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홍차넷
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추천
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- 회원들이 추천해주신 좋은 글들을 따로 모아놓는 공간입니다.
- 추천글은 매주 자문단의 투표로 선정됩니다.
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전체기타일상/생각꿀팁/강좌게임문학영화의료/건강문화/예술경제체육/스포츠과학철학/종교정치/사회요리/음식역사여행IT/컴퓨터음악창작사진
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| Date |
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| Name | 난커피가더좋아 |
| Subject | 삐딱하게 사는 것, 사실은 세상이 내게 원한 것 |
|
부제: Being Minority in Majority(주류집단에서 비주류로 살기) ----------------------------------------- #1 한 친구가 있었습니다. 여성이었고, 활동가였습니다. 넉넉하지 않은 집에서 자랐고, 대한민국에서 손꼽힌다는 대학을 다녔지만 한국사회의 불평등 구조를 참지 못했고 열심히 학생운동을 했습니다. 졸업을 한 뒤 먹고 살기위해 임시직으로 일하기도 했으며, 나중에는 싱글맘으로 살며 계속 세상과 싸웠습니다. 그리고 꽤나 유명한 활동가가 됐습니다. 저는 그 친구를 참 존경했습니다. '괜찮은 학벌'과 '이성애자라는 사실','장애가 없다는 점'만 제외하고는 완벽히 한국사회의 마이너리티적 요소를 다 가지고 그걸 짊어지고 살면서도 단 한번도 유쾌하지 않은 모습을 보인 적이 없었기 때문입니다. 약 2년전. 그녀는 비극적으로 세상을 떠났습니다. #2 며칠전 회사에 반차 휴가를 내고 오후에 집으로 걸어가고 있었습니다. 대학원 중간고사 과제를 하기 위해서였죠. 낯익은 한 아저씨가 동료들과 음식점 앞에서 담배를 피우고 있습니다. 그는 예전에 잘 알던 선배였고, 스스로 마이너리티가 되길 선택해 노조활동가로 사는 남성입니다. 서로의 근황에 대해 묻지 않은 채 그저 가벼운 인사를 하고 헤어졌습니다. 저는 가끔 그분이 옛 학교 동료들과 만나면 술에 취해 많은 원망을 쏟아내기도 한다는 얘길 들었습니다. 다들 어디가고 나만 남아서 이 고생을 하고 사느냐는 한탄입니다. 그 역시 '씩씩함'과 '강함'이라면 그 어디에도 뒤지지 않는 사람인데 말입니다. 그녀가 세상을 떠났을 때쯤, 그 선배의 한탄과 원망이 제 귀에도 들어왔습니다. 1990년대 대학생활의 추억을 공유한 상당수의 사람들은 스스로 마이너리티가 되는 길을 택했고 참 열심히 살아가고 있었습니다. 저를 포함한 옛 동료들은 그저 먹고 살기 바쁘다는 이유로 그들에게 많은 관심을 기울이지 못했고, 그런 반성 속에 모임이 하나 꾸려졌습니다. 단 한 번의 오프라인 미팅도 없었지만, 그저 월급에서 한 달에 몇 만원씩을 떼어서 기금을 만드는 겁니다. 최소한 스스로 힘든 길을 택한 그들의 '안전망'은 우리가 만들어주자는 생각이었습니다. #1의 그녀가 세상을 떠나고, #2의 그가 옛 사람들을 향한 원망을 쏟아낸다는 얘기를 들었을 때, 저는 제 삶을 많이 돌아봤습니다. 스스로가 참 비겁했다는 생각이 들었습니다. 1. 안도감은 잠시, 어차피 난 기득권이 아니니까. 저는 별명이 '반골'입니다. 어느 조직에 가나 그렇습니다. 심지어 중위 계급장 달고 중령하고 싸우고 다닐 정도로 불합리한 걸 못참고 들이받고 싸우고 살았으니까요. 그런 제가 전역을 하고 세상과 타협하며 아주 번듯한 직장에 들어갔을 때 저는 잠시나마 제가 이 나라 '주류집단'에 속했다는 안도감을 가졌던 듯 합니다. 대한민국에서 힘깨나 쓴다는 사람들과 자주 만나서 밥을 먹고 술을 마셨으며 여러가지 이야기를 나눴습니다. 가끔씩은 '아 저건 아닌데..'라는 생각이 드는 경우도 많았고, 그런 양반들도 많았지만 역시나 참아야죠. 모나게 살면 안되잖아요. 전 운 좋게 주류사회에 편입했지만, 기득권은 없거든요. 어차피 소작농이라 밭떼기 부쳐먹고 살아야하는 사람이란 말이죠. 그러나 성격은 어디 안가더이다. 역시나 온갖 직업과 직장을 둘러싼 내외부의 불합리함을 참지 못했고 이직을 결심했습니다. 그런데 말씀드렸듯 저는 비겁하거든요. 용기가 부족합니다. 그래서 그냥 업계 내 또 다른 메이저 회사로 자리를 옮겼습니다. 그 대신 이번에는 그 집단 내에서 '마이너리티'에 속한 곳으로 찾아갔습니다. 마이너리티가 되고 싶어서가 아니라, 거기 가면 대학원을 다닐 수 있기 때문이었죠. 그리고 예전에 그 주류집단 내에서 느낀 환멸도 30% 정도는 작용했던 듯 합니다. 지금도 손 들고 그쪽으로 옮겨갈 수는 있는데, 그럴 생각은 1 그램도 없습니다. 물론 이곳도 불합리한 것들이 많기에 자주 들이받고 투덜거리면서 그러고 삽니다. 참 성격 이상하죠. 2. 삐딱한 삶, 그러나 사실은 세상이 내게 원한 것. 대한민국에서 '합리성'을 찾는 건 결코 쉬운일이 아닙니다. 합리성에 기반해 성장하고 발전해 온 사회는 아니기 때문이죠. 여기에서 합리성이란 하버마스식의 '소통합리성'을 얘기하는 겁니다만. 어쨌든 그렇습니다. 조직 내부에서 문제제기를 많이 하는 입장이었고 흔히 말하는 불합리한 사람과 조직에 대한 '뒷담화'를 많이 하는 편입니다. 역시나 저는 매우 비겁하기 때문에, 적절한 선에서 룰을 지키고 타협하기도 하며 때론 불합리함을 수긍하고 조직에 헌신하기도 합니다. 그래서 저는 '불만은 드럽게 많고 무지하게 투덜대는 데 일은 잘 하는 놈' 정도로 인식됩니다. 저는 그게 저항이라고 생각했던 모양입니다. 아니 어쩌면 #1, #2 사례에 등장하는 친구/선배들에 대한 부채의식을 그렇게 떨쳐내려고 했던 듯 합니다. 결혼도 했지만 굳이 애를 낳고 싶지 않았던 것은 더 비겁해질 것 같다는 생각도 작용했던 듯 합니다. 물론 이 나라에서 잘 키울 자신도 없었고요. #1의 친구가 떠나고 #2의 선배 얘기를 들었을 때, 저를 돌아봤다고 했는데요...네. 그랬습니다. 저는 적당하게 모나 있었고 적당하게 타협해서 움푹 들어간 곳도 있더라고요. 저는 제가 삐딱하게 살았다고 생각했는데, 돌아보니까 정말 적당히 들고 나간 모양의 완벽한 톱니바퀴가 돼 있었습니다. 조직은 저 같은 사람도 필요로하는 것이었고, 저의 이런 모든 성격과 업무처리 방식은 나름 조직을 돌리는 톱니바퀴 중 하나였다는 겁니다. 그때 느낀건, 주류집단 내 비주류로 산다는 건 사실 큰 의미가 없는 행위구나 라는 생각이었습니다. 3. 그럼에도 불구하고 언제나 그렇듯, 자기합리화를 하고 스스로 힘을 내어 봅니다. 용기와 지혜가 부족하기에 뭔가 변화를 만들어낼 순 없을 거 같습니다. 다만 좀 탈출해야겠다는 생각을 늘 합니다. 저 라는 톱니바퀴의 움푹 들어간 부분을 채우기 위해, 진짜 원이 돼 스스로 굴러 갈 수 있도록 만들기 위해 학위를 준비하고 다른 삶을 꿈꿉니다.(그 구체적인 계획을 여기에 다 옮기는 건 부적절할 것 같습니다. 또 계획대로 되지만은 않는 게 삶이라는 걸 알기에) 부채의식은 해결할 순 없을 겁니다. 다만 부채의식을 평생 가져가는 걸로, 그걸 감수하고 사는 게 유일한 해법이라는 생각이 들 뿐입니다. 다 채워진 원이 되는 그날까지 한 번 뛰어보렵니다. P.S. 제가 수요일까지 제출해야되는 과제를 하기 싫어서 이러고 있는 건....맞습니다. ㅠㅠ P.S.2. 와이파이님의 절친 중 한명의 부친이 돌아가셔서 와이파이님이 현재 급하게 지방으로 내려가고 계십니다. 누군가의 죽음 소식이 들리면 저는 가장 최근에 잃은, 존경했던 그 친구가 떠오르기에 잠시 센치해져서 이글을 쓴 것도 맞습니다. 그러니 이제 열심히 과제를 해야겠습니다.(응?) * 난커피가더좋아님에 의해서 자유 게시판으로부터 게시물 복사되었습니다 (2015-11-06 10:45) * 관리사유 : 추천게시판으로 복사합니다. Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 133 Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 146 Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 161 11 이 게시판에 등록된 난커피가더좋아님의 최근 게시물 |
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Warning: Use of undefined constant use_comment - assumed 'use_comment' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 540
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 542
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 543
Warning: Use of undefined constant memo - assumed 'memo' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 545
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 576
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 577
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 577
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 577
Warning: Use of undefined constant grant_delete - assumed 'grant_delete' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 577
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 425
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 429
Warning: Use of undefined constant use_formmail - assumed 'use_formmail' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 605
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 599
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 599
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 600
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 600
Warning: Use of undefined constant is_admin - assumed 'is_admin' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 605
Warning: Use of undefined constant is_admin - assumed 'is_admin' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 605
Warning: Use of undefined constant is_admin - assumed 'is_admin' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 609
Warning: Use of undefined constant is_admin - assumed 'is_admin' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 609
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 614
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 616
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 618
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 618
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 612
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 612
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 620
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 628
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 628
Warning: Use of undefined constant HTTP_HOST - assumed 'HTTP_HOST' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 640
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 644
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 646
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 646
Warning: Use of undefined constant HTTP_HOST - assumed 'HTTP_HOST' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/cmt_replace.php on line 3
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 6
Warning: Use of undefined constant file_name - assumed 'file_name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 28
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 65
2019 class="iamcmt" style="display:none;"> Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 66
2019 class='vcm '>
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 70
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 71
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 76
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 117
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 118
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 119
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 120
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 121
2019'> 헤칼트
Warning: Use of undefined constant mod_date - assumed 'mod_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 133
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 140
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 140
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 142
15/10/25 13:48
2019>삭제 주소복사
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 150
저는 그런 게 궁금해요. 비주류의 권리는 어차피 주류가 오케이 사인을 보내야지만 쟁취할 수 있는 것이잖아요. 아니면 자신들이 주류가 되든지요. 저는 그런 점에서 주류가 되는 게 참 중요하다고 생각하거든요. 비주류가 되더라도 주류 마인드를 가지지는 생각도 해봤고요. 그래야 주류한테 먹히니까.
정리하자면, 비주류가 되어서 비주류를 위하는 것보다 주류가 되어서 비주류를 위하는 게 훨씬 효율적이지 않나요?
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 158
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 166
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 171
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
정리하자면, 비주류가 되어서 비주류를 위하는 것보다 주류가 되어서 비주류를 위하는 게 훨씬 효율적이지 않나요?
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 158
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 166
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 171
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
2019>
2019>
