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홍차넷
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티타임
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- 다양한 주제에 대해 자유롭게 글을 작성하는 게시판입니다.
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전체기타일상/생각꿀팁/강좌방송/연예도서/문학영화의료/건강문화/예술경제생활체육과학/기술철학/종교정치요리/음식역사여행육아/가정IT/컴퓨터음악창작게임스포츠사회오프모임
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| Date |
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 53 16/01/25 18:29:32 Warning: Use of undefined constant mod_date - assumed 'mod_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 56 |
| Name | nickyo |
| Subject | 웃음이 모자라다. |
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하루종일 한국사 책을 뒤적거리고, 영어단어를 외우다가 문득 비타민 D가 부족하다는 생각을 했다. 춥다고 바깥에도 안나가고 공부만 하는 수험생에게 비타민 D가 부족한 현상은 어쩌면 일종의 성실한 훈장 같은 것일지도 모른다고 생각했지만, 양심적이자. 그렇게 죽어라 공부를 한건 아니었지. 웹툰도 보고.. 네이버도 드르륵거리고.. 톡도 좀 하고.. 쉰다는 핑계로 조금씩 멍때리기도 한.. 그런 하루. 어느새 해가 지고 어둠이 찾아오자, 문득 비타민 D 보다 모자란 것이 웃음이라는 생각이 들었다. 그러고보니 언제 얼마나 신나게 빵빵 터져본걸까하는 생각이 든다. 종합비타민제는 집에 있지만 종합웃음제같은건 없다. 뭔가 재미난 것이라도 보고 웃고싶어서 유투브에서 코미디 프로를 찾아본다. 그러나 코미디 프로들도 썩 내키게 웃음터지지 않는다. 사실 웃음에는 여러 종류가 있지 않은가? 무언가를 보고 웃기다며 깔깔대는 조소나.. 혹은 비웃음의 냉소나.. 체념의 쓴웃음이나.. 기쁨과 환희의 활짝웃음.. 아무래도 코미디 프로로 웃을 일이 모자란것은 아니었다. 그렇다고 냉소가 모자란가 하면 그럴리는 없었다. 세상에는 냉소할 것이 정말 매일매일 과공급상태를 이룬다. 이 세상은 매일같이 머저리짓을 갱신하면서도 용케..정말 용케 망하지 않고 버틴다. 냉소는 모자라기보다는 도리어 지친것에 가깝다. 냉소를 얼마나 더 해야.. 그러니 냉소도 아니다. 체념의 쓴웃음인가? 했더니 쓴웃음 역시 냉소만큼은 아니지만 자주 갱신된다. 그도 그럴것이, 나이가 꽉 차서 남들은 연봉받고 다닐 시기에.. 흔히 많은 어른들로부터 쓸데없는데 관심을 쏟는다던 핀잔과 비아냥을 받으며.. 주도적으로 열심히 딴짓한 삶의 댓가는 꽤 혹독하다. 영하 17도 보다 더. 아침에 일어나 갈 곳도, 소속된 곳도 마땅치 않은 채, 업무와는 별 상관이 없는 공부를 종일 쥐고 앓옳옳옳옭 하며 달달 외는 하루란, 보람찬 쓴웃음을 남긴다. 공부가 잘 된 날에는 아, 하루를 성실하게 살았다며. 하지만 이게 성실한 생활일수는 있어도 성실한 삶까지는 아닐수도 있겠단 불안감을 한켠으로 밀어낼 때 쓴웃음을 피어난다. 물론, 그 두 가지를 구별하는 것이 얼마나 오만한 일인가는 누구나 알겠지만서도. 얼마 전 애인의 환희에 찬 웃음이 떠오른다. 밝은 공간인데도 한 층 더 밝은 공간으로 만들어 버리는 눈부신 환희. 살아남으셨습니다. 라는 말. 쓰임새가 있으십니다. 라는 말. 우리는 당신을 필요로 하기로 했습니다. 라는 말. 지극히 물신적이라고 할 지는 모르지만, 이 사회에서 모두에게 절박하기만 한 그 말을 들은 이의 기쁨을 거짓으로 냉소할 수는 없는 일이다. 그래서 나도 더불어 진심으로 기뻤다. 물론 기쁨과 환희는 잠깐이고, 그 뒤에는 또 다른 고역과 힘든 날들이 삶에 남아있지만... 어쨌거나 그 작은 기쁨과 환희는 딱 비타민 D 정도로, 하루 20분정도의 햇빛만큼이나 삶에 있어서 필수적인 일이라는 것이다. 언제부턴가 나는 세상의 슬픔을 자꾸 바라본다. 버려진 자들의 등짝을 부러 찾는다. 희망찬 싸움이라 이름지어진 지독한 고통의 구경꾼으로. 웃음보다는 울음으로 바라본다. 요령껏 거리를 두노라면 울음은 그칠지언정 웃음이 피어나지는 않을 일들에 시선을 고정시키는 것이 의무라는 생각은 여전히 변함없다. 그러나 요새는 문득 웃음이 모자라다는 생각이다. 딱 비타민 D의 결핍만큼만. 물론 나의 소중한 사람들은 내게 언제나 기쁨과 환희를 선사해주고.. 나는 그들이 없다면 손발이 좀 오글거리지만, 비타민 D를 결핍한 인간의 모습이 되어 훨씬 더 괴로워 할것이다. '모자람'과 '결핍'의 사이에는 어마어마한 간극이 있다는 이야기이다. 하지만 그래도 웃음이 조금 부족하다는 생각은 지울수가 없다. 마음 깊이 기뻐할 일이 더 많아졌으면 좋겠다. 그러나 아마.. 모두들 어느정도는 웃음이 모자랄 것이므로. 어려운 일이겠거니 싶다. 배가 고프다. 오늘은 조금.. 기분 좋은 음식을 먹고싶다. 뒤적이니 집에있는 치킨 쿠폰이 9장이다. 1장이 더 있었더라면 환희와 기쁨으로 가득 차 비타민 D 따윈 신경도 안썼을텐데. 과거의 나는 어째서 1번의 치킨을 참았던가. 그래봐야 복부의 삼겹살은 삼겹살로 남았을것을. 어리석은 과거를 반성하며.. 이만 줄입니다. Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 133 Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 146 Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 161 2 이 게시판에 등록된 nickyo님의 최근 게시물
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Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 620
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 628
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 628
Warning: Use of undefined constant HTTP_HOST - assumed 'HTTP_HOST' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 640
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 644
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 646
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 646
Warning: Use of undefined constant HTTP_HOST - assumed 'HTTP_HOST' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/cmt_replace.php on line 3
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 6
Warning: Use of undefined constant file_name - assumed 'file_name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 28
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 65
29646 class="iamcmt" style="display:none;"> Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 66
29646 class='vcm '>
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 70
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 71
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 76
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 117
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 118
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 119
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 120
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 121
29646'> Raute
Warning: Use of undefined constant mod_date - assumed 'mod_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 133
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 140
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 140
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 142
16/01/25 18:35
29646>삭제 주소복사
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 150
꼭두각시 서커스가 생각나네요.
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 158
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 166
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 171
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 158
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 166
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 171
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
29646>
29646>
