Warning: Use of undefined constant memo - assumed 'memo' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 278
홍차넷
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/outlogin_toby.php on line 34
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/outlogin_toby.php on line 45
Warning: Use of undefined constant r - assumed 'r' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/outlogin_toby.php on line 47
Warning: Use of undefined constant r - assumed 'r' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/outlogin_toby.php on line 51
Warning: Use of undefined constant memo - assumed 'memo' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 237
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/outlogin_toby.php on line 34
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/outlogin_toby.php on line 45
Warning: Use of undefined constant r - assumed 'r' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/outlogin_toby.php on line 47
Warning: Use of undefined constant r - assumed 'r' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/outlogin_toby.php on line 51
Warning: Use of undefined constant memo - assumed 'memo' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 237
Warning: Use of undefined constant is_admin - assumed 'is_admin' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/zero_header.php on line 269
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/zero_header.php on line 300
Warning: Use of undefined constant title - assumed 'title' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/bbs_title.php on line 16
추천
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/bbs_title.php on line 21
Warning: Use of undefined constant header - assumed 'header' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/bbs_title.php on line 31
- 회원들이 추천해주신 좋은 글들을 따로 모아놓는 공간입니다.
- 추천글은 매주 자문단의 투표로 선정됩니다.
Warning: Use of undefined constant use_formmail - assumed 'use_formmail' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 519
Warning: Use of undefined constant use_category - assumed 'use_category' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/include/print_category.php on line 9
전체기타일상/생각꿀팁/강좌게임문학영화의료/건강문화/예술경제체육/스포츠과학철학/종교정치/사회요리/음식역사여행IT/컴퓨터음악창작사진
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/setup.php on line 29
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/setup.php on line 41
Warning: Use of undefined constant memo - assumed 'memo' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 389
Warning: Use of undefined constant memo - assumed 'memo' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 389
Warning: Use of undefined constant memo - assumed 'memo' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 389
Warning: Use of undefined constant memo - assumed 'memo' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 389
Warning: Use of undefined constant memo - assumed 'memo' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 389
Warning: Use of undefined constant memo - assumed 'memo' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 389
Warning: Use of undefined constant memo - assumed 'memo' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 389
Warning: Use of undefined constant memo - assumed 'memo' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 389
Warning: Use of undefined constant memo - assumed 'memo' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 389
Warning: Use of undefined constant memo - assumed 'memo' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 389
Warning: Use of undefined constant memo - assumed 'memo' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 389
Warning: Use of undefined constant memo - assumed 'memo' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 389
Warning: Use of undefined constant memo - assumed 'memo' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 389
Warning: Use of undefined constant memo - assumed 'memo' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 389
Warning: Use of undefined constant memo - assumed 'memo' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 389
Warning: Use of undefined constant memo - assumed 'memo' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 389
Warning: Use of undefined constant memo - assumed 'memo' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 389
Warning: Use of undefined constant memo - assumed 'memo' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 389
Warning: Use of undefined constant memo - assumed 'memo' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 389
Warning: Use of undefined constant memo - assumed 'memo' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 389
Warning: Use of undefined constant memo - assumed 'memo' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 389
Warning: Use of undefined constant memo - assumed 'memo' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 389
Warning: Use of undefined constant memo - assumed 'memo' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 389
Warning: Use of undefined constant memo - assumed 'memo' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 389
Warning: Use of undefined constant memo - assumed 'memo' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 389
Warning: Use of undefined constant memo - assumed 'memo' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 389
Warning: Use of undefined constant memo - assumed 'memo' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 389
Warning: Use of undefined constant memo - assumed 'memo' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 389
Warning: Use of undefined constant memo - assumed 'memo' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 389
Warning: Use of undefined constant memo - assumed 'memo' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 389
Warning: Use of undefined constant memo - assumed 'memo' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 389
Warning: Use of undefined constant memo - assumed 'memo' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 389
Warning: Use of undefined constant memo - assumed 'memo' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 389
Warning: Use of undefined constant memo - assumed 'memo' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 389
Warning: Use of undefined constant memo - assumed 'memo' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 389
Warning: Use of undefined constant memo - assumed 'memo' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 389
Warning: Use of undefined constant memo - assumed 'memo' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 389
Warning: Use of undefined constant memo - assumed 'memo' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 389
Warning: Use of undefined constant memo - assumed 'memo' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 389
Warning: Use of undefined constant memo - assumed 'memo' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 389
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 398
Warning: Use of undefined constant subject - assumed 'subject' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 402
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 403
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 405
Warning: Use of undefined constant total_comment - assumed 'total_comment' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 406
Warning: Use of undefined constant subject - assumed 'subject' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 402
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 403
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 405
Warning: Use of undefined constant total_comment - assumed 'total_comment' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 406
Warning: Use of undefined constant subject - assumed 'subject' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 402
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 403
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 405
Warning: Use of undefined constant total_comment - assumed 'total_comment' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 406
Warning: Use of undefined constant subject - assumed 'subject' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 402
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 403
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 405
Warning: Use of undefined constant total_comment - assumed 'total_comment' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 406
Warning: Use of undefined constant subject - assumed 'subject' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 402
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 403
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 405
Warning: Use of undefined constant total_comment - assumed 'total_comment' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 406
Warning: Use of undefined constant subject - assumed 'subject' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 402
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 403
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 405
Warning: Use of undefined constant total_comment - assumed 'total_comment' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 406
Warning: Use of undefined constant subject - assumed 'subject' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 402
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 403
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 405
Warning: Use of undefined constant total_comment - assumed 'total_comment' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 406
Warning: Use of undefined constant subject - assumed 'subject' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 402
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 403
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 405
Warning: Use of undefined constant total_comment - assumed 'total_comment' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 406
Warning: Use of undefined constant subject - assumed 'subject' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 402
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Warning: Use of undefined constant total_comment - assumed 'total_comment' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 406
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 2
Warning: Use of undefined constant HTTP_HOST - assumed 'HTTP_HOST' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/memo_replace.php on line 3
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 10
Warning: Use of undefined constant use_category - assumed 'use_category' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 40
| Date |
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 53 17/02/06 06:58:11 Warning: Use of undefined constant mod_date - assumed 'mod_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 56 |
| Name | 알료사 |
| File #1 | 2017_02_06_04_36_17.jpg (119.7 KB), Download : 18 |
| Subject | 고3 때 |
 수능 끝나고 기말고사를 안봤습니다. 일자리 찾으러 돌아다녔어요. 전 핸드폰이 없었어서 집전화만 불이 나게 울려댔겠죠. 집에만 오면 엄마가 제발 학교 가랍니다. 선생님한테 전화와서 지금 당장 학교 안오면 퇴학처리 하겠다 그랬다고. 퇴학 그렇게 쉽게 되는거 아니야 엄마.. 그리고 내가 지금 학교 나가게 생겼어? 집에 난방도 못해서 냉방에서 겨울 나야 하는데. 그것보다 당장 우리 뭐 먹어. 그건 엄마 아빠가 알아서 할테니까 넌 시험이나 봐. 며칠 남지도 않았는데 잘 다니다가 왜 그래. 알아서 잘 했으면 지금 이모양이겠어 맨날 찾아오는 빚쟁이 아저씨들이나 어떻게 좀 해보고 그런 얘기 하든가. 그렇게 부모님 가슴에 못이란 못은 아프게 다 박아놓고 집에 전화기 선 뽑아놓고 벼룩시장 들고 공중전화박스 가서 초조하게 여기저기 전화를 걸었어요. 요새는 중고딩들도 알바 잘만 하던데 그때는 왜 그렇게 학생이라고 안써줬는지 모르겠습니다. 스무살이라고 속이고 면접보러 가서 결국 학생이라고 안된다고.. 제가 너무 다급해서요.. 몇개월만 있으면 졸업인데 좀 써주시면 안될까요.. 그렇게 몇군데에서 사정을 했는지 모르겠습니다. 어렵게 주유소에서 일하게 됐는데 한 보름쯤 일했을 때 무릎이 너무 아팠습니다. 어떻게든 한달 채우고 돈 받고 그만두려 했는데 이십일째인가.. 자고 깨보니 아예 딛고 서질 못하겠는 겁니다. 냉장고 같은 방 안에서 이불을 몇겹으로 둘러싸고 모태천주교였지만 중학교 입학 이후로 믿지 않았던 신을 몇년만에 찾았습니다. 지금 이 다리가 저를 일어설 수 없게 할거라면 차라리 제 목숨을 거두시지 그러십니까. 아무리 아파도 참을테니 그저 일어설 수 있게만 해주세요. 끝내 못나갔습니다. 지금은 한달 안채우고 그만둬도 다 돈 받는 방법이 있다던데 그당시 저는 근로법이나 그런거 하나도 몰라서 중간에 그만두면 돈 못받는걸로 생각했어요. 권리라든지 그런 개념보다는.. 제가 일을 못나간게 너무 미안했으니까요.. 아무튼 그해 겨울은 그렇게 방안에서만 보냈습니다. 성당 같은 곳에서 쌀하고 라면을 보내줘서 굶진 않았습니다. 학교도 끝까지 안나갔는데 같은 학교 2년 후배인 동생이 제 졸업장을 받아서 제게 갖다 주었습니다. 봄에 알바 면접을 봤는데 한번에 됐어요. 지난 가을을 생각하니까 꿈만 같았습니다. 편의점이었는데 봄이라 그렇기도 하고 실내에서 일하니까 따뜻하고 좋았습니다. 주유소처럼 뛰어 다닐 일도 적어서 아직 완쾌되지 않은 다리로도 일할 수 있었어요. 다른 알바들 빵꾸날 때 점장님께 말했습니다. 그 시간 제가 할께요. 그 당시의 저는 마치 우리나라 최고의 대기업에라도 취직한 기분이었습니다. 새벽에 폐지 수집하고 귀가하면서 컵라면 하나씩 사드시던 노부부 아침 출근길 담배러시 상가건물 위층 학원 쉬는시간마다 몰려오던 초글링들 잔돈 바꾸러 와서 수다 떨고 가곤 했던 옆집 치킨집 아주머니 할인마트 가격이랑 비교하면서 여긴 왜 이렇게 비싸냐고 불평하던 아이엄마들 공중전화로 고향에 안부 전하던 동남아 노동자 야자시간에 잠시 머리 식히러 들른 수험생들 근처 나이트 클럽에서 일하는 듯한 러시아 미녀들 셈을 잘 못해 인수인계때 계산을 정확히 맞춘 적이 손에 꼽았는데도 난 무조건 널 믿으니 부담갖지 말라던 점장님 그들과 부대끼며 전 행복했을까요 알바비 받는 족족 급한 쓰임에 들이부어야 하는 상황에서 점장님은 날 참 좋아해 주시면서도 항상 그런 이야길 했었어요 네 상황이 어떤지 자세히는 모르지만 좀 웃으라고 저는 속마음과는 달리 근무태도의 일환으로 항상 밝게 보이려 노력했는데 남들이 보기에는 그렇지 않았나 봅니다. 웃는 상이 아니라는 말도 많이 듣고 그때 이후로도 가까운 친구들은 이해해 주었는데 꼭 제 삼자가 끼는 술자리나 그런 비슷한 모임에서는 초면인 사람들한테까지 한소리를 들었습니다. 오늘 기분이 별로 안좋으신가봐요, 라든가 눈에 힘좀 빼셔도 될거 같은데요, 같은 농담이라든가 이 악물고 눈 똑바로 떠야만 견딜 수 있었던 시절이라서 그렇지 않아야 할 자리에서까지 그 자세를 풀지 못했던것 같습니다. 그래요 아마도.. 그때 누가 알료사씨는 행복이 뭐라고 생각하세요, 하고 물어 왔다면 저는 상대방이 무안해할만한 차가운 대답을 씹어 뱉었을 것입니다. (너희들이 내 삶에 도움되지 않는 사람이라도 괜찮다.. 하지만 나보고 너희들과 함께 웃자고 권유하지는 말아 다오..) 오래 전 일입니다. 지금은 요령은 생겼는데 아직도 잘 안 웃어지기는 해요. 정모 때 황정민 닮았다는 말을 자리 옮겨가며 세번 들었는데, 제 스스로 보기에 별로 안 그런거 같으면서도 딱 하나 수긍가는 모습이 찡그린 듯한 웃는 표정이에요. 한때 '근육 미소'라는 별명도 붙었던, 노력하는 웃음. 오랫동안 그렇게 웃다보니 이제는 정말 좋아서 웃어도 그런 표정이 나오는거 같아요. 어려서 드라마를 안봐서 친구들 대화에 못 끼었습니다. 드라마 나오는 사람들이 너무 잘 사는거 같아서 못보겠더라구요. 남녀 주인공들 알콩달콩 꽁냥대는것도 싫었습니다. 우연히 본 첨밀밀을 좋아하게 되었는데 그 영화에 감명받은건 자동차 키스신도, 장만옥이 뉴옥 거리를 달리는 장면도, 등려군의 사망 뉴스가 나오는 티비 앞에서의 재회장면도 아니었습니다. '잠바 한벌만 입고 하루종일 일했어' 라는 여명의 대사였어요. 이후 아르바이트만 전전했습니다. 피씨방,노래방,독서실 총무,골프연습장,리니지 사무실,노가다,공장.. 저에게는 알바가 아니라 직장이었어요. 거쳐 갈 자리가 아니라 거기서 돈 버는게 제 전부였으니까요. 서든어택이 나온 시기에 오버워치가 나와서 서든어택이 '명예로운 죽음'을 당했다는 유머가 있더군요. 저는 지금 시대의 취업난 덕분에 '명예로운 알바인생'을 산거 같아요. 저는 원래 알바밖에 할게 없는사람인데 많은 능력있는 젊은이들이 취직을 못하니 어째 비슷해진 기분이랄까요? 그렇게 여기저기 굴러다니다 보니 밑바닥 인생도 사회라고 이런저런 인맥도 생기고 낙하산 아닌 낙하산으로 월급은 쥐꼬리만하지만 자기 시간 많고 겉으로 남들 눈에 직장인처럼 보이는(...) 지금의 일터에 자리잡게 되었는데 아직도 막막합니다. 주변의 많은 사람들이 세상을 떠났어요. 아버지는 제가 스물 일곱때 길에서 넘어져 머리를 부딪혔습니다. 병원에서 계속 전화가 왔고 제가 전화를 안받았더니 문자가 거의 백통은 온거 같아요. 제 동의 없이 수술을 했고 돌아가셨습니다. 저는 움직일 수 없었어요. 가을이었고 김치냉장고 공장이 성수기라 철야로 일하던 때였습니다. 위트라는 공장이었는데 자체 브랜드도 있었지만 삼성에 납품을 했습니다. 24만원에 만들어 25만원에 삼성에 넘기면 삼성은 그걸 50만원에 팔았대요. 불량이 나면 수리비용은 위트에서 물었답니다. 그런데 그렇게 대당 만원을 버는게 자체 브랜드를 판매하는 수입보다 훨씬 많았대요. 누군가의 집에 초대받아 갔는데 삼성 김치냉장고가 있으면 그때 생각이 납니다. 아버지 수술할 때 내가 만들었던 김치냉장고. 불효자식. 별다른 가책도 없었어요. 아버지 많이 미워했거든요. 돈도 못벌고 엄마 괴롭히고 집 날려먹고. 잘 죽었다. 했습니다. 그런데 이상하게 그때 이후로 아버지가 잘해준 기억만 떠올랐어요. 비오는데 우산 안가져온 날 아버지가 우산 가지고 학교 왔을때 저는 다른 아이들 부모들이 자가용 가지고 태우러 온거랑 비교돼서 싫었습니다. 겨울에 등교할 때 입은 교복에서는 아버지가 다려준 다리미의 열기가 묻어있었지만 저는 교복 위에 좋은 외투를 덧입디 못해 싫었어요. 그 외에도 누가 죽고 또 누가 죽고 그랬어요. 전쟁 난것도 아니고 전염병이 돈 것도 아닌데 왜 그렇게들 죽는지. 대부분 자살이었습니다. 사설도박사이트에 빠졌던 아는 형이 결혼을 앞두고 자살한 이후부터는 토토커뮤니티의 '한강 간다'드립이 농담으로 안보이더라구요. 어느 순간부터 저는 자살을 옹호하게 되었습니다. 자살한 사람들을 약한 사람이라 말하기 싫어졌어요. 이 밑으로 정치적 입장을 조금 썼다가 지웠습니다. 타임라인에서 토비님 꿈에 제가 나와 nl들의 명맥을 끊어주겠다는 대사를 날렸다는걸 보고 그동안 정치떡밥 열심히 피한거 같은데 역시 티가 났나 싶어 부끄러웠습니다 ㅋ 지금까지 쓴건 모두 아주 옛날 일들입니다. 저는 많이 변했어요. 육체적으로나 정신적으로나 게으르고 나태해졌고 대인관계도 능글능글해졌습니다. 요 며칠간 티타임에 올라온 몇몇 글들을 읽고 갑자기 저도 제 이야기를 하고픈 충동이 생겨 적어나가다가 방향을 잃었기도 하고 지금을 이야기하는 분들에게는 저도 지금의 저로 받아주어여야 맞는거지 과거의 저를 소환하는건 좀 아닌거 같다는 생각이 갑자기 들었어요. 지금의 저를 드러내는게 많이 두렵습니다. 인증사진 올려서 다른곳에 퍼지는 것보다 더 무서워요. 부끄럽지 않은 삶을 살고 싶은데 뜻대로 안되네요. 좋은 글은 좋은 삶에서 나온다고 믿는데 부끄러운 삶을 사니 부끄러운 글이 나오네요. 홍차넷 회원분들 모두들 행복하셔야 해요. * 수박이두통에게보린님에 의해서 티타임 게시판으로부터 게시물 복사되었습니다 (2017-02-20 09:11) * 관리사유 : 추천게시판으로 복사합니다. Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 133 Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 146 Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 161 40
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Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 612
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 612
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 620
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 628
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 628
Warning: Use of undefined constant HTTP_HOST - assumed 'HTTP_HOST' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 640
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 644
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 646
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 646
Warning: Use of undefined constant HTTP_HOST - assumed 'HTTP_HOST' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/cmt_replace.php on line 3
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 6
Warning: Use of undefined constant file_name - assumed 'file_name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 28
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 65
8092 class="iamcmt" style="display:none;"> Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 66
8092 class='vcm '>
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 70
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 71
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 76
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 117
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 118
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 119
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 120
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 121
8092'> 삼공파일
Warning: Use of undefined constant mod_date - assumed 'mod_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 133
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 140
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 140
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 142
17/02/06 07:08
8092>삭제 주소복사
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 150
하루키 장편 읽은 기분이네요. 뜬금포로 전공투 얘기 나오는 것처럼 갑자기 NL 얘기 나오는 것도 비슷해요. 이 이야기 쓰시고 마음이 조금이라도 치유되셨다면 좋겠네요. 하루키는 자기 마음도 치유하고 돈도 엄청 많이 벌다니 부럽...
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 158
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 166
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 171
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 158
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 166
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 171
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
8092>
8092>
