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홍차넷
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티타임
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- 다양한 주제에 대해 자유롭게 글을 작성하는 게시판입니다.
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전체기타일상/생각꿀팁/강좌방송/연예도서/문학영화의료/건강문화/예술경제생활체육과학/기술철학/종교정치요리/음식역사여행육아/가정IT/컴퓨터음악창작게임스포츠사회오프모임
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| Date |
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 53 20/01/29 01:02:38 Warning: Use of undefined constant mod_date - assumed 'mod_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 56 |
| Name | necessary evil |
| Subject | 죽음이란 쉬운 길을 앞에 두고 나는 혐오스런 마츠코처럼 걸을 수 있을까? |
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한 사람이 가장 밝게 빛날 때가 언제인지 아시나요? 아이러니하게도 그것은 비극적이고 갑작스런 죽음을 맞이했을 때입니다. 하필 이 발상을 하던 중에 코비 브라이언트의 사고가 일어났군요. 소프트한 농구팬으로서 평소 그에 대해 별 애틋함이 없었음에도 차오르는 슬픔에 추모글을 읽고 같은 글을 또 읽는 것으로 하루를 보냈습니다. 유명인일수록 곱절이 되는, 죽음의 마력이죠. 죽음은 슬픔을 배가시키면서 인상 또한 뒤바꿉니다. 솔직히 설리를 그다지 좋은 이미지로 보지 않았습니다만, 그가 숨을 스스로 끊었다는 사실을 알게 되자 마치 원래 그를 좋아했었던 것처럼 머릿속에서 착각이 일어나기도 했죠. 서로 니들이 설리를 죽였다는 쓰레기같은 현상은 이 같은 느낌의 극단화일테죠. 코비 이야기로 돌아가서, 그는 살아서는 받을 수 없었을ㅡ언제나 그는 존경의 대상이었지만ㅡ최고의 찬사와 경의를 이 짧은 시간 동안 몰아서 받았습니다. 그가 정상적인 생을 영위했다면 댈러스 매버릭스에서 그의 번호를 결번하는 일은 없었겠죠. 또 지금은 NBA로고를 코비의 실루엣으로 바꾸자는 운동도 일어나고 있고요. 죽음이 가진 힘 중 또 하나는 이렇게 평소라면 다들 오버라고 생각할 발상을 다수가 찐텐으로 하도록 감정적 동요를 일으킨다는 점입니다. 비꼬는 건 절대 아닙니다. 저도 로고 바꾸는 거 찬성이거든요. 비극적인 죽음의 효과는 초신성 폭발과 같습니다. 노화에 의한 최후가 아니라는 점만 빼면요. 생전 받았던 모든 영광을 합친 것보다도 한순간만큼은 찬란하게 빛나고 모두가 기억하겠다는 약속을 하지만 그 광휘는 이내 일어날 망각의 전조이기도 하단 점에서요. 코비의 무브는 유튜브에 오래도록 보존되겠지만 그것을 상기시켜줄 코비 본인은 더 이상 이 세상에 없으니까요. 코비쯤 되는 월드 와이드 스타는 그 기간이 평범한 인간의 생애에 비견될 수 있으니 당장 체감은 안될지도 모르지만. 베르테르 효과를 다들 아실테죠. 유명인의 자살은 연쇄적인 자살의 위험을 안고 있다. 물론 사고사와 자살은 경우가 다르다고 할 수 있겠지만, 초신성과 같은 일순간의 자기 파멸(또는 자기 승화)의 욕망에 시달리는 류의 사람은 의외로 많습니다. 이들에게 자살이란 스스로 선택한 사고사에 불과합니다. 자살을 그리는 사람들 중 사고사를, 고통이 극심한 교통사고 같은 건 아니라도 수면 도중의 심장마비 같은 것을 상상하지 않은 사람이 있을까요? 동전던지기에 이긴 어떤 사람들은 태생적으로 이해하지 못하지만, 나는 그것을 늘 곁에 두고 살죠. 에이미 와인하우스와 커트 코베인이라는 로망을. 'If I die tomorrow'를 상상하며 누군가에게 불멸이 되고 진가를 인정받는 환상 하의 쾌감을. 그러나 나는 자살자들을 일반적으로 긍정적으로는 안봅니다. 콕 집어 말하면 초신성이 되고자 하는 자살자들을. 일순간의 발화로 주변인 또는 사회에 임팩트를 남기고자(유서를 쓴다는 게 무슨 의미겠어요) 하는 행위를 불나방과 같이 보기 때문입니다. 우리는 전태일 열사도 코비도 설리도 아니기에. 언제나 그렇듯 그래도 지구는 돌아갈 뿐. 어떤 사람은 말합니다. 죽음과 섹스만큼 재능 없는 인간도 쉽게 다룰 수 있는 자극적인 소재는 없다고. 앤디 워홀도 누구나 15분 간은 스타가 될 수 있다고 말했다죠. 불나방같은 행동으로 스스로를 소진하는 것, 앞서의 키모이한 망상. 이는 별 볼일 없는 자들이라도 쉬운 발상으로 강한 임팩트를 발휘할 수 있다는 것이 그토록 유혹적이기 때문이죠. 이 관심이 찰나의 순간에 사라질 거라는 걸 알아. 내게 관심을 보여, 내가 응당 받아 마땅했던 관심을, 그리고 너희가 너무 늦어버렸음에 참회하기를. 나에게 있어 이 유혹을 제어하는 것은 내면에서 울리는 또 하나의 목소리인, 혐오스런 마츠코의 독백입니다. '아무것도 보이지 않았다. 눈을 내리뜨고서 호흡을 가지런히 한 후, 발을 내디뎠다. 걸을 수 있었다. 한 발 한 발 나아갔다. 공원을 나서서 아스팔트를 힘껏 밟으며 골목길을 걸어 나갔다. 다른 건 생각하지 않고 다만 앞으로 계속 걸었다. 발이 돌에 걸려 넘어져서 얼굴이 땅바닥에 박혀 모래를 씹으며 일어섰다. 전신주에 손을 대고 침을 뱉었다. 걸어야 돼.' 지구가 도는 데에는 이유가 없습니다. 마찬가지로 두 발이 움직일 수 있는 한 사람은 걸을 뿐입니다. 너를 관철하는 쉬운 길이 있다며 속삭이는 메피스토에게 귀기울일 순 없습니다. 불나방이 될 순 없기 때문입니다. 죽음은 아무것도 증명해주지 않습니다. 나는 밝게 빛나기 위해, 즉 타인에게 나를 증명하기 위해 사는 것이 아니라 나에게 나를 증명하기 위해 사는 것이고, 그것은 죽어서는 할 수 없기 때문입니다. 그러나, 나는 언제까지 이 유혹을 견딜 수 있을까요. 잊을 만하면 찾아오는 오욕의 순간에, 화려하게 불타오르는 환각, 매트릭스의 파란 약에 이끌리는 것을 끝까지 막아낼 수 있을까요. 아니, 그것은 막아야만 하는 일이긴 한 걸까요? Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 133 Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 146 Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 161 5 |
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Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 628
Warning: Use of undefined constant HTTP_HOST - assumed 'HTTP_HOST' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 640
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 644
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 646
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 646
Warning: Use of undefined constant HTTP_HOST - assumed 'HTTP_HOST' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/cmt_replace.php on line 3
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 6
Warning: Use of undefined constant file_name - assumed 'file_name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 28
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 65
138802 class="iamcmt" style="display:none;"> Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 66
138802 class='vcm '>
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 70
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 71
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 76
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 117
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 118
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 119
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 120
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 121
138802'> Nuyat
Warning: Use of undefined constant mod_date - assumed 'mod_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 133
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 140
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 140
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 142
20/01/29 01:34
138802>삭제 주소복사
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 150
지금 옆에 있는 누군가가 마츠코와 같은 독백을 되뇌며 걸음을 옮기고 있다는 것을 알게 되면 일단 잠깐 앉아보라 하고 좋아하는 음식을 만들어 대접하고 싶어요. 떡볶이 좋아하시나요? 약간 덜 익은 노른자 계란 프라이를 얹은 버터향 나는 김치볶음밥은 어떠세요.
자살은 안된다는 당위는 저에게도 없..어요 다만 너무 마음 아픈 일이라서 잠깐이라도 같이 숨 쉬고 싶어요. 오늘처럼 따뜻한데 공기좋은 날을 만나기도 하잖아요.
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 158
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 166
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 171
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
4
자살은 안된다는 당위는 저에게도 없..어요 다만 너무 마음 아픈 일이라서 잠깐이라도 같이 숨 쉬고 싶어요. 오늘처럼 따뜻한데 공기좋은 날을 만나기도 하잖아요.
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 158
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 166
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 171
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
4
138802>
138802>
