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홍차넷
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Warning: Use of undefined constant is_admin - assumed 'is_admin' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/zero_header.php on line 269
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/zero_header.php on line 300
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질문
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- 질문 게시판입니다.
Warning: Use of undefined constant use_formmail - assumed 'use_formmail' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 519
Warning: Use of undefined constant use_category - assumed 'use_category' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/include/print_category.php on line 9
전체기타게임진로연애가정/육아체육/스포츠교육의료/건강철학/종교IT/컴퓨터여행과학문화/예술법률홍차넷경제
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Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 398
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Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 2
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| Date |
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 53 23/11/12 11:04:44 Warning: Use of undefined constant mod_date - assumed 'mod_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 56 |
| Name | 골든햄스 |
| Subject | 관계를 안정적으로 맺으려면 어떻게 해야 할까요? |
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안녕하세요 홍차넷의 귀요미 골든햄스입니다 (뻔뻔) 다름 아니라 오랫동안 고민고민하다 올려봅니다 여러 가지 일이 있었지만 인생의 안정을 찾고 다시 변호사시험 공부도 제대로 하는 중입니다 그리고 무엇보다 우선순위는 건강회복과 변호사시험 마치기이기 때문에 (내년 1월이 아니라 내후년 1월을 목표로 합니다) 관계 문제는 차순위란 걸 알고 에너지를 왕왕 아끼고 있습니다 그렇지만 관계에 있어 제가 뭔가 잘못된 거 같단 생각이 멈추질 않고 ㅠㅠ 홍차넷에 조언을 구할 때마다 좋은 조언을 들었던 기억 땜에 고민하다 에에에잇!! 하는 기분으로 올려봅니다 이런 건 정답 없단 건 알아요... 1. 어릴 때부터 지금까지 '첫눈에' 사람들을 판단하는 사람들을 많이 봐왔습니다. 외모/집안/스펙/능력/빈부/정상가족 여무 등등으로. 그래서 사람들을 만날 때마다 이것 중 하나라도 결핍되어 보이면 공격당할 수 있다는 생각에 빠짐없이 요건사실 맞추듯이 '나는 ~고 ~도 있고 ~도 있다' 라고 대화 중 어느 정도 흘리게 되었습니다. 근데 체감상 이게 효과가 좋습니다. 선 넘는 사람들이 줄어듭니다. -_-;;; 근데 이런 식으로 계속 살아야 할까요? 좀 피곤합니다. 이런 식으로 남을 차별하는 사람들은 죽을 때까지 계속 있겠죠? 피하는 방법은 적겠죠? +추가질문. 근데 왜 사람들은 이런 식으로 남을 차별하는 사람들(?)에 별로 분노 하지 않나요? 다들 잘 흘리는 건가요? 아님 당연한 느낌..? 2. 동성 친구들과의 관계가 항상 어려운데, (성별 때문에 어렵다기보단 성애 없는 긴밀한 관계가 어렵다고 보시면 될듯합니다...) 지금까지 ① 자기 고민을 심각한 비밀 및 정신병력까지 다 털어놓곤 제 이야기를 시작하자 2차 가자고 떠나고, 다른 날 제가 고민을 얘기하면서 우니 그 앞에서 버스 타고 가버리고 나중에 이야기하니 '어? 내가 그런 적이 있었나.. 내가 그렇게 그때 그랬었나 다른 언니랑 이야기했어. 참.. 아련한 일이다.....' 이런 식으로 행동한 심리상담사 지망 친구 (곧 상담사 될 거임 너무 미래의 내담자들이 걱정됨) 를 필두로 '넌 내 고민 들어 하지만 난 네 고민을 들을 수 없어' 식으로 행동한 사람만 4명 이상입니다. 다 n년 이상 알고 가깝게 지내다 제가 첨으로 용기내서 말한 고민 한마디에 갑자기 튕겨내듯 절 (단기적으로든, 장기적으로든) 밀쳐낸 경우입니다. 이런 경험을 통해 ① 사람은 자기 감정에 심취해있고, 남의 감정은 1초도 듣기 힘들어한다. 라는 편견이 생겼습니다. ② 정말 친하게 지내다 제가 (많은 분들이 아시듯 결핍된 인생을 산 역사로 인해) 또래 사이 인간관계가 서툰 모습을 보고 '실망해서' (뭔가 제가 순간 지질해보인 거 같았습니다) 떠난 애도 있었고, 갑자기 홱 여행지에서 말을 안 하고 씹는 애도 있었는데, 이런 거 때문에 또 ② 사람은 굉장히 동물적이구나! 누군가 뭔가에 서툴게 보이면 바로 무시하는 맘이 생기는구나! 란 편견이.... 생겼습니다. ③ 또 '2'랑 연결돼서 제가 가정 문제로 또래 친구들과의 상호작용을 잘 못 하고 큰 편인데 이것 때문에 남들보다 더 해주고도 '스윗하지 못하다' 는 평을 대놓고 받는 등 그런 문제가 있어서 문제가 없으려고 최대한 베풀어주고 항상 응응 들어주는 편이었는데, 그러다 보니 다들 아무렇지 않게 과제해달라고 해놓고 뭐 준다고 하고 씹는다든가 이런 일이 반복적으로 일어나더라고요. 그래서 ③ 사람에게는 밀땅 없이 잘해주기만 함 안 되는구나! 란 편견도 생겼습니다.... 근데 ①, ②, ③ 를 종합하면 사람들에게는 항상 강해보이도록 행동하면서, 내 감정은 얘기하지 않고, 밀당해야 한단 건데.. 그게 너무 피곤하고 그러느니 그냥 책 보는 게 재밌거든요? DNA에 각인된 외로움이 올라오면 인터넷, 즉발성 모임 등으로 해소하면서 자기계발만 하고 사는 게 차라리 캐이득일 거 같은데.. 근데 그럼 안 되겠죠? 그리고 사람들이 다 저런 게 아니겠죠?????뭔가 다 관계에서 즐거움이 있으니까.. 관계를 맺을 거 아니에요..? ㅠㅠ 1,2,3대로라면 정말 관계는 전쟁터인 건데; ④ 그래서 전 제가 작은 상처로 찔찔 우는 사람인가 했는데 이거보다 적은 상처로도 서로 울고 화해하고 싸우고 이런 친구관계도 많았더라고요. 즉 제가 '상처받을 만해서 상처받았다' 이걸 인정하는 데도 오랜 시간이 걸렸습니다. 근데 이상하게 지금까지 인간들이랑 문제를 겪었을 때를 보면 '난 A하고 B해서 힘들었어. 이건 상식적이지 않잖니.' 했을 때... 솔직히 말해서 대부분의 사람들이 저한테 자기 문제를 인정했어요. 근데 그래놓고는 '그래도 사람이 실수할 수 있잖아' 라고 하거나 '나라고 널 안 참아줬냐' 라든지 다른 얘기를 하면서 더는 관계를 분을 못 이겨 못 이어가더라고요.. 그니까 제 말은, 저한테 한 실수 자체는 인정하는 경우가 많아요. (명백하게 약속을 해놓고 안 지킨다던가 했기 때문에. 그리고 제가 그런 거에 보통 화를 내거든요.) 근데 미안해하진 않아요.... 근데 대체 다른 사람들은 어떻게 실수를 지적하고도 관계를 계속 이어갈 수 있나요? 보통 너무 자존심 상해하면서 그냥 관계가 끊기던데요.. 그리고 저한테 사람들이 한 잘못보다 훨씬 작은 잘못도, 어떻게 조직 분위기를 타면 그 사람이 되게 못된 X 취급이 되던데 (심지어 어느 날의 인사 같은 아주 작고 사소한 거 하나로도) 한 번도 저한테 뭘 잘못한 사람들이 조직의 분위기를 타서 비난 받는 건 못본 거 같아요 지금도 위의 이유로 인연을 끊은.. 이라기보단 끊긴 것에 대해 공통인맥 하나는 저보고 제가 화가 많은 것처럼 행동하는데 약간 당황스럽습니다... 자기라도 과제 해줌 뭐 해준다 했는데 씹히면 억울할 텐데.. 제가 걔 성격 아는데 걔 자기가 당했음 못 견뎠을 텐데.. 제가 제 억울함을 잘 '매력 있게' 표출을 못하나??라는 걱정이 들어요 근데 그렇다고 가만히 있음 또 사람들이 선을 넘고.... 으으으음 대체 인간관계의 즐거움이 뭔가요? 있긴 한가요? ㅎㅎㅎㅎㅎㅎㅎ (아님 이녀석 그냥 친구 만들긴 글렀다 함 솔직히 말해주세요..) Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 133 Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 146 Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 161 0 |
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Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 616
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 618
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 618
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 612
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 612
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 620
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 628
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 628
Warning: Use of undefined constant HTTP_HOST - assumed 'HTTP_HOST' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 640
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 644
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 646
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 646
Warning: Use of undefined constant HTTP_HOST - assumed 'HTTP_HOST' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/cmt_replace.php on line 3
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 6
Warning: Use of undefined constant file_name - assumed 'file_name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 28
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 65
140257 class="iamcmt" style="display:none;"> Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 66
140257 class='vcm '>
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 70
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 71
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 76
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 117
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 118
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 119
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 120
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 121
140257'> 골든햄스
Warning: Use of undefined constant mod_date - assumed 'mod_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 133
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 140
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 140
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 142
23/11/12 11:13
140257>삭제 주소복사
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 150
저번에 번아웃 글 올리고 나서 번아웃이 나았습니다...
이번에도 홍차넷의 영험함을 믿습니다
-홍멘-
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 158
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 166
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
3
이번에도 홍차넷의 영험함을 믿습니다
-홍멘-
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 158
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 166
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
3
140257>
140257>
