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홍차넷
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티타임
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/bbs_title.php on line 21
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- 다양한 주제에 대해 자유롭게 글을 작성하는 게시판입니다.
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전체기타일상/생각꿀팁/강좌방송/연예도서/문학영화의료/건강문화/예술경제생활체육과학/기술철학/종교정치요리/음식역사여행육아/가정IT/컴퓨터음악창작게임스포츠사회오프모임
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| Date |
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 53 21/07/13 01:58:29 Warning: Use of undefined constant mod_date - assumed 'mod_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 56 |
| Name | lonely INTJ |
| Subject | 회피를 통한 극복 |
|
https://youtu.be/I_loYTdHmPs [인생이란 망망대해를 항해함에 있어 중요한 것은 내가 "바다"에 있다는 사실을 인정하는 것이다. 그것을 긍정하는 것이다.그리고 마저 항해하는 것이다.] 불과 몇개월 전에 이런 글을 남겼다.2월달이니 5달정도 지난 것이겠지. 그 때와 지금 다른게 있다면 정신과 약을 끊었다는 점이다.참고로 정신과에서 치료 종료를 안내 받은 것도 아니고 약 복용을 줄이라고 하지도 않았다.그냥 본인의 의지로 안 간 것이다. 일종의 자의적 판단이였다.난 이제 괜찮아라고. 근데 이건 어디까지나 대증적인 이야기다.작년 초에 있었던 우울감은 사라졌다. 나는 지금 당장 목을 메고 싶지도 않고 삶을 내던지고 싶은 충동은 없어졌다. 눈에 보이는, 체감 되는 상처가 없으니 더 이상 치료가 필요하지 않다는 생각이 들었다. 그렇지만 지금 누군가 내게 다가와 총을 겨누며 죽을래? 라고 말한다면 딱히 이에 저항할 생각은 없다.아 쏘던지 말던지..이왕이면 한 방에 보내다오.라고 뭐 이렇게 자신감에 차서 말해도 막상 누군가 총을 겨눈다면 미친듯이 비굴하게 그리고 처절하게 도망칠지 모르겠다. 그렇지만 적어도 이성적으로는 저항에 의지는 없다. 나는 그렇게 생각한다.인간에게 있어 자살이란 일종의 중력과 같다고. 이에 저항하는 동력원을 만들지 않으면, 결국엔 자연적으로 그 곳으로 향하게 되리라고. 지구에서 벗어나려면 탈출 속도에 이르러야 하고 엔진에 연료를 주입하여 태우지 않으면 벗어날 수 없듯이 인간이란 그렇게 설계되어 있다고 믿는다. 이러한 믿음의 근원은 외로움과 사회적 동물이라는 아이러니한 상반된 개념에 기반한다. 인간은 사회적인 동물임과 동시에 외로운 동물이다.상호작용을 하지 않고는 살아남을 수 없지만 그러한 상호작용은 필연적으로 벽에 부딪히게 되어있고 벽에 부딪히는 순간 외로움은 인간을 짖누른다. 그러한 외로움은 다시 상호작용으로 우리를 향하게 하고 그러한 상호작용은 다시 인간을 외로움으로 밀어 넣는다. 나, 개인으로서는 그러한 상호작용의 벽을 절실하게 깨닫고는 더이상 누군가와 그러한 상호작용을 할 생각이 없다. 그렇다고 외로움을 느끼지 않는 것은 아니다.그 결과 외로움은 점점 가중되고 70억 인구가 가득한 이 지구에서 나 혼자라는 생각이 들지 아니할 수 없는 상황에 이르렀다.언어의 힘은 상실되고 공감의 효과는 0에 수렴해간다. 누가 옆에 있든, 어떤 말을 건네든 의미없는 매질의 진동에 지나지 않는 것이다. 이러한 나에게 있어 생명을 이어가는 이유는 억울함과 공포이다. 이상하리만큼 죽음 앞에서 난 억울한 감정이 앞선다.누가 날 죽음으로 떠민 것도 아니고 오로지 내가 결정한 것인데 "왜 나는 죽어야만 하지? 왜 난 행복하다고 생각이 안들까?"라는 물음이 마음 속을 떠나지 않는다. 이러한 물음마저 무시할 정도로 죽음이라는 중력이 강해졌을 때 마지막으로 그것을 막는 것은 죽음의 고통에 대한 공포이다. 그것이 실패하게 되었을 때 내가 짊어져야할 남은 삶의 고통과 내가 그것에 성공하였을 때 남은 가족이 겪을 고통까지. 나의 죽음에 그들의 지분이 없는 것은 아니지만, 그들의 지분이 내가 죽었을 때 그들마저 죽어야 할만큼 혹은 죽을만큼 고통을 겪게 해야 할 정도란 생각이 들지 않는다.내게 그러한 고통을 겪게 할 권리 또한 없다는 것도 자명한 사실이다. 이러한 몇가지 감정과 권리의 제한만이 내 생명 유지의 원동력이 되는 것이다. 나는 지난 날의 고민과 몇몇 철학자의 도움으로 내 생명에 있어 목적과 의미 그리고 타당성은 애시당초 존재하지 않는다는 것은 이미 알고 있다. 이쯤되면 제목을 반추할 필요가 있다. 제목은 회피를 통한 극복이다. 결국 삶은 극복하는 것이다.오늘의 나가 어제가 되고, 내일의 나가 오늘의 나가 되게 만드는 것은 극복이다. 또 하루 그 무거운 중력을 등에 지고 내 정신의 힘을 통해 이를 극복하는 것. 이러한 극복의 기반은 자살을 향한 중력이라는 명제를 회피하는 것으로 부터 시작된다. 인간이 애초에 그렇게 설계되어 있다는 사실을 회피하는 것.잊는 것.억지로 무시하며 삶을 이어나가는 것.그것만이 핵심이며 유일한 연료이다. 나는 오늘도 그 연료를 태우며 살아남았다.연료가 바닥나는 날이 오게 되리란 생각이 들지 않는 것은 아니다. 그렇지만 지금 이 순간에 내 연료 게이지는 적어도 다음 주유소에 도착할 수 있을 만큼은 차있다. 연료가 남았는데 내가 일부러 시동을 끄지 않는 한 이 엔진은 계속해서 연료를 태우며 힘을 낼 것이다. 분명 다음 주유소가 있겠지 하며 오늘도 엔진을 불태운다. Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 133 Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 146 Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 161 8
이 게시판에 등록된 lonely INTJ님의 최근 게시물 |
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Warning: Use of undefined constant is_admin - assumed 'is_admin' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 605
Warning: Use of undefined constant is_admin - assumed 'is_admin' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 609
Warning: Use of undefined constant is_admin - assumed 'is_admin' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 609
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 614
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 616
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 618
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 618
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 612
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 612
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 620
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 628
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 628
Warning: Use of undefined constant HTTP_HOST - assumed 'HTTP_HOST' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 640
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 644
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 646
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 646
Warning: Use of undefined constant HTTP_HOST - assumed 'HTTP_HOST' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/cmt_replace.php on line 3
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 6
Warning: Use of undefined constant file_name - assumed 'file_name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 28
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 65
159804 class="iamcmt" style="display:none;"> Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 66
159804 class='vcm '>
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 70
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 71
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 76
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 117
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 118
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 119
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 120
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 121
159804'> copin
Warning: Use of undefined constant mod_date - assumed 'mod_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 133
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 140
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 140
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 142
21/07/13 09:49
159804>삭제 주소복사
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 150
일에 치여 살면 다른 생각이 별로 안나더라구여
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 158
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 166
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
2
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 158
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 166
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
2
159804>
159804>
