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홍차넷
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Warning: Use of undefined constant is_admin - assumed 'is_admin' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/zero_header.php on line 269
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티타임
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/bbs_title.php on line 21
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- 다양한 주제에 대해 자유롭게 글을 작성하는 게시판입니다.
Warning: Use of undefined constant use_formmail - assumed 'use_formmail' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 519
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전체기타일상/생각꿀팁/강좌방송/연예도서/문학영화의료/건강문화/예술경제생활체육과학/기술철학/종교정치요리/음식역사여행육아/가정IT/컴퓨터음악창작게임스포츠사회오프모임
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| Date |
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 53 16/06/21 15:33:52 Warning: Use of undefined constant mod_date - assumed 'mod_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 56 |
| Name | 나나 |
| Subject | 시궁창 |
|
어제 저녁, 마지막으로 제주도에서 일몰을 보려고 했던 때였다. 두 시간 넘게 카페에서 기다렸지만 해는 구름 속에 풍덩 빠져 버렸다. 그제와 같은 모습은 보이지 않았다. 붉은 햇빛이 바다와 하늘에 짙게 감돌아, 따뜻해 보이던 그 모습이 다시 한 번 보고 싶었는데. 아름다운 건 한때였다. 같은 자리에 똑같은 시간에 그곳에 머물러도 늘 볼 수 있는 건 아니다. 너와 만났을 때, 나는 항상 이 년만 시간을 돌리고 싶다고 생각했다. 사실, 그 이상 바라는 건 욕심 같아서 말하지 못했지만 시간을 더 돌이킬 수 있다면 대학생 때 즈음이 좋겠다. 난 너와 만나면서 결혼을 생각했다. 그리고 우습게도 난 그게 참 싫었다. 늘 그렇듯 네가 날 바라보면서 웃고 나는 시답지 않은 농담이나 하며 시간을 보냈으면. 그때 나는 내 미래를 생각했다. 어쩌면 기억할지도 모른다. 내가 너를 바라보며 웃다가, 왠지 모르게 얼굴을 찌푸렸다는걸. 그런 일들이 차츰 늘어나면서, 너도 나만큼 두려워했던 것 같다. “약속해줄 수 있어?” 내가 그렇게 물었다. 너는 나를 바라보기만 했다. 내가 무얼 바라는지 너도 나도 이미 알고 있었다. 무서워서 말을 꺼내지 않았을 뿐이다. 서로 생쥐처럼 굴 속에 몸을 웅크리고 있었을 뿐이다. “몇 년 뒤라도 좋으니까, 반드시 행복하게 만들어주겠다고.” 그렇다면 결혼을 하지 않는 사람들은, 결혼 약속을 할 수 없는 사람들은 행복할 수 없는 건가? 나는 스스로 행복할 수 없는 사람이란 말인가? 멍청한 말이다. 너라면 단칸방에서 살아도 행복할 것 같았다는 말은 반은 거짓말이었다. 난 불안했다. 자주 임금이 체불되는 너의 회사도, 그러면서도 결코 그 회사를 떠나려고 하지 않는 네 태도도, 전부 나를 시궁창으로 끌고 갈 것 같아 숨이 막혔다. 나는 그런 불안함을 약속으로 채우려 들었다. 너를 위해 전부를 내놓을 수 있을 것처럼 말했지만 너에게 나를 감출 수는 없었다. 친구가 말했다. “그 자식은 비겁해. 네가 그만큼 좋아할만한 사람이 아니야.” 난 네가 나를 바라보는 얼굴이 좋았다. 상냥하게 웃는 눈도, 머리를 쓰다듬어주는 손도 좋았지만, 내가 무슨 말을 하든 귀 기울여 듣는 그 얼굴이 무엇보다도 좋았다. 네 옆에 있으면 나는 차분해졌다. 우린 이따금 일없이 그냥 걸어가고는 했다. “오늘은 뭘 할까?” 네가 그렇게 물으면 나는, “몰라.” 라고 말했고, 너는 내 손을 꽉 쥐었다. 함께 버스에 탈 때면, 집에 갈 때까지 둘 다 아무 말도 하지 않을 때도 많았다. 나는 네 어깨에 머리를 기대고 눈을 감았다. 드물게 네가 말을 걸어오기도 했다. “졸려?” 그러면 나는 언제나, “아니.” 하고 대답했다. 너와 산다는 건 나에게 그렇게 느껴졌다. 따뜻하고 조근조근한 햇살이 온 몸을 내리쬐게 그대로 내버려 두는 것. 네 곁에 있을 때 나는 안심할 수 있었다. 그건 꽉 짜인 데이트코스나 조각 같은 얼굴보다 중요한 무언가였다. 네게 느끼는 애정은 ‘무언가’나 ‘막연한 것’, 혹은 ‘정의할 수 없는 것’이었고 동시에 타인에게 이해시키기 너무 어려운 것이기도 했다. 너는 대답하지 않았다. 술병을 앞에 두고 침묵했다. 눈도 마주치지 않았다. 너는 무언가를 기다리는 것 같았다. 다른 사람들에게 너를 뚜렷하게 이해시키지는 못했어도 나는 대부분 네 침묵의 의미를 알았다. 비겁했던 것은, 나는 괴로운 동시에 안심했다는 것이다. 이게 나 또한 시궁창에 빠지지 않는 길인 것만 같았다. 그런데도 나는 기다렸다. 네가 절대로 입을 열지 않은 거라는 걸 잘 알면서도. “널 정말 좋아했었어.” 말하는 순간, 그게 얼마나 비겁한 말인지 깨달았다. 네 얼굴도 보지 못한 채로 달려갔다. 잡아 주었으면. 잡지 말아 주었으면. 연달아 그런 생각이 들었다. 네가 못한다면 내가 너를 행복하게 만들어줄 수 있을 것 같았다. 동시에 그게 너무 버거웠다. 너를 좀 더 일찍 만났다면 모든 것이 달라졌을까? 꼭 다시 보고 싶었던 그 날의 풍경처럼, 다시는 보지 못했을 거다. 정말 원했다면 매달렸어야 맞다. 그런 마음이 없다면 몇 년 전으로 돌아가든 똑같았을 거라고. 그래도 딱 한 번만 시간을 돌리게 해 준다면 돌이키고 싶은 순간이 있다. 그때, 좋아했다는 비겁한 변명을 하는 대신 꼭 했어야만 하는 그 말. 그만큼 널 좋아하지 못해서 미안해. Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 133 Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 146 Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 161 6 이 게시판에 등록된 나나님의 최근 게시물
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Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 612
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 612
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 620
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 628
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 628
Warning: Use of undefined constant HTTP_HOST - assumed 'HTTP_HOST' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 640
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 644
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 646
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 646
Warning: Use of undefined constant HTTP_HOST - assumed 'HTTP_HOST' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/cmt_replace.php on line 3
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 6
Warning: Use of undefined constant file_name - assumed 'file_name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 28
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 65
43960 class="iamcmt" style="display:none;"> Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 66
43960 class='vcm '>
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 70
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 71
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 76
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 117
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 118
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 119
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 120
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 121
43960'> Toby
Warning: Use of undefined constant mod_date - assumed 'mod_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 133
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 140
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 140
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 142
16/06/21 17:48
43960>삭제 주소복사
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 150
아쉬움 없이 사랑하면 좋겠지만 어려울 때가 있지요.
시간이 지나고. 마음이 정리되고. 그러면 괜찮아지실겁니다.
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 158
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 166
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 171
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
시간이 지나고. 마음이 정리되고. 그러면 괜찮아지실겁니다.
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 158
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 166
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 171
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
43960>
43960>
