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홍차넷
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티타임
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- 다양한 주제에 대해 자유롭게 글을 작성하는 게시판입니다.
Warning: Use of undefined constant use_formmail - assumed 'use_formmail' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 519
Warning: Use of undefined constant use_category - assumed 'use_category' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/include/print_category.php on line 9
전체기타일상/생각꿀팁/강좌방송/연예도서/문학영화의료/건강문화/예술경제생활체육과학/기술철학/종교정치요리/음식역사여행육아/가정IT/컴퓨터음악창작게임스포츠사회오프모임
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| Date |
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 53 16/02/08 16:35:42 Warning: Use of undefined constant mod_date - assumed 'mod_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 56 |
| Name | 이젠늙었어 |
| Subject | 담배 <2> |
|
금연의 시작은 갑작스러웠습니다. 추석 연휴의 시작일이었고 연휴가 끝나면 바로 또 주말이었기에 5일 연휴의 첫날이었죠. 여느날과 같이 머리맡의 담배갑과 라이터를 챙겨들고 화장실로 가려는 시점이었습니다. 바스락 거리는 담배갑의 비닐의 감촉이 손끝에 전해진 순간 갑자기 머리속에서, 에휴~ 그만 두자... 라는 생각이 들었습니다. 그리고 그냥 안피기 시작했죠. 십수년간 매일 이어지던 습관을 버리고 약간 비현실적인 기분속에서 가족과 함께 추석준비를 했습니다. 아내의 심부름으로 장을 봐오고, 전을 부치고 등등... 모친도 흡연자였기에 집안 곳곳에 담배가 있었습니다. 이부자리의 머리맡에는 내가 피우던 것들이, 거실에는 모친의 담배가, 책상위에도 있었으며 책상서랍속에는 여러갑의 뜯지 않은 담배들이 저를 휴혹했습니다. 그들은 사방에 있었죠. 저는 그들을 외면했습니다... ... 만 점점 저항은 힘들어져만 가고 있었습니다. 금연이 제게 미치는 영향은 두 가지였습니다. 첫번째는 습관의 단절에 의한 어마어마한 상실감입니다. 기상 전후, 식사 직후, 화장실에서의 똥담배 등등 담배는 제 생활의 일부였죠. 이런 모든게 뜯겨버린 당시의 저는 도대체 뭘 해야 좋을지 모를 상황이었습니다. 식사후의 허전함, 담배 없는 커피 한잔의 공허함, 술자리에서의 좌불안석 등등 모든게 어색해진 생활이었습니다. 그런 와중에 집안 곳곳의 담배는 저를 지켜보고 있었습니다. 니가 감히 나를 버리겠다고? 라면서요. 둘째는 니코틴 중독에 의한 금단증상이었습니다. 갑자기 손끝이 바르르 떨리고 저려지며 정서적인 불안정과 자면서 식은땀을 한바가지 쏟기도 하였습니다. 이런 불쾌하고 괴로운 증상은 언제나처럼 담배 한까치를 입에 물면 엄청난 쾌락과 함께 저하늘로 날아갈게 틀림 없겠죠. 하지만 저는 저 두 가지의 괴로움을 넘어서 결국 담배를 멀리하는데 성공했는데요, 그 비결은 너무 재밌었기 때문입니다. 저는 담배끊는 과정이 정말, 너무, 엄청나게 재밌었습니다. 어느 순간 습관의 단절과 체내 니코틴 결핍에 의한 미쳐버릴것 같은 제 자아가 분열되기 시작했습니다. 괴로와하는 A와 이를 관찰하는 또 다른 나 B 였죠. 저는 담배를 못피워 미쳐버릴것 같은 사람이면서, 동시에 그를 괴롭히며 조롱하는 또다른 인간이기도 했습니다. 괴로운 A는 다행히도 괴로운 속에서 점점 쾌락을 느끼게 되었어요. A는 메조키스트적 성향이 있는 사람이었는데 담배를 진심으로 섬기는 노예였죠. 근데 최근 어떤 연유에선지 주인이 바뀌게 되었죠. 노예는 예전 주인에게로 돌아가고자 했습니다만 새로운 주인이 허락하지 않았습니다. 새 주인에게 반발하고 대들었으나 돌아오는건 끔찍한 고통뿐이었습니다. 근데요, 그 고통이 점점 쾌락으로 변하는 거였습니다.(제가 쓰고있으면서도 뭐 이런 병신같은게 있나 싶네요.) A의 새 주인인 B는 노예를 처음 가져본 사람이에요. 처음에 B는 A를 잘 대해줄려 했었습니다. 그런데 자꾸 말안듣고 옛 주인을 그리워하는 A가 점점 미워졌습니다. 그래서 학대하기 시작했습니다. 자기의 새 노예에게 옛 주인인 담배의 모습을 보여주고 냄새맡게 하고 끊임없이 상기시켜줬지만 절대 예전과 같이 불장난을 하게 하진 않았죠. 주인은 노예가 몸부림치며 괴로와 하는걸 보면서 점점 흥분을 하게 되었습니다. 결국 그는 새디스트였던거죠. 저는 결국 저 자신을 괴롭히고 괴롭힘을 당하면서 양쪽으로 즐기고 있는 이중 변태였습니다. 이런 와중에도 시간은 흘렀고 노예는 점점 옛 주인을 잊어갔습니다. 새 주인은 노예가 더이상 괴로워하지 않자 흥미를 잃고서 그를 버리고 떠나버렸어요. 결국 마지막엔 담배를 끊은 저만 남게 되었습니다. 이렇게 저는 담배로부터 해방되었습니다. 참 재밌고 흥분과 쾌락속에 지내던 나날이었죠. 하지만, 이보다도 더욱 더, 무지막지하게, 비교도 안되게 더 큰 금연 과정의 재미는 말이죠... (3부에 계속) Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 133 Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 146 Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 161 0 이 게시판에 등록된 이젠늙었어님의 최근 게시물 |
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Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 646
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 646
Warning: Use of undefined constant HTTP_HOST - assumed 'HTTP_HOST' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/cmt_replace.php on line 3
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 6
Warning: Use of undefined constant file_name - assumed 'file_name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 28
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 65
30846 class="iamcmt" style="display:none;"> Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 66
30846 class='vcm '>
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 70
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 71
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 76
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 117
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 118
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 119
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 120
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 121
30846'> kaestro
Warning: Use of undefined constant mod_date - assumed 'mod_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 133
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 140
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 140
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 142
16/02/08 20:45
30846>삭제 주소복사
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 150
진짜 글 재밌네요
어서 3편 내주시죠!
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 158
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 166
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 171
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
어서 3편 내주시죠!
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 158
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 166
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 171
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
30846>
30846>
