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홍차넷
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티타임
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- 다양한 주제에 대해 자유롭게 글을 작성하는 게시판입니다.
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전체기타일상/생각꿀팁/강좌방송/연예도서/문학영화의료/건강문화/예술경제생활체육과학/기술철학/종교정치요리/음식역사여행육아/가정IT/컴퓨터음악창작게임스포츠사회오프모임
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| Date |
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| Name | 化神 |
| Subject | 휴학하고 싶어요. |
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점심 먹고 있는데, 뜬금 없는 동생의 말 한마디가 순간 모두를 당황하게 했다. 아버지 생신이라고, 그동안 서로 얼굴보기 힘들었던 4인 가족이 한데 모여 나름 고급 부페를 왔는데, 한 접시 비우니 동생이 꺼낸 첫 한마디였다. 휴학하고 싶어요. 모두의 정적을 깬 건 역시나 어머니였다. 왜 휴학하려고. 휴학하고 뭐하려고. 아 공부도 잘 안되고... 워홀이나 가려고요.... 내가 생각하던 그대로. 동생은 애초에 공부를 진득하게 하는 놈이 아니었다. 그건 물론 나도 마찬가지였지만. 형제는 얼굴이 닮았다는 것 외에는 닮은 것이 없다. 형은 어느새 비만이 되었고 동생은 어느새 저체중, 음악 취향도 다르고 게임 취향도 다르고 성격도 다르고 하지만 형제가 공감하는 것이 있으니, 주변 눈치(특히 부모님)만 안보면 한 몸 건사할 수는 있다는 것이었다. 애초에 목적이 불분명한 삶을 살고 있으니 공부가 될 리가 없다. 휴학하겠다고 선언한 그 상황이 이해가 되는 바이고, 나 역시 성적이 좋지 않은채로 졸업하여 대학원이라는 구실로 연명하고 있으니 딱히 동생을 탓할 처지는 못되지만, 담아두었지만 부모님한테는 곧이곧대로 들릴리가 없어 속으로만 삭히고 있는 그 많은 말들이 채 튀어나오지 못하고 속에 갇혀 있는 꼴을 보자니 한심하기 그지 없어서 또 왈칵 흥분하고 말았다. 말을 똑바로 해야지. 공부를 못해서 그냥 학교 다니면 돈 낭비하는 꼴이라 다니지 않는게 낫다고 하던가. 워킹 홀리데이 가려고 휴학하는 게 아니면서 휴학하는 핑계로 가져다 대면 누가 그래 휴학하래 라고 한다디? 한심한 그 꼴은 실상 두 형제 모두 같지만, 나 한테는 관대하고 남한테는 막대하기로는 또 누구보다 제일이라, 동생의 헛점을 날카롭게 파내었다. 아 수가 보이는 걸 어떡하란 말인가. 동생은 힘겹게 말을 꺼냈고 힘겹게 꺼낸 말을 이어가지 못하고 있었다. 아버지도 수저를 내려놓고 형국을 관망하고 있었고 어머니만 몸이 달아 동생을 다그치기 시작했다. 나는 이 상황의 끝이 보이는 터라, 새로운 한 접시를 찾아왔더니 왠걸, 어머니는 동생을 다그치고 있었다. 너 그렇게 살면 사람들이 널 무시해. 애들이 아직 세상이 어떤 곳인지를 모르네. 그렇게 살면 누가 너 사람 취급이나 할 것 같아? 동생은 익히 나와 얘기했던, '나 혼자 살라고 치면 어떻게든 살 수 있지.' 라는 논조로 얘기를 했을것이 분명하고 이는 부모님이 듣기에 가당찮은 소리였을 것이 분명하다. 결국 동생은 패배자의 길로 한걸음씩 내딛고 있는 꼴이 되었다. 과연 현실을 모르는 건 나와 동생인걸까 아니면 부모님인걸까. 어머니의 말씀앞에 고개 숙인 내 동생은 또 묵묵부답이었다. 내 동생은 어릴때부터 그랬다. 정작 해야할 말은 못하고 속으로 쌓아두기만 하다가 나중에 꼭 이상한 방향으로 튀어나가서 모두를 당황하게 하곤 했다. 이번에도 꼭 그랬다. 물론 그 전에 내가 나서서 동생을 위한 변호를 했다. 왜 애 인생을 벌써 망했다고 그래 망하긴 뭘 망했다고 그래. 너는 꼭 그러더라. 부모가 되가지고 자식한테 조언하는 걸 왜 고깝게 들어. 이게 조언하는거야? 이게 조언이야? 애 한테 너 인생 망해. 그따위로 살면 인생 망해 라고 말하는게 조언이야? 너는 앞에 왜 그런 얘기가 나왔는 지 모르면서 뭘 그렇게 얘기해. 안들어도 뻔해. 나랑 벌써 한참 전에 끝난 얘기야. 현실 모른다고 생각하지마. 어디까지 얘기를 해야 될 지 몰라서 많이 갈등했다. 꿈은 크게 가져야지. 남들한테 베풀고 살아야지. 어머니 말씀의 핵심은 이것이었다. 사람이 당면한 상황에만 매몰되어서 살면 안된다고. 맞는 말씀이다. 그런데 반문하고 싶었다. 정작 부모님은 그렇게 사시냐고. 그런데 그럴 순 없지. 난 이미 이 사실을 15년도 전에 깨달았다. 부모님이 말씀하시는 그대로 부모님에게 적용시킬 순 없다고. 내가 어릴 적에 어머니께서 날 공부 안한다고 다그치길래 그럼 아버지는 그만큼 돈 벌어오냐고 했다가 싸가지 없는 놈, 근본 없는 놈. 집을 나가라 등등 그런 험악한 상황을 연출한 적이 있다. 그 이후로 절대 그런 얘기는 안한다. 하지만 가만히 듣자니 정말 제대로 알고 하는 말씀인가 싶다. 내 주변에만 해도 몇년 동안 고시공부 하는 사람들도 있다. 취업이 안되서 취업 재수 삼수 하는 사람들도 있고. 두산인프라코어 희망퇴직(이라고 읽고 강제퇴직) 사건도 생각이 났다. 내 주변 사람들도 다 한치 앞을 못내다보고 사는데 그리고 이미 세상이 그렇게 돌아가는데 어떻게 꿈은 크게 가지고, 다른 사람을 돕고 살겠는가. 지금 당장 내 한 몸 건사하는 것도 힘든데. 식탁은 순간 말들의 잔칫상이 되었다. 물론 그 잔치의 주인공은 아버지가 아니게 된 지 오래였다. 결말은 어떻게 되었는 지 모른다. 동생이 휴학을 하게 될 지 안하게 될 지. 그렇지만 나와 내 동생과 부모님 사이의 간격은 조금 더 벌어졌다. Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 133 Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 146 Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 161 2 이 게시판에 등록된 化神님의 최근 게시물
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Warning: Use of undefined constant is_admin - assumed 'is_admin' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 605
Warning: Use of undefined constant is_admin - assumed 'is_admin' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 605
Warning: Use of undefined constant is_admin - assumed 'is_admin' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 609
Warning: Use of undefined constant is_admin - assumed 'is_admin' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 609
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 614
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 616
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 618
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 618
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 612
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 612
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 620
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 628
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 628
Warning: Use of undefined constant HTTP_HOST - assumed 'HTTP_HOST' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 640
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 644
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 646
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 646
Warning: Use of undefined constant HTTP_HOST - assumed 'HTTP_HOST' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/cmt_replace.php on line 3
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 6
Warning: Use of undefined constant file_name - assumed 'file_name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 28
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 65
25878 class="iamcmt" style="display:none;"> Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 66
25878 class='vcm '>
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 70
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 71
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 76
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 117
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 118
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 119
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 120
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 121
25878'> Toby
Warning: Use of undefined constant mod_date - assumed 'mod_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 133
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 140
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 140
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 142
15/12/21 02:29
25878>삭제 주소복사
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 150
저는 아무 계획없이 휴학하고 싶다고 했는데. 부모님께서 선뜻 그러라고 하셔서 내심 놀랐던 기억이 나네요.
지나고 나서 알고보니 부모님도 두자녀 등록금 대는게 빠듯하셨다고...
덕분에 저는 1년을 잘 놀고 복학했습니다. 애초에 학교 다니기 싫다고 한 휴학이었으나 마땅히 뾰족한 수는 없었으니까요. 쉬면서 익혔던 홈페이지 만드는 기술로 병역특례취업도 하고 했으니 결과적으론 잘 풀려서 쉬는기간이 도움이 되었습니다.
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 158
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 166
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 171
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
지나고 나서 알고보니 부모님도 두자녀 등록금 대는게 빠듯하셨다고...
덕분에 저는 1년을 잘 놀고 복학했습니다. 애초에 학교 다니기 싫다고 한 휴학이었으나 마땅히 뾰족한 수는 없었으니까요. 쉬면서 익혔던 홈페이지 만드는 기술로 병역특례취업도 하고 했으니 결과적으론 잘 풀려서 쉬는기간이 도움이 되었습니다.
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 158
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 166
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 171
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
25878>
25878>
