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홍차넷
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Warning: Use of undefined constant is_admin - assumed 'is_admin' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/zero_header.php on line 269
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티타임
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/bbs_title.php on line 21
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- 다양한 주제에 대해 자유롭게 글을 작성하는 게시판입니다.
Warning: Use of undefined constant use_formmail - assumed 'use_formmail' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 519
Warning: Use of undefined constant use_category - assumed 'use_category' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/include/print_category.php on line 9
전체기타일상/생각꿀팁/강좌방송/연예도서/문학영화의료/건강문화/예술경제생활체육과학/기술철학/종교정치요리/음식역사여행육아/가정IT/컴퓨터음악창작게임스포츠사회오프모임
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Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 2
Warning: Use of undefined constant HTTP_HOST - assumed 'HTTP_HOST' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/memo_replace.php on line 3
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 10
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| Date |
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 53 20/05/09 21:23:01 Warning: Use of undefined constant mod_date - assumed 'mod_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 56 수정됨 |
| Name | 시뮬라시옹 |
| Subject | 불나방(중_b) |
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[전편들] 불나방(상) : https://new.redtea.kr/?b=3&n=10537 불나방(중_a) : https://new.redtea.kr/?b=3&n=10558 [추천 배경음악] 김윤아_길 : https://youtu.be/gI4GxITpmb4 ======================================== "있지 나 요즘.."으로 첫 운을 뗀 친구 A는 자신의 근황에 대해 말하기 시작했다. 녀석은 중학교 시절 친구인데, 공부를 썩 잘하는 녀석은 아니었다. 애초에 공부에는 별로 흥미가 없었을지도 모른다. 그렇지만 나와 취미가 같았기에 우리는 친해질 수 있었다. 우리의 취미는 IT제품에 대해 서로 아는 지식을 나누는 것이었는데 굉장히 geek 하지만 당시에 우리는 그 시간을 즐기곤 했다. 그런 녀석이 나와 다른 고등학교에 진학하여, 문과를 가고 결국엔 체대에 갔다는 것은 나에게 있어 놀라운 일이었다. 물론 그 과정에서 녀석이 겪은 일들과 감정들은 쉽지 않았을 것이다. 그렇지만 그러한 과정을 겪고 그가 해낸 일들은 내겐 놀라움의 연속이었다. 그의 입에서 나오는 단어들은 내 마음속 감정들과 같이 차갑지 않았다. 그것들은 살아 움직이고 있었고, 그의 내면에 충돌하며 그 운동에너지를 그에게 주고 있었다. 평소 같았으면 그런 그를 친구로 둔 내가 자랑스럽고, 그에게 칭찬의 따뜻함을 건네주었을 텐데, 나는 그렇지 못했다. 그의 말과 물음들에 대충 퉁명스럽게 대답을 하고는 이내 화장실을 가야겠다며 자리를 떠 밖으로 나갔다. 띠리링- 출입문이 소리를 내며 나는 나갔다. 그런 나를 바라보는 그의 눈은 보지 못했지만, 아마 이해할 수 없다는, 다소 좋지 않은 종류의 표정이 었을 것이다. 그런 그의 기분을 모르는 것이 아니지만 나는 빠르게 구석으로 가 담배 한 대를 입에 물었다. 하..... 깊게 한숨을 내쉰다. 난 어떤 구역감을 느꼈다. 그 자리를 차마 견딜 수 없었기 때문이다. 나 자신이 너무나 한심했다. 그때의 나는 짙은 패배감에 젖어있었다. 그 패배감이 정당하다면 분명 그가 나보다 더 패배감을 느끼고 있어야 할 텐데, 아니었다. 여기서 내가 말하고 싶은 것은 단순한, 대학 서열의 문제는 아니다. 나에게 고등학교 생활이란, 정말이지 목표 하나만 보고 살아왔기에, 그 과정에서 무수히 겪은 수많은 일들, 특히 가정사와 학업을 병행하며 내가 흘린 수많은 땀과 눈물 때문이었다. 그러한 노력의 결과가 내가 얻어낼 행복과 이어질 것이라 생각했던 것이 얼마나 바보 같은 생각이었는지를 곱씹으며 담배 연기를 내뿜었다. 담배가 다 타들어가고, 나는 마음을 다잡으며 자리로 돌아갔다. 다소 당황한 표정을 짓는 A에게 내가 제일 먼저 한 말은 "넌 왜 그렇게 힘이 넘쳐? 뭐가 그렇게 널 만들어? 그런 게 다 재밌어?"였다. 우습게도 이러한 질문은 고등학교 때 내가 들은 말들인데 지금의 내가 그에게 던지고 있으니 헛웃음이 나왔다. 그런 나에게 그는 답했다. "음.. 그냥 아무 생각 없이 사는데... 뭐.. 넌 사는데 이유가 있냐.. 그냥 살아있으니 해보는 거지.." 내가 예상한 것과 달리 너무나 뻔한 답이었다. "아니.. 그건 그런데.. 아니다.." 나는 체념했다. 그에게서 어떠한 답을 원했는데.... 도대체 뭐가 정답이냐고..난 왜 살아야하니? 지난 내 3년이 정답이니 지금의 네가 정답이니 누가 정답이니 그렇게 그와의 술자리가 끝나갔다. 그를 횡단보도까지 배웅하고는 옆의 공터로 가 담배를 입에 물었다. 아씨.. 벌써 몇 대째인 거지.. 하.. 작작 펴야 하는데... 하며 불을 붙였다. 그러고는 하늘을 올려다보며 연기를 내뿜었다. 그러고는 옆의 가로등 불빛으로 자연스레 시선을 옮겼다. 그곳에는 나방들이 있었다. 등에 왜 끌리는지도 모른 체, 그것을 향해 끝없이 들어가려 덤벼드는 나방들. 그러다가 힘이 풀리면 죽곤 하는 녀석들. 그 녀석들을 보니 웃음이 나왔다. 그러다 한 순간, 머릿속이 번쩍하고 정신이 들었다. 담배의 니코틴이 내 혈관을 비집고 들어가는 이 순간에도 내 정신은 멀쩡했다. 나는 순간 잠시 과거의 나로 점프했다.... Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 133 Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 146 Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 161 2 이 게시판에 등록된 시뮬라시옹님의 최근 게시물 |
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Warning: Use of undefined constant grant_comment - assumed 'grant_comment' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 659
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목록
Warning: Use of undefined constant is_admin - assumed 'is_admin' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_foot.php on line 11 |
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Warning: Use of undefined constant memo - assumed 'memo' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 185
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Warning: Use of undefined constant use_category - assumed 'use_category' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/list_head.php on line 2
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