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홍차넷
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티타임
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- 다양한 주제에 대해 자유롭게 글을 작성하는 게시판입니다.
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전체기타일상/생각꿀팁/강좌방송/연예도서/문학영화의료/건강문화/예술경제생활체육과학/기술철학/종교정치요리/음식역사여행육아/가정IT/컴퓨터음악창작게임스포츠사회오프모임
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| Date |
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| Name | shadowtaki |
| Subject | 작년 한 해를 겪으며 생존해온 이야기 |
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제가 이 곳에 많은 글을 쓰거나 댓글을 다는 편은 아니지만 작년에 뜬금없는 질문글과 타임라인에 불안정한 심리의 글을 남기고 많은 격려를 받기도 했었던 일이 있었습니다. 그 악몽과도 같았던 1년의 기억을 하소연하는 글이자 혹시나 저의 생존을 신고하는 글을 적어보려 합니다. 저는 현재 결혼 9년차, 별거 3년차를 살아가고 있습니다. 자녀는 6살 딸아이가 하나 있구요. 저의 악몽은 2년 전에 시작됩니다. 정확히는 악몽의 씨앗은 결혼 시작부터 심어져 있었다고 봐도 되겠군요. 저희 부모님은 약 04년부터 불화가 있으셨습니다. 저는 이 사실을 배우자가 될 사람에게 확실하게 밝히지 않고 결혼을 했습니다. 하지만 딱히 숨기려 했던 것이 아니었기에 결혼하고 얼마 안가서 상대방도 알게 되었습니다. 이러한 상태로 6년의 결혼생활을 유지하며 살았습니다. 이것이 문제가 되지는 않았구요. 하지만 재작년 여름 저의 부모님께서는 쇼윈도 부부를 그만 두고 이혼을 하셨습니다. 이 이혼 이후 상대방이 저의 아버지는 '사기꾼', 저의 어머니는 '짐덩어리'라는 호칭을 써가며 모욕했었지만 이유가 어찌되었든 우리 집안이 못난 모습을 보인 것도 맞고 아이가 있는 가정을 유지하고 싶은 마음에 미안하다는 사과와 함께 저자세를 취했지만 돌아오는 건 아이를 동반한 가출이었습니다.(더 많은 세부사항이 있지만 간단하게 표현하면 이렇습니다.) 이후 요구하는 것은 이혼. 당연히 저는 이혼의 의사가 없었고 지지부진한 협의 속, 갑자기 9월말 다시 잘 지내보자는 연락과 함께 자기에게 신뢰를 표현할 보증금을 요구합니다. 그래서 현재 살고 있는 집을 담보로 대출을 받아 1억이라는 돈을 건내줍니다.(원래는 훨씬 더 큰 돈을 주기로 했지만 당시 부동산 대책에 막혀 1억을 주었죠) 그리고 곧바로 이어진 연락 두절과 함께 아이를 보여주지 않기 시작합니다. 연말까지 꾸준히 연락을 해보려고 노력하고 회유하고 해보았지만 답이 없자 작년 초 아이의 면접 교섭을 위한 소송을 진행하게 되었죠. 생각보다 많은 시간이 걸려 소송이 접수가 되고 소송에 대한 우편 송달이 5월에 이루어지게 됩니다. 그 집안의 폭력적인 성향을 알고 있었기에 큰 일이 있을 것이라 예상은 했었는데 우편 송달이 된 시점이 별로 좋지 못했습니다. 제가 너무 심적으로 힘들어 대만에 혼자 여행을 떠났던 시기였거든요. 그 사이에 국내에서는 많은 일이 일어났습니다. 집에 찾아왔지만 집의 비밀번호를 바꿔놓았기에 경비실에 행패를 부리고 저의 부모님과 동생, 친구, 후배들에게 전화해서 욕을 동반한 민폐스러운 통화를 하고 회사까지 찾아가서 사장님께 드잡이까지 벌어진 상황이었죠. 귀국하고 나서 정말 정신을 잃을 뻔 했습니다. 집에 들어가는 길이 무서워서(칼들고 기다리고 있을까봐) 동생에게 연락해서 같이 겨우 집에 들어가고 다음 날 부터 전화 폭탄을 받기 시작했죠. 정말 죽고 싶은 상황이었습니다. 그래도 어찌어찌 정신챙겨 가며 살아가려는 찰나 고유정 사건이 터집니다. 사건의 내용이 너무나 저의 상황과 비슷하게 느껴지면서 감정이 이입되더니 갑자기 공황이 오기 시작합니다. 원래도 그 전 해 부터 상담센터를 다니고 있던 상황에서 결국 병원까지 가게 되었죠. 약 먹어가며 버텨서 소송까지 마무리 하고 결국 아이를 볼 수 있게 되었습니다. 하지만 약 8개월이라는 기간 동안 아이의 얼굴도 보지 못했었고 목소리도 듣지 못한 상황에서 아이와의 유대를 다시 형성하는 것이 정말 힘들었습니다. 아이의 얼굴만 봐도 울음이 터질 것 같은데 아이 앞에서는 차마 부정적인 영향을 줄까 울지도 못하고 즐거운 시간을 만들어주고자 노력했습니다. 어렵게 그나마 할 수 있는 범위내에서 정상으로 생활을 돌려놓았다 생각했는데 올해 코로나가 터지네요. 또 2월부터 현재까지 아이를 만나지 못했습니다. 그리고 또 처가 쪽에서 아이를 안보여주려는 움직임을 보이기 시작하네요. 참 힘든 인생입니다. 이제는 시간이 지나서 주변의 몇몇 친구들에게 이야기도 하면서 위로도 받고 했습니다. 그렇게 대화를 하다 보면 친구들은 저에게 사람을 못 믿게 되어서 어떡하냐는 말을 많이 하더군요. 정작 저는 인간에 대한 신뢰보다 제가 알고 있는 상식이 뒤흔들리는 것이 큰 혼란으로 다가왔습니다. 엄청난 성인군자는 아니더라도 평균보다 도덕적으로 살고 배풀면서 살자고 생각하며 살았고 나에게 실망하는 사람은 만들어도 적은 만들지 말자는 주의로 살아왔었는데 누군가 나를 그토록 증오할 수 있다니 '왜?' 내가 그정도로 잘못했나? 라는 생각이 심하게 들더군요. 보통 내가 이만큼 양보하고 손해보면 감정적인 트러블이 없이 넘어갔는데 저 사람은 왜 여기서 나를 더 내몰까? 이런 생각들이 많이 들었습니다. 한번 마음과 정신에 상처가 생기고 나니 다시 이전으로 돌아가는게 힘들더군요. 앞으로 어떻게 살아가야 할지 어떻게 해야 옳은 것인지 잘 모르겠습니다. 오랫만의 밤샘에 괜히 관심을 받아보고자 글을 적어보았습니다. 다들 행복하시고 누구나 있을 걱정거리가 잘 풀리시기를 기원하며 이만 마치겠습니다. 여기까지 잃어 주셔서 감사합니다. P.S. 이 글은 여기에서만 보았으면 합니다. 다른 곳으로 가져가지 말아주세요. Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 133 Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 146 Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 161 22
이 게시판에 등록된 shadowtaki님의 최근 게시물 |
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Warning: Use of undefined constant memo - assumed 'memo' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 545
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 576
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 577
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 577
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 577
Warning: Use of undefined constant grant_delete - assumed 'grant_delete' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 577
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 425
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 429
Warning: Use of undefined constant use_formmail - assumed 'use_formmail' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 605
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 599
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 599
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 600
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 600
Warning: Use of undefined constant is_admin - assumed 'is_admin' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 605
Warning: Use of undefined constant is_admin - assumed 'is_admin' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 605
Warning: Use of undefined constant is_admin - assumed 'is_admin' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 609
Warning: Use of undefined constant is_admin - assumed 'is_admin' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 609
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 614
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 616
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 618
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 618
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 612
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 612
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 620
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 628
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 628
Warning: Use of undefined constant HTTP_HOST - assumed 'HTTP_HOST' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 640
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 644
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 646
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 646
Warning: Use of undefined constant HTTP_HOST - assumed 'HTTP_HOST' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/cmt_replace.php on line 3
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 6
Warning: Use of undefined constant file_name - assumed 'file_name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 28
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 65
143035 class="iamcmt" style="display:none;"> Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 66
143035 class='vcm '>
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 70
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 71
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 76
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 117
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 118
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 119
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 120
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 121
143035'> kaestro
Warning: Use of undefined constant mod_date - assumed 'mod_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 133
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 140
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 140
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 142
20/05/13 05:43
143035>삭제 주소복사
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 150
누군가 나를 이렇게 증오한다는 표현에서 문득 다크나이트에 나오는 조커가 생각났네요.
아무쪼록 문제상황이 원만하게 해결돼서 자제분과 행복하신 생활을 보내실 수 있길 바랍니다.
파이팅!
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 158
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 166
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 171
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
아무쪼록 문제상황이 원만하게 해결돼서 자제분과 행복하신 생활을 보내실 수 있길 바랍니다.
파이팅!
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 158
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 166
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 171
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
143035>
143035>
