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홍차넷
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티타임
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- 다양한 주제에 대해 자유롭게 글을 작성하는 게시판입니다.
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전체기타일상/생각꿀팁/강좌방송/연예도서/문학영화의료/건강문화/예술경제생활체육과학/기술철학/종교정치요리/음식역사여행육아/가정IT/컴퓨터음악창작게임스포츠사회오프모임
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| Date |
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| Name | The xian |
| Subject | 돈이 없는 것보다 더 부끄러운 것 |
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(물론 실제 역사와는 다소 차이가 있지만) 태조 왕건에서 학사 최승우는 왕위 계승 문제로 대립이 걷잡을 수 없게 되며 후백제의 멸망이 다가오자 자신의 글들을 태우거나 선물로 주고, 자신을 수행하던 집사나 식솔들에게 후한 보수를 주고 내보낸 다음 능환과 상귀가 자신의 목숨을 끊으려고 쳐들어 오자 그들을 맞이한 뒤 독이 든 차를 마시고 스스로 생을 마감합니다. 일일이 다 말씀드리는 것은 곤란하지만 당시 최승우 학사가 왜 그런 행동을 했는지에 대해 공감이 갈 만한 일이 최근 몇 년간 제 주변에서 많이 일어났습니다. 제 자신의 신상에도, 주변에도, 주위에도 말입니다. 그런 분위기에 점점 끌려들어가다보니 어느 새 제 자신이 가지고 있는 무언가를 처분하고 있는 제 자신을 보게 됩니다. 피규어라든지 책이라든지 아니면 다른 무언가든지. 물론 표면적인 이유는 빚 때문입니다. 사실 제가 지고 있는 빚이 한두푼은 아닙니다. 하지만 그게 빚을 져서라도 가지고 있어야 하는 것이라면 과연 제가 그걸 지금처럼 너무도 쉽게 팔았을까요? 족히 잡아도 최소 수백만원어치 되는 물건을 그렇게 쉽게 판다고 내놓을까요? 가슴에 손을 얹고 물어봤습니다. 제 자신에게. 아니라고 하더군요. 정말로 제가 없어서 안 될 거라고 생각하면 파는 게 아니라 어떻게든 일을 더 늘려서 그걸 가지고 있었을 거라는 거고, 지금 몸이 아프다느니 지쳤다느니 어쨌다느니 해서 무언가를 더 하지 못한다는 것은 한낱 제 자신이 조금 더 생각을 그만두고자 하는 핑계거리에 지나지 않는다는 제 자신의 결론이 나왔습니다. 그리고 실제로 예전엔 그랬었기 때문에 딱히 변명할 말도 없습니다. 그런 생각을 하다 보니 제 자신이 부끄러워집니다. 지금 저에게 없는 것이 단지 돈만이라면 차라리 부끄럽지 않겠다 싶습니다. 낡아빠진 말이지만 정말로 돈은 있다가도 없고 없다가도 있는 녀석이니까요. 돈이 없는 것보다 삶에 대한 '애착'까지 같이 없어진 것이 제가 제 자신에게 정말 부끄러운 일입니다. 삶이란 건 무언가를 쥐고 살아가야 하는 목적과 의지가 있어야 하는데 그 근원이 되는 애착이 점점 사라져 가는 것입니다. 삶의 의지가, 삶의 목적이 사라져 가는 것이지요. 제가 지금 버리고 팔면서 무언가를 없애는 것이 성현들이나 신들의 가르침처럼 삶에 있어서 무언가를 내려놓고자 하는 선한 마음이나 나태했던 주변을 정리정돈하는 것만이라면 참으로 다행한 일이지만 불행하게도 그런 마음보다는 삶에 있어서 '내가 소중하다고 여겼던 것들'이 사라지고 삶을 더 살아갈 만한 동기 부여가 그만큼 사라지니까 모든 게 덧없어 보이는 것이 더 강하다 싶기에 제 자신에게 부끄러운 것입니다. 오죽하면, 요즘 과거의 삶을 돌아보거나, 과거의 추억을 떠올리는 글을 쓰는 빈도가 높아진 것도 어쩌면 그것 때문이 아닌가 하는 의심도 들었습니다. 아. 그렇다고 혹시나 제가 죽을 걱정을 하지는 않으셔도 됩니다. 잔병도 큰병도 많아서 언제 가도 이상하지 않을지도 모르겠지만 제 의지로는 해서도 안 되고 할 수도 없습니다. 어차피 매여 있는 몸이니 저에게는 독이 든 차를 마시고 생을 마감할 자유 같은 건 없습니다. 오히려 저는 그런 위기가 닥치더라도 살아서 벗어나야 하는 참으로 무모한 환경에 놓여 있다고 해야 맞는 상황이지요. 다행히 곧 명절입니다. 명절에는 다른 바쁘고 신경쓸 일이 많겠으나 명절에 일을 놓고 잠깐 쉬는 기간 동안 다시 마음을 다잡고 살아 볼 길을 찾아야겠다 싶습니다. - The xian - Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 133 Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 146 Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 161 21
이 게시판에 등록된 The xian님의 최근 게시물
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Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 616
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 618
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 618
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 612
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 612
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 620
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 628
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 628
Warning: Use of undefined constant HTTP_HOST - assumed 'HTTP_HOST' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 640
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 644
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 646
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 646
Warning: Use of undefined constant HTTP_HOST - assumed 'HTTP_HOST' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/cmt_replace.php on line 3
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 6
Warning: Use of undefined constant file_name - assumed 'file_name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 28
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 65
120280 class="iamcmt" style="display:none;"> Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 66
120280 class='vcm '>
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 70
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 71
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 76
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 117
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 118
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 119
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 120
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 121
120280'> moqq
Warning: Use of undefined constant mod_date - assumed 'mod_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 133
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 140
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 140
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 142
19/01/31 09:36
120280>삭제 주소복사
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 150
'죽음의 수용소에서' 라는 책은 닥터 프랭클이 아우슈비츠 살고 나와서 삶의 의미를 찾아야한다는 뜻으로 쓴 책입니다.
수용소 내에서 수용자들은 지급되는 담배를 고이 모셔둡니다. 간수에게 뇌물로 쓸 수 있으니까요.
근데 자살하기 전에 사람들의 많은 수는 이 담배를 자기가 피워버린다고 하더라구요...
그리고 꼭 의미는 찾아야만 하는 건 아닌 것 같고, 자신 스스로 부여해도 된다고 봅니다.
좋은 의미를 찾으시길 기원합니다.
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 158
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 166
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 171
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
2
수용소 내에서 수용자들은 지급되는 담배를 고이 모셔둡니다. 간수에게 뇌물로 쓸 수 있으니까요.
근데 자살하기 전에 사람들의 많은 수는 이 담배를 자기가 피워버린다고 하더라구요...
그리고 꼭 의미는 찾아야만 하는 건 아닌 것 같고, 자신 스스로 부여해도 된다고 봅니다.
좋은 의미를 찾으시길 기원합니다.
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 158
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 166
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 171
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
2
120280>
120280>
