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홍차넷
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Warning: Use of undefined constant is_admin - assumed 'is_admin' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/zero_header.php on line 269
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Warning: Use of undefined constant title - assumed 'title' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/bbs_title.php on line 16
티타임
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/bbs_title.php on line 21
Warning: Use of undefined constant header - assumed 'header' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/bbs_title.php on line 31
- 다양한 주제에 대해 자유롭게 글을 작성하는 게시판입니다.
Warning: Use of undefined constant use_formmail - assumed 'use_formmail' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 519
Warning: Use of undefined constant use_category - assumed 'use_category' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/include/print_category.php on line 9
전체기타일상/생각꿀팁/강좌방송/연예도서/문학영화의료/건강문화/예술경제생활체육과학/기술철학/종교정치요리/음식역사여행육아/가정IT/컴퓨터음악창작게임스포츠사회오프모임
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Warning: Use of undefined constant subject - assumed 'subject' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 402
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 403
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 405
Warning: Use of undefined constant total_comment - assumed 'total_comment' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 406
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Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 2
Warning: Use of undefined constant HTTP_HOST - assumed 'HTTP_HOST' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/memo_replace.php on line 3
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 10
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| Date |
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 53 18/09/16 04:22:29 Warning: Use of undefined constant mod_date - assumed 'mod_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 56 |
| Name | 우분투 |
| Subject | 냉동실의 개미 |
|
냉동실 바닥에 죽어있는 날파리를 보니 몇 년 전 일이 떠오른다. 나는 열여덟 살이었고 1학기 중간고사를 앞두고 있었다. 내 동기들은 시험이 다가오면 공부를 했다. 그들은 졸리지 않을 때면 책상 앞에 앉아 공부를 했고 졸릴 때는 교실 뒤편 스탠딩 책상에서 공부를 했고 그마저 여의치 않을 때면 복도의 냄새 나는 신발장 위에 책을 두고 공부를 했다. 나는 그 원동력을 알지 못했다. 실은 내가 그러지 않는 원동력도 잘 알지 못했다. 많은 사람이 내게 게으르게 산 것을 후회하지 않느냐고 묻는다. 나는 후회하지 않는다고 말하는 편이다. 차라리 야간자율학습 시간에 성실히 나와서 후회한다고 덧붙인다. 나는 그때도 애매한 인간이었다. 적어도 선생님이 계실 때는 야간자율학습에 출석했다. 조용히 놀았다. 책을 읽거나 글을 쓰거나 복도 멀리 가서 친구와 몇 시간이고 이야기를 나누었다. 그럼으로써 나는 선생님과는 적당한 신뢰를 쌓았다. 친구와는 적당한 유흥을 즐겼다. 선생님이 퇴근하시는 날이면 즐겁게 나가 놀았다. 나는 선생님을 기꺼이 거스르지 못한 사실을 후회한다. 내가 공부를 하지 않자 어머니와 학원 선생님은 조바심을 내셨다. 하지만 중간고사는 그럭저럭 넘길 수 있었다. 갓 수학여행에 다녀왔던 것이 좋은 핑계가 되었다. 사람들은 내가 아직 흥분이 가시지 않은 상태라 게으르다고 생각했다. 짝사랑하던 친구에게 성급하게 접근하고 퇴짜 맞은 일도 변명이 되었다. 아무런 준비도 없이 시험을 보았다. 사회탐구 과목을 빼면 나쁘지 않았다. 외우지 않아도 할 만한 것들이었으니까. 사회탐구 과목들은 6등급이었다. 그 아래 등급 친구들은 평소에 무슨 생각을 하고 살아가는지 궁금해 했던 기억이 난다. 기말고사 준비 기간은 문제가 되었다. 수학여행 핑계는 더 이상 댈 수 없었다. 짝사랑의 핑계도 댈 수가 없었다. 사람들은 왜 공부를 하지 않냐고 내게 물었다. 그것은 내게 이상한 질문이었다. 마치 나에게 공부를 하지 않는 어떤 중대한 이유가 있는 것처럼 들렸다. 나는 그저 공부할 기분이 들지 않았을 뿐이다. 수시가 확대되었다거나 대학을 잘 가는 편이 좋다는 사실을 모르지는 않았다. 그저 할 기분이 들지 않았고 그래서 하지 않았다. 이 문장이 그렇게도 이해하기 어려울까. 그 무렵 답지를 베끼기 시작했다. 물론 그전에도 종종 답지를 베끼곤 했지만 본격적이지는 않았다. 학원에서는 숙제를 해오면 같은 반 친구들끼리 바꾸어 채점하도록 되어 있었다. 답지는 검색하면 잘 나왔다. 나오지 않으면 그냥 풀었다. 여러 모의고사를 짜깁기한 숙제도 일일이 해당 모의고사를 찾아서 베꼈다. 직접 풀었을 때보다 시간은 더 많이 들었을 테지만 더 즐거웠다. 나는 그로써 공부하는 척을 할 수 있었다. 진실을 가리고 안온한 나태를 즐기면서는 주로 소설을 읽거나 썼다. 인터넷으로 문창과 지망생과 열심히 합평도 했다. 당시의 문장이 지금 것보다 두 배는 좋았을 거라는 생각이 든다. 분명 이런 구린 문장은 아니었다. 본업이 아니었기 때문에 집중해서 잘 할 수 있었다. 본업이 아니었기 때문이라는 말은 중요하다. 인생에 낭비되는 시간은 없고 소설을 읽고 쓰던 게으른 한때도 어떤 방식으로든 내게 도움이 됐을 것이다. 문제는 나는 지금까지 계속해서 게으르다는 점이다. 짝사랑하던 친구는 내게 한량이 싫다고 했다. 예전에 스스로 한량이라 자랑스러웠다. 나는 적어도 모교에선 최고의 한량이었다. 성실히 야자에 출석해서 선생님께 좋은 이미지를 쌓았다. 철저한 척으로 주변 어른들을 기만할 수도 있었다. 나는 내 시간과 여유를 즐기며 하고 싶은 일을 하고 친구들과 선생님이 안 계시는 날 저녁, 주에 두 번 삼겹살 회동을 했고 좋은 카페에도 다녔다. 하지만 앞의 내용은 중요하지 않다. 중요한 것은, 내 성적이 나쁘지 않았다는 점이다. 이 문장 하나로 모든 사항이 재평가된다. 나는 멍청하지만 내가 멍청하다는 사실을 모를 만큼 멍청하지는 않다. 대학에 오고 내가 멍청하다는 팩트를 직시했다. 대학 공부를 고교 공부하듯이 대충 버틸 만큼 나는 천재적이지 않고 어쩌면 지능도 평균보다 떨어질지도 모르는 일이다. 집안 사정도 이젠 한가로이 나태를 즐길 만큼 좋지 않다. 문제는 내가 성실해지자고 다짐하다 보면 과연 행동이 사고를 견인하는지, 아니면 그 반대인지 고민하거나 패배주의가 게으름의 원인인지 아니면 게으름이 패배주의의 원인인지 고민에 빠지고 마는 류의 인간이라는 것이다. 이런 인간에게도 제 앞가림을 해야만 하는 순간이 온다. 글을 어떻게 시작하고 어떻게 끝낼 것인지 고민하는 동안 냉동실을 잊고 열어뒀었다. 문을 닫으려 가까이 다가가 보니 아까 죽어있던 날파리는 없고 새로운 날파리가 죽어있는 것 같은 기분이 들었다. Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 133 Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 146 Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 161 15
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Warning: Use of undefined constant use_formmail - assumed 'use_formmail' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 605
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Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 618
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 612
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 612
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 620
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 628
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 628
Warning: Use of undefined constant HTTP_HOST - assumed 'HTTP_HOST' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 640
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 644
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 646
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 646
Warning: Use of undefined constant HTTP_HOST - assumed 'HTTP_HOST' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/cmt_replace.php on line 3
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 6
Warning: Use of undefined constant file_name - assumed 'file_name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 28
Warning: Use of undefined constant file_name - assumed 'file_name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 29
Warning: Use of undefined constant file_name - assumed 'file_name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 29
Warning: Use of undefined constant file_name - assumed 'file_name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 29
Warning: Use of undefined constant file_name - assumed 'file_name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 29
Warning: Use of undefined constant file_name - assumed 'file_name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 48
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 65
114924 class="iamcmt" style="display:none;"> Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 66
114924 class='vcm '>
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 70
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 71
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 76
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 117
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 118
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 119
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 120
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 121
114924'> 알료사
Warning: Use of undefined constant mod_date - assumed 'mod_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 133
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 140
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 140
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 142
18/09/16 04:56
114924>삭제 주소복사
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 150
게으름은 춫천
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 158
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 166
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 171
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
1
114924>
114924>
