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홍차넷
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티타임
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/bbs_title.php on line 21
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- 다양한 주제에 대해 자유롭게 글을 작성하는 게시판입니다.
Warning: Use of undefined constant use_formmail - assumed 'use_formmail' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 519
Warning: Use of undefined constant use_category - assumed 'use_category' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/include/print_category.php on line 9
전체기타일상/생각꿀팁/강좌방송/연예도서/문학영화의료/건강문화/예술경제생활체육과학/기술철학/종교정치요리/음식역사여행육아/가정IT/컴퓨터음악창작게임스포츠사회오프모임
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| Date |
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 53 17/10/10 21:42:08 Warning: Use of undefined constant mod_date - assumed 'mod_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 56 |
| Name | 개마시는 술장수 |
| Subject | 백수기(白首記) |
|
눈을 떠보니 낮선 천장이다. ...는 개뿔. 어제와 같은 오늘이다. 잠은 아무리 자도 더 필요하고 사치스럽게도 이불 속의 온도는 너무나 포근하다. '나오기 싫다.' 10분만 더 있다 나오자고 생각하고 6분이 지났을 즈음에 기어나온다. 이미 시간을 정해놓은 이상 편치 않다. 잠에 깨어나면 가장 먼저 양치를 한다. 거의 집에만 있지만 입에서 구취가 나고 싶진 않으니깐. 어디선가 양치질이 의식이 깨어나는데 효과가 있다는 연구글을 본 것 같기에 조금이라도 효과가 있지 않을까 싶다. 적당히 입을 헹구고 쇼파에 앉아 생각에 잠긴다. "자...오늘은 무엇을 할까" 백수가 된지 벌써 4개월째이다. 20대 중반에 대학을 졸업을 하고 서른 사이에 의도치 않은 이직을 자주 하게되었다. 열정페이, 인턴쉽 만료, 임금체불, 사내정치, 회사부도... 신물이 났다. 직장생활은 끌이 보이지 않는 터널과 같았고 이대로 끌려다니면 그 어둠속에 먹혀버릴 것만 같았다. 제대한 군인은 무엇인든지 할수 있을 것 같은 느낌이 들기 마련이다. 이 지긋지긋한 열정을 먹는 자들에게서 도망칠 있다면 무엇이든지 할 수 있을 것 같았다. 그래서 서른이 되던 해에 대학동기와 함께 모아놓은 돈을 탈탈 털어서 사업을 시작했다. 그리고 4년하고도 214일이 되던 날, 마지막으로 모든 것을 정리했다. 남은 것 없었다. 전부 잿더미일뿐. 그나마 다행인 것은 빚은 없다는 것이었다. 모아둔 돈은 전부 사업에 부었고 잘안되던 일에 호흡기를 씌우기 위해 사용하였다. 미련한 짓이었다. 질질 끌지 않고 그 때라도 멈췄으면 지금처럼 되지 않았을텐데..... 이젠 서른중반이 된 지금 이 시점에 무자본 무경력의 백수가 탄생하였다. 사업의 성공은 자본의 양이 좌우한다. 한번의 실패가 있어도 다시 일어설 총알이 남아있다면 다시 전장으로 나갈 수가 있다. 하지만 한 탄창에 모든 것을 쏟아부은 병사에게 남은건 엎드려 적이 오기를 기다리고 있는 것 뿐이다. 변변한 경력도 없는 내가 할 수 있는 일은 너무나 제한되어있었다. 간신히 좁은 인맥을 동원하여 새 직장을 구했다. 하루에 12시간동안 일하며 일주일에 한번 쉬기도 어려운 노동직이다. 급여는 최저임금이며 사람이 없다는 핑계로 사실상 14시간동안 일해야했다 일자리 구하기 힘들다는 것을 알고 있기에 불만없이 일했다. 아니 일할 수 밖에 없었다. 6개월이 지났을때 내 왼쪽 무릎이 아작나기 전까지. "뭐, 이력서라도 다시 써봐야지" 어제는 고용센터를 갔었다. 국가지원교육이라도 받을 수 있을지 확인하기 위해서이다. 상담원은 내 이력을 살펴보더니 심사기준에 건강보험료가 1,600원이 더 높다고 기준 미달이라고 한다. 흠...흥미롭군. 뭔가를 배우고 싶다면 자비로 충당할 수 밖에 없는건가. 계좌에 잔고가 간당간당한 입장에서는 우울한 일이다. 기술이라도 배워야 빛이 보일 것 같지만 어떤 것을 선택해야 할지도 망막한 일이다. 이미 흥미있는 일을 하기엔 너무 늦은 나이다. 돈을 벌 수 있는 일을 찾아야 한다. 아니, 돈을 떠나서 취직이 가능한 일을 찾아야한다. 영어책을 펴본다. 오래 전에 끊은 토익 공부를 다시 시작하였다. 이전 성적은 만료된지 오래니까. 사실 쉰입에게 영어성적같은게 별 의미 없을테지만 없는 것보단 나을테지. 전에 알고있던 내용도 많이 잊었기에 다시 공부하기는 쉽지않다. 그보다 그동안 줄어든 뇌세포의 양만큼 학습이 어렵게 느껴지는 것이겠지만. 국가지원정책을 찾아보고 이력서를 수정하고 원서를 넣어본다. 없는 것보단 나을거라는 생각으로 영어공부를 해본다. 잠시 않아 다시 한번 생각해본다. 지금 나는 무엇을 할 수 있을까. 무엇을 해야 이 상활을 벗어날 수 있을까. 어떤 것을 배워야 새 직장을 구할 수 있을까. 대학 때의 인턴쉽을 계속 버텼을으면 어땠을까. 사업을 시작하지 않았으면 어땠을까. 한번의 실패로 재기가 힘든 건 너무 가혹하지 않은가. 잃을게 없으니 미친척하고 공무원 시험에 올인해볼까. 생각만으로 무언가를 바꾸는 것은 불가능하다. 망상으로 세상을 바꿀 수 있었다면 이미 난 데우스 엑스 마키나 같은게 되었을테지. 희망은 보이지 않고 세상에 홀로 남겨진 기분이다. 내 자존감이 위협받고는 있는 걸까? 우울하다. 이렇게 희망이 없는 상황이 계속되면 나는... 이라는 생각에 도달했을때 잠시 생각을 멈추고 생각자체를 다시 더듬어보다 허탈하게 웃었다. "뭐 언제는 희망이 있어서 살았나" Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 133 Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 146 Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 161 11
이 게시판에 등록된 개마시는 술장수님의 최근 게시물 |
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Warning: Use of undefined constant HTTP_HOST - assumed 'HTTP_HOST' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 640
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 644
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Warning: Use of undefined constant HTTP_HOST - assumed 'HTTP_HOST' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/cmt_replace.php on line 3
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 6
Warning: Use of undefined constant file_name - assumed 'file_name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 28
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92158 class="iamcmt" style="display:none;"> Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 66
92158 class='vcm '>
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 70
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92158'> Credit
Warning: Use of undefined constant mod_date - assumed 'mod_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 133
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 140
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17/10/10 21:47
92158>삭제 주소복사
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 150
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T5YT0HPgo9g
글을 읽으며 함께 들으면 괜찮을 음악 하나 소개합니다.
놀리거나 비하하는게 아니라, 백수라는건 회복을 위한 최고의 기간이라고 생각합니다. 어떤 일이든 언젠가는 반드시 찾아오게 되어 있으니, 굳이 절망하실 필요 없이 즐기다보면 피할 수 없는 일이 나를 찾아오는 날이 올거예요. 저도 장사하기 전까지 약3년가량 푹 쉰적이 있는데 그때도 딱히 걱정없이 살았던 게, 이 쉬는 기간이 영원하진 않을거라는 느낌이 있었거든요. 기운 내시고 그냥 그 시간을 즐기시면 될 것 같습니다.
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 158
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1
글을 읽으며 함께 들으면 괜찮을 음악 하나 소개합니다.
놀리거나 비하하는게 아니라, 백수라는건 회복을 위한 최고의 기간이라고 생각합니다. 어떤 일이든 언젠가는 반드시 찾아오게 되어 있으니, 굳이 절망하실 필요 없이 즐기다보면 피할 수 없는 일이 나를 찾아오는 날이 올거예요. 저도 장사하기 전까지 약3년가량 푹 쉰적이 있는데 그때도 딱히 걱정없이 살았던 게, 이 쉬는 기간이 영원하진 않을거라는 느낌이 있었거든요. 기운 내시고 그냥 그 시간을 즐기시면 될 것 같습니다.
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1
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