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홍차넷
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티타임
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- 다양한 주제에 대해 자유롭게 글을 작성하는 게시판입니다.
Warning: Use of undefined constant use_formmail - assumed 'use_formmail' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 519
Warning: Use of undefined constant use_category - assumed 'use_category' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/include/print_category.php on line 9
전체기타일상/생각꿀팁/강좌방송/연예도서/문학영화의료/건강문화/예술경제생활체육과학/기술철학/종교정치요리/음식역사여행육아/가정IT/컴퓨터음악창작게임스포츠사회오프모임
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Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 2
Warning: Use of undefined constant HTTP_HOST - assumed 'HTTP_HOST' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/memo_replace.php on line 3
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 10
Warning: Use of undefined constant use_category - assumed 'use_category' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 40
| Date |
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 53 21/08/29 19:52:38 Warning: Use of undefined constant mod_date - assumed 'mod_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 56 |
| Name | 아시타카 |
| File #1 | a.jpg (81.9 KB), Download : 39 |
| Subject | 사랑하는 소년 |
 저는 남중을 졸업하고 남고를 나와서 남초과에 다니고 있어요. 그래서 그런가 제가 깊은 감정을 가진 대상은 대개 남학생들이었습니다. 이런 글을 쓰는 건 이제 대학교 졸업이 얼마남지 않아 정말로 제 학생시절이 끝나가기 때문입니다. 그래서 그냥 제 소년 시절과 제 마음에 있었던 소년들에 대해 적어보려해요. 초등학교때엔 좋아하던 여자아이를 열심히 쫓아다녔던 기억이 나요. 그땐 그저그런 평범하고 재미없는 남자애였습니다. 그러다가 10살 때 쯤 부모님께선 약간 무리해서 좋은 학군으로 이사를 왔어요. 집값상승의 수혜를 받진 못하셨지만 저는 그때 부모님의 선택에 깊이 감사드리고 있습니다. 그렇게 중학교에 올라와서까진 내가 다른 사람들과 크게 다른줄 몰랐습니다. 다만 친구관계에서 별 일 아닌걸로 상처를 자주 입었던 기억이 납니다. 지금 생각해보면 친구가 해줄수 있는 일보다 내가 기대했던게 너무 많았던것 같아요. 어쨋건 중학교를 졸업하고 역시 동네 고등학교에 갔습니다. 좋든 싫든 고등학교 3년동안 제 많은 부분이 정해졌습니다. 고2때 제가 반장을 했는데 얘는 부반장을 했습니다. 그래봤자 하는 일은 딱히 없었고 야자때 시끄러운 애들 눈치주는 정도였죠. 마른 몸에 속눈썹이 긴 친구였어요. 정말 거의 보자마자 눈에 들어왔던것 같습니다. 축구를 좋아하긴 했지만 좀 샤이한 성격에다 점심시간이면 창가에서 책을 읽던 모습이 아직도 기억이 나요. 그때 내가 일반적인 이성애자는 아니구나 확신을 했습니다. 정말 친구간에 이런 생각을 해도 되나? 속으로는 계속 고민을 했지만요. 얘 얼굴한번보려고 괜히 학원끝나고 몇 시간 공부하고 가고, 야자때 남아있고 등등 지금이라면 절대 안그럴거 같은 행동을 했더라고요. 4월달에 첫 중간고사를 치기 전쯤엔 얘만큼 좋아할 사람이 다시 나타나기는 쉽지 않을거란 생각이 들었습니다. 첫사랑의 정의가 처음으로 마음을 흔든사람이라면 정말 그랬던 사람이었어요. 이 친구와 사귄다는건 상상도 안해봤고 그냥 가장 친한친구만 되길 바랬어요. 그때부터 제 감정을 표현하는게 약간 무서워지기도 했습니다.손해보는게 싫고 굳이 이런 일로 주목받고 싶지 않았으니까요. 졸업을 하고도 몇년 후에야 솔직히 말했습니다. 내가 고등학교때 널 정말 좋아했었다고. 듣더니 그랬냐고 생각도 못했다고 하더라고요. 그때나 지금이나 착한 친구라 여전히 잘지내고 있습니다. 지금은 그냥 하는 일 다 잘풀려서 행복하게 살기만 바랍니다. 고등학교를 졸업하고 한동안은 미팅과 소개팅에 열심히 나갔습니다. 제 능력부족탓으로 별다른 성과는 없었습니다. 그러다가 사는 곳 근처에서 어떤 대학생 형을 만났습니다. 처음으로 제대로 된 연애를 해본거였어요. 첫 연애가 대개 그렇듯이 몇 달 만나다가 일방적으로 차였습니다. 역시나 마르고 속눈썹이 긴 사람이었어요. 양쪽 가슴에 기흉으로 삽관자국이 있었던게 기억납니다. 나이는 나보다 많았는데 정말 걱정없이 소년같이 웃는게 되게 보기 좋았어요. 그 후로도 이런저런 형 동생들과 만났는데 돌이켜보면 그렇게 남는게 있는 만남은 별로 없었고 제 부족함만 확인했던 것 같습니다. 누군가를 좋아하려면 내 일정 부분을 포기해야되고 숨기고 싶은 부분도 보여줄 줄 알아야 되는데 아직까지도 쉽지 않은것 같아요. 어쨋건 이런 이야기들을 처음으로 나눈 친구는 고1때부터 항상 가장 친하다고 서로 말했던 애였어요. 항상 똑똑하고 배려심이 몸에 배인 친구였습니다. 가족을 제외하고는 제가 만든 가장 단단한 관계라고 생각해요. 얘를 사랑한다고도 말할 수 있을 것 같아요. 그냥 생각만 해도 힘이 되고 내가 어떤 상황이어도 나를 이해해줄거란 생각이 들거든요. 저도 항상 이 친구의 곁에 있어주고 싶고요. 사실 연애라는게 서로 사랑한다, 없이는 못살겠다 하여도 헤어지고 나면 바로 남이 되는게 전 이해가 안되었어요. 역할놀이도 아니고 어떻게 몇 번 보고 삶의 1순위가 되었다가 어느날 갑자기 연락 한번 못하는 사이가 되겠어요. 사람 감정이 그렇게 움직이지는 않을것 같습니다. 연애 관계가 아니어도 깊은 감정을 나눌 수 있다는걸 이친구에게 배웠습니다. 그래서 누군가 나의 성정체성을 묻는다면 바이섹슈얼이라고 대답해야 할것같습니다. 그냥 모든 사람을 대할때 그 사람이 매력있다 느끼면 성별상관없이 빠져드는것 같아요. 매력을 느끼는 부분은 성별에 따라 다를테지만요. 사실 100% 헤테로나 100%호모는 정말 정말 드물거라 생각해요. 만약 내가 어렸을 때 이성과의 접촉이 더 많았다면 이런 글을 쓰지 않았을 수도 있지요. 그렇지만 어쨋건 누군가를 성실히게 사랑했던, 그 때 용기를 내었던 과거의 내 자신에게 고마운 생각이 먼저 들어요. 돌이킬 수 있는 좋은 추억이 하나만 있더라도 구원에 가까워진다고 어느 책에서 그러더군요. 과거에 매몰될 필요는 없지만 그래도 이런 기억들이 제 일상 곳곳에 묻어있는게 느껴집니다. 1년에 한번은 졸업했던 고등학교에 찾아가 선생님들께 인사를 드립니다. 그럴 때면 꼭 운동장에서 후배 학생들이 뛰어다니는걸 지켜보고 나와요. 아마 지금도 후배들 중 누군가는 나같은 고민을 하지 않았을까 생각하면 재밌기도 하고 남몰래 응원해주고 싶어집니다. 나도 한때 저 운동장에서 시간을 보냈었는데 그때는 참 순수하고 꿈이 컸었구나 생각하면서 마음이 좀 가벼워져요. 지금은 그냥 아기자기한 꿈을 가진 생활인이 되고있지만요. 내년 취직하기전에 양복에 넥타이를 빼입고 마지막으로 가보려고 해요. 그때 그 사람들은 없지만 예전의 장소에 가면 기억이 되살아날것 같아서요. Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 133 Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 146 Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 161 20
이 게시판에 등록된 아시타카님의 최근 게시물 |
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Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 618
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 618
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 612
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 612
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 620
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 628
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 628
Warning: Use of undefined constant HTTP_HOST - assumed 'HTTP_HOST' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 640
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 644
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 646
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 646
Warning: Use of undefined constant HTTP_HOST - assumed 'HTTP_HOST' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/cmt_replace.php on line 3
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 6
Warning: Use of undefined constant file_name - assumed 'file_name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 28
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 65
162040 class="iamcmt" style="display:none;"> Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 66
162040 class='vcm '>
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 70
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 71
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 76
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 117
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 118
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 119
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 120
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 121
162040'> 소요
Warning: Use of undefined constant mod_date - assumed 'mod_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 133
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 140
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 140
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 142
21/08/30 00:20
162040>삭제 주소복사
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 150
ㅎㅎ 저도 하드코어 헤테로는 아닌 듯해요. 대부분 소녀들에게 끌렸지만 소년들에게 끌렸던 적도 한 두번은 있었거든요. 취직 축하드리고, 사랑하는 상대 만나서 해피해피하게 지내시기를 바라옵니다.
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 158
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 166
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
1
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 158
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 166
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
1
162040>
162040>
