Warning: Use of undefined constant memo - assumed 'memo' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 278
홍차넷
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/outlogin_toby.php on line 34
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/outlogin_toby.php on line 45
Warning: Use of undefined constant r - assumed 'r' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/outlogin_toby.php on line 47
Warning: Use of undefined constant r - assumed 'r' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/outlogin_toby.php on line 51
Warning: Use of undefined constant memo - assumed 'memo' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 237
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/outlogin_toby.php on line 34
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/outlogin_toby.php on line 45
Warning: Use of undefined constant r - assumed 'r' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/outlogin_toby.php on line 47
Warning: Use of undefined constant r - assumed 'r' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/outlogin_toby.php on line 51
Warning: Use of undefined constant memo - assumed 'memo' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 237
Warning: Use of undefined constant is_admin - assumed 'is_admin' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/zero_header.php on line 269
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/zero_header.php on line 300
Warning: Use of undefined constant title - assumed 'title' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/bbs_title.php on line 16
티타임
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/bbs_title.php on line 21
Warning: Use of undefined constant header - assumed 'header' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/bbs_title.php on line 31
- 다양한 주제에 대해 자유롭게 글을 작성하는 게시판입니다.
Warning: Use of undefined constant use_formmail - assumed 'use_formmail' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 519
Warning: Use of undefined constant use_category - assumed 'use_category' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/include/print_category.php on line 9
전체기타일상/생각꿀팁/강좌방송/연예도서/문학영화의료/건강문화/예술경제생활체육과학/기술철학/종교정치요리/음식역사여행육아/가정IT/컴퓨터음악창작게임스포츠사회오프모임
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/setup.php on line 29
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Warning: Use of undefined constant memo - assumed 'memo' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 389
Warning: Use of undefined constant memo - assumed 'memo' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 389
Warning: Use of undefined constant memo - assumed 'memo' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 389
Warning: Use of undefined constant memo - assumed 'memo' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 389
Warning: Use of undefined constant memo - assumed 'memo' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 389
Warning: Use of undefined constant memo - assumed 'memo' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 389
Warning: Use of undefined constant memo - assumed 'memo' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 389
Warning: Use of undefined constant memo - assumed 'memo' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 389
Warning: Use of undefined constant memo - assumed 'memo' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 389
Warning: Use of undefined constant memo - assumed 'memo' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 389
Warning: Use of undefined constant memo - assumed 'memo' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 389
Warning: Use of undefined constant memo - assumed 'memo' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 389
Warning: Use of undefined constant memo - assumed 'memo' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 389
Warning: Use of undefined constant memo - assumed 'memo' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 389
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 398
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Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 405
Warning: Use of undefined constant total_comment - assumed 'total_comment' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 406
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Warning: Use of undefined constant total_comment - assumed 'total_comment' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 406
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Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 403
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Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 2
Warning: Use of undefined constant HTTP_HOST - assumed 'HTTP_HOST' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/memo_replace.php on line 3
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 10
Warning: Use of undefined constant use_category - assumed 'use_category' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 40
| Date |
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 53 21/04/14 23:44:24 Warning: Use of undefined constant mod_date - assumed 'mod_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 56 |
| Name | Jaceyoung |
| Subject | 1년간 펜을 놓은 이유, 지금 펜을 다시 잡은 이유. |
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방금 검색해보고 왔는데, '티타임 게시판'에 마지막으로 글을 남긴게 2020년 1월, 그리핀에 들어간다는 글이네요. 글쓰기에 취미를 붙인 이후 이렇게까지 오래 펜을 놔본적이 없는 것 같은데, 어쩌다 이렇게 됐나 하고 생각해봤는데 애초에 글쓰기만 멈춘 것이 아니라, 거의 모든 취미생활이 그 시점 이후에 다 멈췄더라구요. 게임도 일과 관련 있는 AOS 게임들을 제외하면 엔딩까지 제대로 끝까지 플레이 해본 게임이 단 하나도 없고 운동, 여행, 책 읽기, 영화, 스포츠 시청 등... 대부분의 취미 활동이 숨만 붙어 있는 상태로 답보 상태. 지난 1년 반 동안 뭘했나 하고 돌아보니, 그냥 개처럼 밥먹고 잠자고 일만 한 것 같아요. 자고 밥먹고 일하고 자고 밥먹고 일하고 그냥 그렇게 산거죠. 일이 너무 재밌어서, 늦은 나이에 커리어 패스를 180도 바꾸고 도태될까봐 불안해서도 이유 중 하나가 되겠지만, 취미생활, 특히 그 중 글쓰기를 멈춘 더 근본적인 원인은 '책임감에서 기인하는 죄책감'인 것 같아요. "그 사건" 이후 그리핀 이라는 팀에 대해 많은 분들이 가지고 있는 이미지를 생각하면 좀 의아하실수도 있는데, 저는 그리핀에서 일하는 시간 한 순간 순간이 전부 더없이 소중하고 좋았어요. 1년 남짓의 짧은 시간동안 관록이 뭔지, 책임이 뭔지, 승부가 뭔지 배울 수 있었고. 과분하게도 너무 많은 좋은 사람들과 알게 되고, 심지어 같이 일할 수 있기 까지 했거든요. 무엇보다도 특정 분야에서 최고를 두고 다투는 사람들이 가진 재능이 얼마나 화려하게 빛나는지를 바로 옆에서 지켜 볼 수 있었던 것은 정말 희귀하고 값진 경험이었습니다. 그러나 제가 그 시간을 소중하고 좋아했던 것과 별개로 팀은 작년 내내 매우 힘겨운 시간을 보냈고, 그 가운데서 끊임없이 수렁에서 벗어나기 위해 나는 지금 뭘 해야 할까? 하고 고민해야만 했습니다. 하스스톤 리그를 보려고 하면 "이럴 시간에 롤 리그 한 게임 더 보고 분석해야 하지 않을까?" 하는 생각이 들었고 홍차넷에 글 하나 쓰려고 하면 "이럴 시간에 팀 이미지를 재고할 수 있는 글 하나를 써야 하지 않을까?" 하는 생각이 들었어요. 왜냐면 지금 이 사람들하고 꼭 같이 성공하고 싶었으니까요. 딴 짓을 하려고 들면 함께 성공을 이야기 하는 그들이 눈에 아른 거리고, 꼭 배신하는 것 같은 느낌이 들었어요. 그래서 취미와 일 사이에서 항상 일을 택했습니다. 글을 쓸 거면 트래픽 나오는 사이트에서 롤 글을 쓰고, 게임을 할 거면 최소한 영감이라도 얻을 수 있도록 롤을 하자. 그렇게 말이에요. 그렇지만 결과적으로 제 능력이 많이 모자라서 일은 잘 풀리지 않았고, 어쩔 수 없는 이별의 때를 맞이하게 되었습니다. 앞에서 이끌어주던 사람들이 먼저, 나란히 서서 걷던 사람들이 그 다음, 마지막으로 내가 이끌어야 했던 사람들 한명 한명 직접 발로 뛰며 떠나 보내야 했는데, 돌이켜 봐도 너무나도 힘든 시간이었어요. 다행히 대부분 좋은 자리를 찾아갔지만, 그렇지 못한 사람도 있었고, 아직도 미안한 마음이 큽니다. 그렇게 팀이 없어지고, 아니 내 손으로 팀을 없애고 이직을 하게 되었는데, 그래서 리프레쉬 하겠다. 내 시간을 찾겠답시고 잔뜩 이것저것 새로 샀습니다. 게임기, 책, 화장품, 신발, 전자기기, 닭가슴살. 등등... 근데 이 모든게 다 또 뒷전이 되었어요. 대체 전생에 얼마나 좋은 일을 많이 했는지, 또 한번 저는 함께 하는것이 고마운 사람들과 믿고 따를 수 있는 사람 밑에서 남에게 부끄럽지 않은 철학을 가지고 일하게 되었거든요. 한번 상실의 아픔을 크게 겪고 나니, 책임감과 죄책감의 기전은 더 커졌고, 이번만큼은 정말로 이런 느낌으로, 이직 전 보다 더 미친놈처럼 일에 몰두하게 됐습니다. 입사를 1월에 했는데, 1, 2월의 기억이 아예 없어요. 일 말고 정말 아무것도 한게 없거든요. 근데 3월 중 하루, 친한 형과 이 내용을 주제로 이야기 하다가 "지금 니가 회사에 플러스가 되는 사람인지 객관적으로 잘 생각해봐라. 늪에서 허우적 대면 더 깊이 빠진다" 라는 말을 들었는데, 그 말을 듣자마자 정신이 확 들었어요. 왜냐면 어렴풋이 최근 시간 대비 생산성이 줄어든걸 조금 느꼈거든요. 잠을 적게 자니 조금만 움직여도 피곤하고, 다른 취미 활동을 안하니 머리가 굳어지고, 항상 압박감 속에서 행동하니 예민해지고, 조크나 아이디어들도 묘하게 패턴화가 된다는 느낌? 물론 지금은 여전히 여력이 남아 있다고 확신하지만, 그와 동시에 '얼마 남지 않았다' 라는 생각도 선명해졌습니다. 이제 그래서 좀 천천히, 차분하게 할까 해요. 마음은 여전히 바뀌지 않았습니다. 지금 함께 일하는 사람들이 좋고, 회사가 좋습니다. 여기서, 이 사람들과 함께 성공하고 싶어요. 꽤 절실합니다. 다시는 상실의 아픔을 느끼기 싫고, 그 마음은 그대로입니다. 근데 그러려면 먼저 내가 이 조직에서 잘 돌아가는 톱니바퀴가 되어야 하고, 그러려면 다시 내 인생을 좀 살아야 할 것 같아요. 이대로면 곧, 아니 어쩌면 지금도 나는 발버둥치며 늪으로 조직을 끌고 들어가는 사람 일 수도 있을 것 같아서. 탐라나 AMA, 질문 게시판에는 꽤 자주 글을 남기러 왔고, 눈팅은 계속 햇지만, 이제서야 돌아왔다?는 느낌이 듭니다. 다들 오랜만이에요. 보고싶었습니다. Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 133 Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 146 Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 161 28 이 게시판에 등록된 Jaceyoung님의 최근 게시물
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Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 6
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155728 class="iamcmt" style="display:none;"> Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 66
155728 class='vcm '>
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 70
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 71
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Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 119
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155728'> 주식하는 제로스
Warning: Use of undefined constant mod_date - assumed 'mod_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 133
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 140
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 140
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 142
21/04/14 23:57
155728>삭제 주소복사
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 150
제이스님의 재기발랄한 글들이 그리웠습니다. 많이 많이 써주세요 ;)
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Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
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1
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1
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