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홍차넷
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티타임
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- 다양한 주제에 대해 자유롭게 글을 작성하는 게시판입니다.
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전체기타일상/생각꿀팁/강좌방송/연예도서/문학영화의료/건강문화/예술경제생활체육과학/기술철학/종교정치요리/음식역사여행육아/가정IT/컴퓨터음악창작게임스포츠사회오프모임
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| Date |
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 53 16/07/15 10:48:49 Warning: Use of undefined constant mod_date - assumed 'mod_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 56 |
| Name | Yato_Kagura |
| Subject | 빡이 차오른다 |
|
학생시절 블로그에 끄적였던 일기인데 오늘 다시 읽어보니 꽤 웃겨서(..) 한번 올려봅니다. 일기다 보니까 비속어 및 반말체는 이해를 좀 해주십사.. --------------------------------------- 요즘들어 그냥 뭔가 주변 상황이 약간만 거슬려도 갑자기 빡이 머리끝까지 차오른다. 그것도 하루에 몇번씩이나. 그렇다고 뭐 그럴때마다 주변사람한테 화내고 신경질적으로 행동하고 괜한 트집잡고 그런 트롤짓을 하진 않지만, 평정심을 유지하면서 빡을 가라앉히는게 말처럼 쉽지가 않다. 며칠전부터 같이 자취하는 친척누나도 그렇고 실습나가서 하루종일 같이 일하는 교수님도 그렇고 '너 요즘 왜그렇게 기분이 안좋아 보이냐'라고 물어보는걸 보면 대놓고 표출만 하지 않았지 내 얼굴만 봐도 그게 다 보이나보다. 하긴 내가 원래 거짓말하는데 좀 많이 서툴긴 하다. 뜬금없지만, 거짓말에 서툰것 역시 나에겐 너무나도 큰 단점이다. 나의 저런 성향은 인터넷에 접속하는순간 더욱 심해진다. 원래부터 넷상에선 그런 성향이 좀 있었지만(...) 요즘은 훨씬 심해졌다. 조금만 거슬리는 글이나 리플을 보면 갑자기 열이 확 뻗쳐서 그냥 지나치질 못하고 바로 키배에 들어가고, 예전같으면 좀 이상하지만 그럴수도 있지 하며 '이 병신에게 먹이를 주지 마시오' 하면서 넘어갈만한 주제인데도 무조건적으로 상대를 굴복시키려고 하거나 비아냥대며 상대를 조롱하게 된다. 심지어는 나에게 있어선 유일하게 '현실과 연결된' 인터넷 공간인 페이스북에다가도 욕과 거친 말들을 적는 일들도 많아졌다. 물론 터무니없는 이유에서 화가 나는것도 아니고 내가 보기엔 다 타당한 이유들이 있어서 화가 나는거긴 하지만, 지금까지 살아오면서 그런것들을 수도없이 봐왔고 또 볼때마다 그럴수도 있지, 하면서 넘어가고 화를 낼 필요성자체를 못느꼈던 경우가 대부분이었는데 갑자기 두세달전부터 그런것들을 하나하나 볼때마다 매우 빡치고, 그냥 묵과하기 힘들어서 리플을 달려는 충동을 이기지 못하는 경우가 많아졌다. 이쯤되니, 성격을 넘어서 분노조절장애가 아닌가 하는 상당히 오버스러운 걱정까지 생기기 시작했다. 그래서 상담받으러갈 시간도 여건도 안되는탓에 땜빵으로 인터넷에 있는 성격테스트같은걸 해보려고 찾아봤더니 에고테스트 라는 꽤 믿을만한 테스트가 있어서 해보니 (mbti테스트는 무료검사가 없다고 한다.쓰읍..) BBABA, 허영과 분별의 줄다리기 타입이란다. 생각과 계획은 합리적이나 주변사람들의 시선을 신경쓰다보니 합리적인 계획을 실제로 실현하는데 성공하는 경우는 별로 없다는데, 생각해보니 맞는말이기도 하고 요즘 나의 스트레스 원인도 저것때문인가..하는 생각도 들었다. 결과지에는 합리적인 생각과 계획을 주변사람들의 시선까지 고려해가며 끝까지 실천하는 것은 성인군자도 못할 일이니 범인인 당신이 하지 못하는것은 당연하다..라고 쓰여 있었는데 무릎을 탁! 칠만큼 공감하지는 않았지만 어쨌든 주변상황이 거슬린다는것은 내 생각과 계획대로 되지 않는다는것이라고도 할수 있으니 대충 끼워맞추면 맞는 말인듯 했다. 하지만 그렇다고 내 생각을 일일이 다른사람들에게 설파하며 '그렇게 하는것보다 이렇게 하면 더 잘될수 있다, 네가 하는짓은 이러한 이유로 인해서 좋지 않다' 라고 지적하는것은 내 일시적인 빡침을 해소하기위해 병신짓거리를 하는것과 다를바가 없다. 왜나하면, 내 생각은 순전히 나 혼자만의 생각에서 나온 것이므로 다른 사람의 생각보다 항상 더 좋다고 자신할수 없기 때문에 자칫하면 머리도 나쁘면서 나서기만 좋아하는 병신중의 병신이 될 가능성이 크고, 또한 나의 생각이 다른사람의 생각보다 좋다라고 할지언정 듣는 사람에게는 어떻게 말을 하든 자신의 행동과 생각을 지적당하는 것이기때문에 기분이 나쁠 수밖에 없고, 나에 대해서 부정적인 생각을 하게 될수밖에 없다. 결국 감정 하나 못이겨서 나 스스로를 깎아먹는 행동이 되어버린다. 그렇다면 남은 해결책은 더 넓은 포용력을 가지는 것인데, 그렇다면 그전까지 넓었던 포용력이 갑자기 줄어들었느냐? 그건 또 아닌것같다. 생각해보면 예전에는 주변사람의 거슬리는 행동이나 거슬리는 상황등을 보아도 나 자신을 상대 혹은 그 상황에 대입했을 때 뚜렷하게 나은 해결책을 찾을 자신이 없었기 때문에 별다른 감정변화 없이 그냥 넘어갔었던 것 같다. 하지만 지금은 그런 상황이나 그런 행동을 마주했을 때,'나라면 이런 상황을 만들지 않기 위해서 이런 행동이나 이런 말은 하지 않았을 텐데' 혹은 '이렇게 하면 서로 편하게 좋게좋게 할수 있는데' 하는 생각부터 든다. 때문에 나보다 더 좋은 판단과 행동과 언행, 아니 적어도 나와 비슷한 수준의 판단과 행동과 언행을 보여주지 않는 주변 사람들로 인해 답답해지고 화가 치밀기 시작하는것 같다. 생각이 여기에까지 미치자, 요즘의 이러한 극단적인 성격의 변화는 사리분별능력이 갑자기 성장하면서 생기는 일종의 성장통이라고 결론을 내리게 되었다. 결국 빡치는것도 환경에 대한 일종의 반응이니, 시간이 지나면서 점점 무뎌지고 조절할줄 알게 될것이다. 그전까지는 이것을 최소한 행동이나 말로써 주변에다 표출하는 일만 잘 컨트롤하면서 버티는 수밖에 없는것 같다. 물론 성격이 이렇게 변함(진짜 성격이 변한건지 아니면 일시적인 지랄인지는 잘 모르겠지만)으로 인해 좋은점도 생겼다. 평소 불같은 성격을 가진 사람 Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 133 Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 146 Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 161 0 |
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Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 620
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 628
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 628
Warning: Use of undefined constant HTTP_HOST - assumed 'HTTP_HOST' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 640
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 644
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 646
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 646
Warning: Use of undefined constant HTTP_HOST - assumed 'HTTP_HOST' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/cmt_replace.php on line 3
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 6
Warning: Use of undefined constant file_name - assumed 'file_name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 28
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 65
46675 class="iamcmt" style="display:none;"> Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 66
46675 class='vcm '>
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 70
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 71
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 76
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 117
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 118
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 119
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 120
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 121
46675'> 사이버 포뮬러
Warning: Use of undefined constant mod_date - assumed 'mod_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 133
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 140
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 140
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 142
16/07/15 17:29
46675>삭제 주소복사
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 150
아..저도 요즘 정말 작은 일에도 울컥울컥 짜증이 ..그럴때 진짜 누가 말만 걸어도 뾰족하게 대답이 나가고 그래서 상대방에게 상처를 주게 되네요. 이러면 안 되는데..
그런데 일기라니;; 글로 표현을 참 잘하시네요. 저는 도저히 이렇게 표현이 안되던데...
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 158
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 166
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 171
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
그런데 일기라니;; 글로 표현을 참 잘하시네요. 저는 도저히 이렇게 표현이 안되던데...
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 158
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 166
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 171
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
46675>
46675>