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홍차넷
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티타임
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- 다양한 주제에 대해 자유롭게 글을 작성하는 게시판입니다.
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전체기타일상/생각꿀팁/강좌방송/연예도서/문학영화의료/건강문화/예술경제생활체육과학/기술철학/종교정치요리/음식역사여행육아/가정IT/컴퓨터음악창작게임스포츠사회오프모임
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| Date |
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| Name | 우리온 |
| Subject | 열아홉, 그리고 스물셋 |
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#새벽감성을 빌려 안녕 여러분. 제가 여기에 온 지 벌써 4년차로 접어들어가요. 지난 사 년동안 이곳에서 많은 사람들을 만나고 떠나는 걸 지켜봤어요. 처음 닉네임을 구름비누라 짓고 두근두근거리는 마음으로 가입인사를 열심히 쓰던, 열여덟에서 막 열아홉으로 넘어가는 제가 아직도 어른거리는데. 그랬던게 어느새 스물셋이고 대학 4학년이래요. 지난 사 년동안 정말 많은 일들이 있었어요. 셀 수도 없을 만큼. 저는 많은 사람들을 만나고 많은 것들을 보고 듣고 느끼면서 조금씩 자랐다고 생각해요. 여전히 애같고 생각이 어리고 한심한 모습을 간직하고 있지만, 그래도 열아홉 시절에 비하면 확실히 변했다고 생각해요. 무엇이 나를 변하게 만들었냐고 물어본다면 너무너무 많아서 콕 집을 수 없겠죠. 한 때는 연인이었던 사람. 영원불멸할 내 친구. 가벼운 만남과 스몰토크로 이루어지는 흔한 관계의 누군가. 인터넷에 강렬한 글을 남기는 영원히 알 길 없을, 익명의 누군가. 학문. 자연. 아주 많아요. 그럼에도 제가 자신 있게 말할 수 있는건, 홍차넷이 차지하는 비율은 결코 적지 않아요. 사실 열여덟에서 열아홉으로 넘어가던 그 시절의 저는 외로운 사람이었어요. 위로 받을 만한 곳이 없었어요. 그랬는데 홍차넷을 만나고 많은 사람들이 제게 분에 넘칠 정도로 과분한 관심과 애정을 줬어요. 인터넷에 과몰입하면 안된다는걸 알면서도, 과몰입할 수 밖에 없었던 이유도 알아차렸다니까요. 저는 최대한 과하게 빠지지 않으려 노력하면서도, 그럼에도 제게 쏟아지는 관심과 애정이 너무너무 소중하고 좋았어요. 그 애정에 흠뻑 빠지다보니 자만하게 된거죠. 마쟈 나는 진짜 귀엽고 예쁘고 깜찍하고 멋지고 킹반인이고 갓반인인가봐! 그러니까 다들 날 좋아하는거겠지?! 이런 생각까지 할 정도였다니까요. 지금 생각하면 엄청 부끄럽죠. 그렇죠. 그만큼 제 자존감을 키워준 곳이 된 셈이죠. 홍차넷 탐라에서 흘려보낸 수많은 소소한 일상 얘기를 쓰면서, 어느샌가 위로를 받고 외로움을 떨칠 수 있었던 것 같아요. 정말 끔찍하면서도 사랑스러웠던 제 스무살 시절을 그래서 나름 자신감 갖고 현실에서 수많은 사람들 속에 파고들어 수많은 인연들을 만들고 잊을 수 없는 기억들을 만들 수 있었던 곳 같아요. 그 시절을 기반으로 해서 스물하나, 스물둘, 그리고 스물셋에 이르는 긴 시간을 계속해서 저를 돌아보고 좋은 방향으로 변하려 노력했고, 그래서 항상 여러분들한테 좋은 이미지로만 남기고 싶었어요. 나 이만큼 해냈어요, 나 이거 할 수 있어요, 제가 이걸 이뤘어요! 이렇게 자랑하고 싶었어요. 말 뿐만 아닌, 진심으로. 여러분들은 언제나 제 편이 되어줬어요. 제가 징징거리고 힘든 일 있을때 토해내고 부정적인 감정을 퍼트리는데도 여러분들은 제 편이 되어주고 대신 화내주고 위로 해주고. 현실 친구로부터 받는 애정과는 또 다른 애정이고 감정이었지만 저는 그게 좋았어요. 실제로 많은 위로가 되기도 했고. 물론 제가 잘못했을 때는 따끔하게 혼내줬죠. 스스로도 인식하지 못했던 문제점을 지적해줬죠. 그렇게 사 년을 많은 것들을 공유하고 자랑하고 토해내게 했어요. 정말 사 년동안 많은 일들이 있었어요. 홍차넷 탐라에 적지 않은 수많은 일들이 있었어요. 그럼에도 저는 홍차넷에서 보낸 시간은 결코 적지 않고, 정말 많은 것들을 얻었어요. 저를 계속해서 변하게 만들었어요. 좋은 쪽이든 나쁜 쪽이든간에, 확실한 것은 홍차넷은 제게 아주 큰 영향을 줬어요. 저는 앞으로도 계속 변하고 자랄 것이고, 그렇게 된다면 최대한 좋은 방향으로 나아가고 싶어요. 늘 항상 고마워요. 언젠가 열아홉의 제가 남긴 적이 있죠. 서른을 동경한다고. 그래서 얼른 서른이 되었으면 좋겠다고. 서른이 되면 이십대의 모든 날 모든 순간들을 어제처럼 선명히 기억할 것이고, 그래서 참 예뻤다, 정말 열심히 살았다, 행복했다 라고 추억하게 하고 싶어요. 라고. 아마 서른이 된 저는 이십대의 순간들을 떠올릴 때, 홍차넷이 금방 떠오를지도 몰라요. 그래도 이십대의 나를 키워준 곳이지 하하핳 이럴수도 있어요. 저는 이곳에서 정말 멋진 여러분들을 많이 봤어요. 멋지고 동경하게 되고 따라하고 싶은 사람들을 많이 봤어요. 아마 제 존경이고 동경이고 애정일 것이지요. 그래서 많은 걸 배우고 좋은 영향 받았던 것 같아요. 그래서 저도 열심히 살게 되는 것 같고, 많은 고민을 하게 해준 것 같아요. 아마 저는 앞으로도 계속 방황하겠죠. 원인이 무엇이든간에 끊임없이 방황하고 떠돌겠죠. 그래도 홍차넷이라는 안식처가 있는 한, 언제든 다시 정상 궤도로 돌아올 수 있을 것 같아요. 그만큼 제 삶에 있어 결코 지분이 적지 않아요. 아마 홍차넷을 영원히 몰랐다면, 그래서 안식처가 없었다면, 그러면 저는 아마 다른 생각을 하고 다른 모습을 한 제가 됐을지도 몰라요. 아마 지금보다 더 소심하고 자신감 없고 두려워할지도 몰라요. 사실 상상이 잘 되지 않아요. 정말 어땠을까 곱씹어보는 것도 나름 재밌네요. 지난 사 년 동안, 정말 감사했습니다. 대학을 떠나 제가 새로운 사회로 나가고, 결혼을 하고, 아이 낳고 키우고 자라는 걸 지켜보는 그 긴 세월을, 여러분들도 오래오래 함께 해주면 더 바랄 것이 없을 것 같아요. 많이 좋아해요. 십대 후반에서, 이제는 이십대 중반이 된 저를 올해도 잘 부탁드립니다 :) Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 133 Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 146 Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 161 37
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Warning: Use of undefined constant memo - assumed 'memo' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 185
Warning: Use of undefined constant use_comment - assumed 'use_comment' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 540
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 542
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 543
Warning: Use of undefined constant memo - assumed 'memo' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 545
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 576
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 577
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 577
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 577
Warning: Use of undefined constant grant_delete - assumed 'grant_delete' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 577
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 429
Warning: Use of undefined constant use_formmail - assumed 'use_formmail' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 605
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 599
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 599
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 600
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 600
Warning: Use of undefined constant is_admin - assumed 'is_admin' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 605
Warning: Use of undefined constant is_admin - assumed 'is_admin' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 605
Warning: Use of undefined constant is_admin - assumed 'is_admin' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 609
Warning: Use of undefined constant is_admin - assumed 'is_admin' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 609
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 614
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 616
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 618
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 618
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 612
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 612
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 620
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 628
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 628
Warning: Use of undefined constant HTTP_HOST - assumed 'HTTP_HOST' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 640
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 644
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 646
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 646
Warning: Use of undefined constant HTTP_HOST - assumed 'HTTP_HOST' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/cmt_replace.php on line 3
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 6
Warning: Use of undefined constant file_name - assumed 'file_name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 28
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 65
152254 class="iamcmt" style="display:none;"> Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 66
152254 class='vcm '>
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 70
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 71
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 76
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 117
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 118
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 119
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 120
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 121
152254'> 토비
Warning: Use of undefined constant mod_date - assumed 'mod_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 133
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 140
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 140
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 142
21/01/01 03:50
152254>삭제 주소복사
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 150
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Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 158
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 166
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 158
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 166
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
152254>
152254>
