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홍차넷
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티타임
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- 다양한 주제에 대해 자유롭게 글을 작성하는 게시판입니다.
Warning: Use of undefined constant use_formmail - assumed 'use_formmail' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 519
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전체기타일상/생각꿀팁/강좌방송/연예도서/문학영화의료/건강문화/예술경제생활체육과학/기술철학/종교정치요리/음식역사여행육아/가정IT/컴퓨터음악창작게임스포츠사회오프모임
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| Date |
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 53 16/12/16 17:14:09 Warning: Use of undefined constant mod_date - assumed 'mod_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 56 |
| Name | 민달팽이 |
| Subject | 딸바보와 바보딸 |
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쿨쩍. 싸늘한 새벽공기와 입가의 축축한 느낌에 잠에서 깬다. 하도 무거워서 덮으면 가위눌릴 것 같은 그 이불이 또 내 코까지 엎어져 있어. 몇 년을 한결같이 영하로 떨어진다는 일기예보가 나온 날에는 항상 이런 식으로 잠을 깨곤 한다. 아빠는 유별스럽기로 유명했다. 유별스럽게 예뻐했으면 모르겠는데 내 기억에 아빤 그냥 유난스러웠다. 대학 신입생 오티에서 몇 학번 선배라며 마주앉아 소주잔을 내밀었을 때 나는 당황했다. 이걸 내가 따라야 하는 건가. 머릿속엔 아빠 말씀이 맴돌았다. 아람아, 여자는 아무에게나 술을 따르는 게 아니야. 나중에 커서 결혼 할 사람한테나 하는거지. 늘 스스로 잔을 채우시며 말씀하시던 아빠. 어색하게 잔을 채우고 대충 넘어갔지만, 그 때의 불쾌감은 아직도 가끔 생각난다. 내가 꼭 아빠를 실망시킨 것 같은, 그런 마음이 내내 얹혀 있었다. 그런 불편한 기분을 당시에는 아빠에 대한 원망으로 덮어버렸다. 내 잘못이 아니야. 이건 아빠가 유별스럽게 나를 키워서 그런거야. 골목 앞 친구집에서도 외박 한 번 못하게 하고, 밤늦게 연락이 없으면 받을 때 까지 전화하던 우리 아빠. 아빠 때문이야. 한 번은 전철이 끊길 때 까지 일부러 모른 척 하고 있다가 전화를 해서 친구집에서 자고 내일 가겠다고 슬쩍 말을 꺼냈더니 아빤 어디냐고 묻고서 곧바로 차를 끌고 나를 데리러 왔다. 지금 생각해도 대단한 아빠였다. 그럼에도 참 많이도 대들었고 싸웠다. 성인인데 왜 통금시간이 있어야 하나, 통학하는데 10시가 말이 되나, 치마도 아니고 바지인데 이걸 왜 못 입고 다니게 하는지, 이렇게 날 숨막히게 하면 그냥 나가 살겠다 등등... 아빠를, 집을 그렇게 벗어나고 싶었던 철없고 어렸던 나. 그렇게 온갖 싸움을 하며 지켜주려 애썼던 딸이 원하지 않는, 안좋은 일을 겪게 되면 어떨까. 아빤 어땠을까. 전화로 기간을 다 못 채우고 돌아가겠다고하니 왜? 무슨 일 있어? 묻는 엄마의 목소리에 나는 그냥 울고, 울었고, 우느라 아무 말도 못했다. 왜 그래. 일단 얘기해봐. 무슨 일이야. 계속 내 말을 기다리는 엄마. 그래 네가 힘들면 그렇게 해. 비행기 예약하고 시간 알려줘. 수화기를 낚아챈 듯한 아빠의 목소리에 전화는 끊어졌고 나는 차마 다시 전화를 걸 수가 없었다. 한국에 돌아와서 엄마에게만 내게 어떤 일이 있었는지 대충 말씀드렸다. 엄마는 내게 바보같다고 했다. 아빠는 아시는지 모르시는지 솔직히 생각하고 싶지 않았고, 또 그렇다고 직접 말할 용기는 나지 않았다. 그렇게 한 동안 그 일은 잊고 지냈다. 아니 한 쪽에 구겨두고 지냈다는 말이 맞을 지도 모르겠다. 나는 그저 다니던 학교를 조용히 졸업하고 적당히 취업을 했다. 처음에는 괜찮았다. 이것도 사회생활이라면 견뎌내고 싶었다. 그렇지만 언제부턴가 출근하는 아침마다 얼굴이 흙빛이 되어 구역질을 하던 날 보고서 엄마는 뭔가 잘못되었다는 걸 느끼셨던 모양이다. 1년을 못 채우고 그만두고서 치료를 받았다. 고작 그 몇 개월 때문에 몇 년 동안을 잘 먹지도 못하고 집에 틀어박혀 지냈다. 나만 힘들었다고 생각했던 그 시간을 엄마는, 아빠는 어떻게 견디셨을까. 다시 힘들게 시작한 사회생활을 또 그만두고 다른 일을 하고 싶다는 내 말에 그래, 아빠는 네가 하고 싶은 일을 하며 살았으면 좋겠다. 아빠가 도와줄거니까. 아람아. 아빠는 널 위해 심장도 줄 수 있어. 너는 내 딸이니까. 술냄새 풀풀 풍기며 내 어깨를 두드리는 딸 바보 우리 아빠. 참아도 참아도 계속 눈물이 나와서. 콧물삼키며 겨우 내뱉은 한 마디 아빠 죄송해요. 사랑한다는 말도 못하는 바보 딸이라 미안해. 어렸을 때는 아빠가 시집 가지말고 아빠랑 살자. 하면 나는 항상 아냐! 시집 갈거야! 이랬다던데. 얼마 전에는 네, 아빠 그렇게 같이 살까요? 라고 대답했더니 아무 말 없이 씩 웃으시며 소주잔을 내게 내미셨다. 나 대신, 아빠 대신 술병이 울어주었다. 꼴꼴꼴. 꼴꼴꼴 꼴꼴꼴.... ㅠㅠ Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 133 Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 146 Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 161 22
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Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 616
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 618
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 618
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 612
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 612
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 620
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 628
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 628
Warning: Use of undefined constant HTTP_HOST - assumed 'HTTP_HOST' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 640
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 644
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 646
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 646
Warning: Use of undefined constant HTTP_HOST - assumed 'HTTP_HOST' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/cmt_replace.php on line 3
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 6
Warning: Use of undefined constant file_name - assumed 'file_name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 28
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 65
64057 class="iamcmt" style="display:none;"> Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 66
64057 class='vcm '>
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 70
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 71
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 76
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 117
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 118
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 119
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 120
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 121
64057'> 혼돈의카오스
Warning: Use of undefined constant mod_date - assumed 'mod_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 133
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 140
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 140
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 142
16/12/16 17:17
64057>삭제 주소복사
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 150
무슨일인지 모르겠지만, 힘내세요!
응원하겠습니다
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 158
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 166
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 171
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
응원하겠습니다
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 158
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 166
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 171
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
64057>
64057>
