것 같습미다.
근데 아마 이런 생각하고 사는 젊으니가 28만5천명쯤은 있지 않을까 싶기도 합미다.
사람 사는거 다 거기서 거기고, 그럭저럭 만족하고 살아야힌다고 생각하다가도 이게 정답일리 없다는 느낌만 가득해지고 그렇습미다.
아무튼 anyway 그럼에도 불구하고,
아직 우린 젊으니까 좀 더 인생을 즐겨봅시다-!
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 158
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 166
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 171
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
근데 아마 이런 생각하고 사는 젊으니가 28만5천명쯤은 있지 않을까 싶기도 합미다.
사람 사는거 다 거기서 거기고, 그럭저럭 만족하고 살아야힌다고 생각하다가도 이게 정답일리 없다는 느낌만 가득해지고 그렇습미다.
아무튼 anyway 그럼에도 불구하고,
아직 우린 젊으니까 좀 더 인생을 즐겨봅시다-!
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 158
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 166
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 171
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
187970>
187970>