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홍차넷
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Warning: Use of undefined constant is_admin - assumed 'is_admin' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/zero_header.php on line 269
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/zero_header.php on line 300
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티타임
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/bbs_title.php on line 21
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- 다양한 주제에 대해 자유롭게 글을 작성하는 게시판입니다.
Warning: Use of undefined constant use_formmail - assumed 'use_formmail' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 519
Warning: Use of undefined constant use_category - assumed 'use_category' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/include/print_category.php on line 9
전체기타일상/생각꿀팁/강좌방송/연예도서/문학영화의료/건강문화/예술경제생활체육과학/기술철학/종교정치요리/음식역사여행육아/가정IT/컴퓨터음악창작게임스포츠사회오프모임
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| Date |
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 53 23/10/01 15:53:20 Warning: Use of undefined constant mod_date - assumed 'mod_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 56 |
| Name | 골든햄스 |
| Subject | 살아남기 위해 살아남는 자들과 솎아내기의 딜레마 |
|
당장 밥 값이 떨어지기도 했던 로스쿨 때를 생각하면, 인턴으로 나갔던 로펌 구내식당에서 남은 밥을 모아 싸가는 내내 정말로 단 한 번도 어떤 문장으로 된 생각이 들지 않았던 기억이 납니다. 긴박한 이미지, 소음의 조각들만이 있었습니다. 살아남는 것과 공부는 병행이 불가하다는 것을 그 시절 기억으로 많이 익히게 되었습니다. 특히 내내 어떻게 해야만 다음 달 생활비를 구멍 내지 않을까 전전긍긍 하다보면, 수많은 플랜을 A부터 Z까지 세우느라 공부를 하기가 힘들었습니다. 어떤 사람을 만나도 '이 사람이 내 생활에는 도움이 될까' 하는 생각 뿐이었고 (지금 생각해보면 죄송할 따름입니다. 용서해주시기를.) 교내 장학 시스템과 교외장학금의 선정 문턱 앞에서 몇 번이고 좌절하면서 '도대체 왜' 하는 단말마 같은 생각이 날카롭게 뇌를 조각내기를 반복했습니다. 다음 과외 아이템에 대한 고민은 끝없이 머리를 맴돌았습니다. 그와 함께 쏟아지는 과제, 수업, 팀플, 인턴, 대인관계 문제를 해결하느라 늘 분노 200% 상태였던 기억이 납니다. '내가 먹고 살기 바쁜데 이거까지 신경 써야 해?' 하는 서러움의 연속이었습니다. 소소한 일로 서로 싸워 편을 가르거나, 누구를 흘겨 보는 아이들을 보며 '부럽다' 속으로 몇 번이고 외쳐야만 했습니다. '그런 일로 목숨이 걸린 듯 싸우는 너네가 부럽다! 난 다음 끼니가 없다!' 물론 아이들은 저도 흘겨보고 무시했습니다만, 그때마다 속상해지기도 했지만 그걸 해결할 에너지가 없었습니다. '다음 끼니가 없다, 이 놈들아!' 사회적인 문제에 신경을 쓰기에는 당장의 굶주림이 급했습니다. 이런 처지의 사람들 중 절반 이상이 졸업을 포기하고 자퇴했다는 것이 상담을 부탁 드린 한 교수님의 말씀이었습니다. 갑작스런 집안의 도산이나 문제가 터져 상담을 한 아이들을 통해 나름 통계를 낸 모양이었습니다. 다행히 저는 50% 미만의, 졸업에 성공한 자에 들었습니다. 어떻게든 생활비 장학금을 받아냈고, 외부 장학금을 받아냈고, 끝없이 과외를 했으며, 친구들에게 빚을 졌다 갚았고, 좋은 애인을 만나 결혼을 약속했고, 무너진 건강을 회복해나가고 있습니다. 그렇지만 이 도박을 실패했다면? 가난한 사람들에게 공부는 본질적으로 목숨을 건 도박이나 다를 바 없습니다. 그래서 가난한 사람들에게 '너네가 예전에 성실히 공부를 하지 않았으니 지금 이런 대우를 받는 건 당연해' 라고 말하는 건 너네가 예전에 목숨 건 도박을 하고 거기다 성공까지 하지 못한 죄를 묻겠다는 말이나 다를 바가 없습니다. 날것의 표현입니다만 제가 그 시절 굶고 다니며 느낀 건 그것이었습니다. 물론 폭력적이고 빚까지 얹어주는 아버지가 흔한 불운은 아니므로 정책적으로 고려할 필요가 없다고 하실 수는 있습니다. 하지만 생각보다 하위 계층에는 흔합니다. ..... 그 외에도 가족의 병환이나, 도산 등등의 별의별 이유로, 혹은 잘못된 나라 잘못된 인종으로 태어났단 이유로 "살아남기 위해 살아남는" 자들은 생겨날 수밖에 없습니다. 그들은 분노할 수밖에 없고 슬퍼할 수밖에 없습니다. 가끔 진상이라는 카테고리로 묶이는 이들을 보며 나도 그러지 않았나 생각합니다. 그랬던 거 같습니다. 다른 게 없습니다. 그래서 그들을 같이 선뜻 욕하지 못하는 저 자신을 발견하고는 합니다. 분노와 슬픔과 굶주림에 그렁그렁한 눈을 한 자들을, 마냥 밀어내기가 힘든 경험을 했기 때문입니다. 그러나 한편으로 현대인들은 그런 자들을 밀어내고, 끊임없이 밀어내며, 솎아내는 작업을 수행해야 합니다. 그들 중 특히 선을 넘은 자는 감옥이나 병원에 보내면서요. 그것이 우리의 안녕과 일상을 지키는 일이기 때문입니다. 우리는 의인화된 도시라는 시스템의 손과 발, 톱니이자 나사로 행동해야 하기 때문입니다. 그럴 때 도시와 법과 여론은 준엄합니다. '우리는 그 어떤 일이 있더라도, 설령 밑바닥에 떨어지더라도 너네처럼 선을 넘고 분노에 몸을 불태우지는 않을 거야'라고 선언하듯이요. 글쎄, 적어도 그 직전까지는 갔다 왔습니다. 그렇지만 또 다시 그들을 밀어내는 정신적 호신술을 심리상담에서 배우고 그들을 유형화해서 감옥에 보내는 법을 공부합니다. 적어도 제 개인의 행복과 영달을 위해서는 이래야 한다고 모두가 입 모아 말하니까요. 저 또한 제 소중한 사람들에게는 그렇게 가르칠 거니까요. 하늘과 땅 위에서의 법도가 다른 걸지도 모르고요. 이 딜레마에 온몸이 찢어져라 괴로웠던 적도 있지만, 이제는 신께 기도합니다. 제게 모를 수 있는 권리를 주십시오. 찾아낸 답이라곤 그것 뿐입니다. Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 133 Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 146 Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 161 19 이 게시판에 등록된 골든햄스님의 최근 게시물
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Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 576
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 577
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 577
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 577
Warning: Use of undefined constant grant_delete - assumed 'grant_delete' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 577
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 429
Warning: Use of undefined constant use_formmail - assumed 'use_formmail' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 605
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 599
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 599
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 600
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 600
Warning: Use of undefined constant is_admin - assumed 'is_admin' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 605
Warning: Use of undefined constant is_admin - assumed 'is_admin' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 605
Warning: Use of undefined constant is_admin - assumed 'is_admin' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 609
Warning: Use of undefined constant is_admin - assumed 'is_admin' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 609
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 614
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 616
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 618
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 618
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 612
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 612
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 620
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 628
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 628
Warning: Use of undefined constant HTTP_HOST - assumed 'HTTP_HOST' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 640
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 644
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 646
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 646
Warning: Use of undefined constant HTTP_HOST - assumed 'HTTP_HOST' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/cmt_replace.php on line 3
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 6
Warning: Use of undefined constant file_name - assumed 'file_name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 28
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 65
187669 class="iamcmt" style="display:none;"> Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 66
187669 class='vcm '>
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 70
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 71
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 76
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 117
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 118
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 119
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 120
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 121
187669'> 절름발이이리
Warning: Use of undefined constant mod_date - assumed 'mod_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 133
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 134
수정됨
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 140
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 140
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 142
23/10/01 16:26
187669>삭제 주소복사
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 150
가난, 폭력, 병증 등 고통을 수반하는 것들과는 물리적으로든 정신적으로든 멀어지는 것이 개인의 차원에서 건강을 유지하는 현명한 방법입니다. 하지만 모두가 부조리에 눈을 감는다면, 계속 어느 구석에서 비명 소리가 구조화 되어 끊이지 않겠지요. 그러니 그런 문제에 도전하는 이들을 존경하고, 그들이 전방에서 사회와 시스템을 더 발전시키기 위해 싸우는 것을 후방에서 지원하는 형태가, 충분히 견고하지 못한 개인들에게 적당할 것입니다. 괴로움에 사무치지도, 철저히 외면하지도 않고 살아갈 수 있는 간격은 분명히 있습니다. 단 그 영역이 너무 협소하고 외줄타기 같아 견디기 힘들다면, 스스로를 지키는 것을 우선시하시는게 맞습니다. 스스로를 지키는 것에는 누구의 허락을 구할 필요도, 권리를 찾을 필요도 없습니다. 그래도 괜찮습니다.
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 158
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 166
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
19
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 158
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 166
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
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187669>
187669>
