Warning: Use of undefined constant memo - assumed 'memo' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 278
홍차넷
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Warning: Use of undefined constant r - assumed 'r' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/outlogin_toby.php on line 47
Warning: Use of undefined constant r - assumed 'r' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/outlogin_toby.php on line 51
Warning: Use of undefined constant memo - assumed 'memo' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 237
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/outlogin_toby.php on line 34
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Warning: Use of undefined constant r - assumed 'r' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/outlogin_toby.php on line 47
Warning: Use of undefined constant r - assumed 'r' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/outlogin_toby.php on line 51
Warning: Use of undefined constant memo - assumed 'memo' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 237
Warning: Use of undefined constant is_admin - assumed 'is_admin' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/zero_header.php on line 269
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/zero_header.php on line 300
Warning: Use of undefined constant title - assumed 'title' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/bbs_title.php on line 16
티타임
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/bbs_title.php on line 21
Warning: Use of undefined constant header - assumed 'header' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/bbs_title.php on line 31
- 다양한 주제에 대해 자유롭게 글을 작성하는 게시판입니다.
Warning: Use of undefined constant use_formmail - assumed 'use_formmail' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 519
Warning: Use of undefined constant use_category - assumed 'use_category' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/include/print_category.php on line 9
전체기타일상/생각꿀팁/강좌방송/연예도서/문학영화의료/건강문화/예술경제생활체육과학/기술철학/종교정치요리/음식역사여행육아/가정IT/컴퓨터음악창작게임스포츠사회오프모임
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/setup.php on line 29
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Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 398
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Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 403
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 405
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Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 2
Warning: Use of undefined constant HTTP_HOST - assumed 'HTTP_HOST' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/memo_replace.php on line 3
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 10
Warning: Use of undefined constant use_category - assumed 'use_category' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 40
| Date |
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 53 16/03/31 16:35:11 Warning: Use of undefined constant mod_date - assumed 'mod_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 56 |
| Name | nickyo |
| Subject | 일기 |
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찰칵 삼성의 하이테크가 집약된 갤럭시 노트 4로 전화기의 사진을 찍는다. 전화기의 액정에는 사장의 번호와 14초의 통화시간, 오늘의 날짜와 시간이 적혀있다. 아침 08시. 사장이 내게 출근전화를 걸라고 지시한 시간이다. 출근카드가 없는 독서실에서 근로시간 입증을 위해서는 꼭 필요한 과정이다. 사장이 뭔가 부탁할때마다 약간 어리버리하게 응대했더니 사람을 호구로 보는지 돈도 계좌로 따박따박 넣어준다. 고마운 일이다. 그게 주 7일 9시간 근무에 40만원이라서 문제지. 어쨌든 나는 현금으로 주는 것 보다는 훨씬 낫다. 증거는 하나라도 많은 편이 좋다. 대충 한시간 정도의 청소가 끝나고 자리에 앉는다. 여자친구에게 간단한 인사를 남기고 책을 펼친다. 시험을 9일 남겨두고 공부한다는게 뭐 얼마나 효과가 있겠냐 싶으면서도 그냥 한다. 이거라도 안하면 인생에 손 쓸 도리가 없다. 카운터 책상앞에 앉자마자 실장의 전화가 울린다. 어제 있던 일에 대해 또 꼬치꼬치 업무명령을 내민다. 짜증이 났지만 일은 일이니까 하라는대로 한다. 다시 책상앞에 앉는다. 아침 9시 반 전에 꼭 오는 아저씨께서 오셨다. 청소할 때 그 분의 책상을 보니 고시 아니면 7급인 것 같은데.. 30 중반은 되어 보이는 분이 공채준비를 다시 하는 시대에 공시생으로 산다. 아랫배가 조여오는 느낌이다. 고개를 숙여보니 튀어나온 뱃살이 바지에 조여서 그랬나보다. 시발 그럼 그렇지. 점심은 파리바게트의 닭가슴살 베이컨칩 발사믹드레싱 샐러드이다. 옛날엔 이런걸 5500원 주고 사먹으면 미친거 아니냐고 했는데 미친건 6천원짜리 김치찌개를 먹고 배를 불려온 나였다. 5500원짜리 샐러드로 점심을 해결하는 사람들이 현명했다. 공부랑 다이어트중에 하나만 좀 없어도 아침이 밝아질텐데. 짜증이 무럭무럭 솟는다. 나는 온라인게임을 할때도 퀘스트가 잔뜩 있으면 금세 질려서 게임을 내팽개쳤는데, 내 인생의 퀘스트는 할당량이 너무 많다. 이를 갈며 양상추를 씹는다. 다행히 닭가슴살, 베이컨칩, 방울토마토, 삶은달걀이 중간중간 씹혀서 맛이 아주 좋다. 기분이 조금 나아진다. 여자친구가 오늘은 일이 개 많다고 했다. 회사에 다니는 여자친구는 그래도 취업시장에서 살아남았는데, 일하는걸 보면 살아남은게 기뻐할 일인지 잘 모르겠을때가 있다. 새삼 느끼는건데 현실의 노동조건이라는건 우리가 떠드는 것들과 백만년쯤 멀어져 있다는 생각이 든다. 저렇게 일시키고 돈은 저렇게 주는데 연애도하고 공부도하고 운동도하고 스트레스도 받지말고 도전정신도 있어야하고 무슨 개소리냐 씨바. 너같으면 되겠어? 되겠냐고? 이제는 취직을 해도 7포세대니 9포세대니 될 것 같다. 이런 나라에서 저출산이 문제네 청년들의 부정적인 시각이 문제네 이런소리를 떠들고 있다. 나 참. 1년만에 공단기 수석을 찍고 7급공무원에 철썩 붙은 친구가 생각난다. 거의 주 6일 근무에 퇴근도 8시 전에는 거의 해본적이 없다고. 예전에는 공무원도 그러냐 싶었는데 이제는 공무원이니까 그래도 하루는 쉬고 8시에는 집에가는건가 싶다. 아니 서울 4년제 대학 겨우 나와서 자기 돈으로 공부해서 7급 붙었을 정도면 진짜 열심히 산거 아니냐? 싶은데 얘가 한달에 150 좀 넘게 받으면서 고생하는거 보면 책을 찢어서 불태워버리고 싶다. 그래도 친구라고 돈필요하면 얘기하라며, 공부할때 돈 없으면 서러우니 아무때나 말하면 더 빌려주겠다고 한다. 새끼 존나 멋있어.. 반할거같아.. 근데 공무원 봉급 표를 아는데 임마.. 세상은 온통 부조리로 덮여있다. 총선을 앞두고 온갖 후보들이 부조리를 끄집어내어 싸우겠다고 얘기한다. 여 야 할 것 없이 춤을추고 노래하며 얘기한다. 정치혐오자는 아니지만, 일상에 발을 좀 담근 몇개월 사이에 충분히 정치혐오를 가질만한 시대라고 느끼고 있다. 여유가 없는 시대에는 자기 자신을 참 명확하게 깨닫게 된다. 페미니즘 코스프레를 하던 내가 이제 어디서 메갈이나 한남, 김치, 갓치 이런 소리를 들으면 발끝부터 개미가 기어올라오는 느낌에 차단부터한다. 남에게 양보 잘 하고, 잘 참고, 자기중심적이지 않다고 생각했는데 힘든 상황에 연애를 해보니 그것도 개소리였다는걸 깨닫는다. 난 충분히 자기중심적이고 충분히 이기적이고 충분히 잘 못 참는 밴댕이 소갈딱지 같은 인간이었다. 누군가 자기를 알고 싶다면 연애를 해보라는데 앞에다 괄호치고 (힘들고 어려운)을 써넣는다면 맞는 말이라는 생각이다. 힘들고 어렵고 짜증날 때, 나를 좋아하는 사람에게 어떻게 대하는지를 보면 알 수 있다는 점에서 그렇다. 특히 남자는 여자에 대해 기본적으로 강자의 입장에 서 있는데(물론 복잡하지만, 어쨌거나 데이트폭력과 여성상/살해 에대한 남성의 위치가 그렇잖은가) 그런면에서 보면 약자에게 대하는 나의 민낯 역시 충분히 깨닫게 된다. 그 동안 진보주의자의 위치에 서 보려고 노력했었는데 바뀐게 뭐가 있었나 싶다. 자기 자신에 대한 조절능력과, 타인에 대한 인권감수성 둘 다 바닥을 찍는다. 하, 자기혐오가 스멀스멀 올라온다. 마르크스 말이 틀린게 없다. 무산계급에게서 노동을 빼앗았으니 삶의 토대가 사라진 셈이지. 시험에 합격하면 괜찮을거야, 시험에 합격하면.. 모의고사 점수는 ㅋ즐 이라고 나온다. 아햏햏. 작년 이맘때만 해도 이렇게 바닥을 치진 않았다. 그래도 하고싶은게 있고 여전히 그게 목표인데 도무지 기운이 나질 않는다. 그나마 책을 보고 강의를 듣는 동안에는 잡생각이 덜 들어서 좋다만 그것도 금세 짜증이 난다. 머리에 잘 들어와서 좋지만 복습을 하기 싫어 다음 강의를 튼다. 티비를 멍 하니 보고있는것과 별 반 다를게 없다는 느낌이다. 그래도 그냥 그렇게 있어야 어떻게 살아간다는 느낌이다. 다시금 오늘 해야할 일들을 되짚는다. 하기 싫은 일만 가득이다. 배우 박신양의 말이 생각난다. 힘들때도 자기 인생을 사랑하랬나. 좋을때는 당연히 자기 인생을 사랑하는 법이라고. 참 맞는 말씀을 하신다. 그게 마음대로 되면 속이라도 편할텐데. 요새는 자기계발서를 하루에 한권씩 읽을까 생각중이다. 예전에는 이갈며 까기 바빴는데, 이제는 정신병에 걸려도 좋으니 긍정뽕을 맞고 세뇌당해서 살고싶다는 생각이다. 하면 잘 될거야. 무성이는 잘할거여. 아, 진심으로 그렇게 믿고 살면 얼마나 행복할까. 얼마전 일본취업에 대한 이야기를 봤다. 야매로 만들어둔 일본어실력이 개이득 보는 각인가? JLPT2급을 2점차이로 떨어졌던 기억이 난다. 책 한자라도 봤으면 자격증 생기는 거였는데 어휴.. 난 늘상 그렇다. 습득도 이해도 빠른데 근성있게 붙들고 있질 않는다. 그래도 그 감이 어디 간건 아니니까.. 영어랑 일본어만 잘하면 꽤 취업할 자리가 있나보다. 올해는 공부하고 연말에는 토익이랑 토스랑 오픽 만들고 N1급 따서 상반기 일본 공채에 원서라도 싹 부어볼까 생각중이다. 공무원이 되면 되는거고.. 아니면 그쪽 취업시장에라도 들이받아보는거고.. 언제나 꿈은 원대하다. 이번에는 제발 좀 괜찮은 선택이었으면 좋겠다 싶다. 언제쯤 이 터널이 끝나는 걸까. 많은 사람들이 터널 중간에 주저 앉아 끝내는 것을 봤다. 남 이야기가 아니다. 꾸역꾸역 살아남다가 어느순간에 그렇게 될지 모르겠다는 서늘함이 턱 끝 언저리에서 춤춘다. 버티다 끊어지면 그렇게 가는 것일 테다. 인생에 쌓아둔 빚을 청산하는 건지, 원래 인생을 빚더미로 시작한건지는 감도 안온다마는, 오늘도 이를 바득바득 갈며 하루를 산다. 끝이 안보이는 퀘스트 중 몇개는 실패하고 몇개는 겨우 수료하면서 더디게 더디게 기어간다. 더 많이 하지 않으면 이 퀘스트들은 의미없이 가루가 될 것이다. 더 빨리 하지 않으면 이 시간들이 아무 의미가 없어질 것이다. 독서실 관둘때 노동부에 임금체불과 근로계약서 미작성 진정을 넣고 싸울 생각을 하며 기분을 푼다. 시발 일시불로 다 받아내고 말거여. 오늘 인수인계과정도 꼭 녹취를 해야지. 아, 커피 챙겨오는거 까먹었다. 분노조절장애가 생기는것같다. 힘들다. 나만해도 이런데, 다른 사람들이 어떻게 살아갈까 하는 걸 생각하니.. 피폐해지고 파편화된 우리들이 무언가를 바꿀 수 있고, 무언가를 이룰 수 있을까? 잘 모르겠다. 회의적이다. 내가 남들보다 유난히 그릇된, 함량미달의 인간이라 현재의 어려움에 좀 과민반응하며 사회 전체로 봤을때 쓸려나가는.. 도태되는 인간상이라면 차라리 다행일테지만, 만일 내가 보통사람 수준의 것들을 쥐고 사는 사람이라면 이 시대에 살아남아가는 이들의 불안이 얼마나 고되고 힘겨운 일일지 참 두렵다. 이렇게 한 바닥을 쭉 한탄과 비참함을 그대로 토해내고 나니, 한동안은 일기를 쓰고 싶을 것 같지 않다. 이 터널에 끝에 다다라서 어디선가 희망을 좀 엿본다면, 그때는 좀 밝게 써보고 싶다. 책을, 봐야겠다. Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 133 Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 146 Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 161 5
이 게시판에 등록된 nickyo님의 최근 게시물
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Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 646
Warning: Use of undefined constant HTTP_HOST - assumed 'HTTP_HOST' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/cmt_replace.php on line 3
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 6
Warning: Use of undefined constant file_name - assumed 'file_name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 28
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 65
35069 class="iamcmt" style="display:none;"> Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 66
35069 class='vcm '>
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 70
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 71
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 76
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 117
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 118
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 119
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 120
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 121
35069'> 와우
Warning: Use of undefined constant mod_date - assumed 'mod_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 133
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 140
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 140
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 142
16/03/31 18:53
35069>삭제 주소복사
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 150
노동부 후기가 은근 궁금해지네요 크크
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 158
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 166
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 171
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 158
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 166
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 171
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
35069>
35069>