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홍차넷
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추천
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- 회원들이 추천해주신 좋은 글들을 따로 모아놓는 공간입니다.
- 추천글은 매주 자문단의 투표로 선정됩니다.
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전체기타일상/생각꿀팁/강좌게임문학영화의료/건강문화/예술경제체육/스포츠과학철학/종교정치/사회요리/음식역사여행IT/컴퓨터음악창작사진
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| Date |
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 53 20/04/09 14:37:57 Warning: Use of undefined constant mod_date - assumed 'mod_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 56 수정됨 |
| Name | LemonTree |
| Subject | 기대 속에 태어나 기대 속에 살다가 기대 속에 가다 |
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그녀는 손이 귀한 집의 외동으로 태어났다. 오랜동안 기다려 왔던 대를 이을 아들의 기대 속에 그녀는 태어났지만, 그녀는 그 기대에 부응하지 못했고 게다가 그녀는 동생을 보지도 못했다. 아들에 대한 기대감이 있었음을 그녀는 어렸을 때부터 알았고, 그래서 여성으로서가 아니라 반 남자로서, 남자와 경쟁하여 이기면 어느 정도 그 기대에 부응하지 않을까 하는 마음에 선머슴처럼 그리고 남자들을 꺾어 이겨야 할 존재로 스스로를 규정하였다. 남자들은 경쟁자와 동반자의 구별이 뚜렷한 경향이 있다. 물론 만화에는 선의의 경쟁 속에 꽃피는 우정 같은 것도 나오지만, 남녀 사이에서 그런 것은 만화보다도 드문 것이다. 그래서 그녀는 대학을 다닐 때에도 애초에 연애의 기대는 하지 않고 있었다. 이런 상황에 그의 등장은 놀라운 것이었다. 그는 그녀에게 먼저 다가왔고, 그리고 다른 이들과 달리 그녀를 여성으로 인식하였으며, 그리고 이루어갈 그들의 미래에 대한 청사진은 스티브 잡스의 현실왜곡장만큼이나 강렬한 것이었다. 그녀는 그와의 사랑의 꿈 속에서 한동안 행복한 때를 지냈다. 그러한 그녀의 기대는 한낱 한여름밤의 꿈에 지나지 않는다는 것이 그 후에 드러났으나 어쨌든 그와 그녀는 결혼하게 되었다. 그런데 우연찮게도 그의 집안도 손이 귀한 집이고 나름 유서가 있는 가문이라고 믿고 있었다. 그래서 그의 집안은 시대착오적으로 대를 이을 아들을 기대하였다. 아이를 가졌다고 할 때 그들의 눈에 띄는 기대감은 집안 전체에 화색이 돌게 할 정도였다. 그러나 아이에 기대하던 그것이 없자 기대감은 날카롭고 차가운 것에 베인 것처럼 실망감으로 전락했다. 감별하고 낙태를 요구할만큼 몰상식한 집안은 아니었으나, 딸을 셋까지 낳고 나니 눈에 띄는 실망감이 느껴졌다. 아이를 더 가질 수 없는 형편에서 그와 그녀는 그의 집안의 기대를 만족시키지 못했다. 그녀의 세 딸들은 아예 기대를 안 할 만큼이면 더 좋았을 지 모르지만, 무엇인가 무엇인가 이룰 듯 말 듯한 경계선에 서 있어서 그녀는 못내 아쉬었던 그녀의 인생을 대신할 지도 모른다는 기대감을 버릴 수 없었다. 아쉽게도 그 기대가 현실이 되는 일은 없었다. 그렇지만 그녀는 기대감에 잠겨 있을 때만큼은 세상을 가진 듯이 마음이 가볍고 좋았다. 그러한 기대는 자식들에 대한 것만은 아니었다. 그녀가 지지하는 정치인은 그녀의 기대를 한껏 지고 있었고 그녀는 그 정치인의 두세 번의 실패에도 불구하고 지지를 멈추지 않았다. 그 정치인은 대륙들을 통합하는 중심 역할로서의 대한민국을 강조하였고 허무맹랑하게만 들리지는 않는 구체적인 기대치는 좀더 나아질 내일의 삶을 가능케 할 것 같았다. 그러나 그 정치인은 개인 비리와 자신의 사무실에 있는 여성에게 부도덕한 손을 내민 일, 그리고 재단 직원들에게 어떻게 하였는지가 드러나면서 순식간에 몰락하고 말았다. 그렇지만 그녀에게 그 정치인의 추한 뒷모습보다는 그가 주었던 꿈, 아니 어쩌면 그 꿈을 붙들고 있을 때의 그녀의 마음만큼은 잊을 수 없는 것이었다. 시간이 겹이어 쌓여가고 눈이 얼고 녹기를 여러 번, 어쩌면 수십 번을 반복했다. 그녀는 더 이상 자유롭게 움직일 수 없어 이불 속에서 눈을 뜨고 수백번 바라보았던 그 천장을 다시 보았다. 그렇지만 그녀가 보고 있는 것은 천장의 벽지 무늬가 아니라 그녀의 찬란했던 예전의 시간이었다. 이루어진 것이 없었지만 그녀의 마음에 떠올리는 것은 꿈을, 기대를 붙들고 있을 때의 그녀의 벅찬 마음이었다. 그녀는 예전의 그 시간들을 한동안 짚어 보고 나서야 다시 천장의 무늬를 알아볼 수 있었다. 지금은 더 이상 기대를 붙잡을 것이 없다. 예전의 추억속의 기대는 이미 유통기한이 한참 지난 것들이었다. 그때 그녀의 손녀딸이 그녀가 누워 있는 방에 들어왔다. 손녀는 그녀의 손을 꼭 쥐고 기도했다. 그리고 그녀에게 이런 저런 자질구레한 이야기를 들려주는 것이었다. 가끔 찾아오던 그 손녀는 마침내 나중에 그녀를 일으킬 수 있는 연구를 하겠노라고 선언하였다. 손녀의 그 꿈은 그녀에게도 잠들었던 기대를 손짓했다. 실상 그 기대는 그녀가 진정 다시 일어나는 것이라기보다는 손녀의 그녀에 대한 사랑과 앞으로 얼마간이라도 손녀와 기쁜 관계를 유지하고 싶은 그런 기대였다. 그러나 그 손녀는 자신이 한 선언을 현실로 하기 위하여 먼 곳으로 유학을 떠나고 말았다. 그녀는 손녀와 만나는 꿈을 꾸었다가 깨었다가 하면서 육신을 사로잡는 고통을 잊으려 하였다. 여름방학이 되면 다시 만날 수 있겠지라는 기대와 희망이 그녀의 가느다란 생명줄을 이어주었다. 그러나 그 기대가 멈출 수 있는 그녀의 증세에 한계가 있었다. 시간이 점점 촉박해져갔다. 그리고 그녀의 의식도 잃는 일이 잦아졌다. 마침내 그녀는 손녀를 만날 수 있었다. 손녀는 더없이 기쁜 표정으로 그녀에게 다가왔고, 그녀 또한 화사하게 화장한 얼굴로 손녀를 맞았다. 손녀가 아직 연구를 마칠 리는 없었지만 그녀는 너무 기뻐 벌떡 일어나 손녀에게 다가갔다. 그리고 그녀는 그것이 꿈이라는 것을 알았다. 마지막 행복한 꿈이었다. 그녀는 어디선가 울음 소리를 들은 것 같았다. 심전도가 멈춘 그녀의 옆에 손녀가 손을 붙잡고 울고 있었다. 어쩌면 그녀가 실제로 손녀를 본 것보다 꿈에서 본 것이어서 그녀가 더 행복하게 눈을 감을 수 있었다는 것을 손녀는 알지 못했다. 그녀에게 있어서 기대는 언제나 현실보다 행복한 것이었으므로.. <div class="adminMsg">* Cascade님에 의해서 티타임 게시판으로부터 게시물 복사되었습니다 (2020-04-21 10:24) * 관리사유 : 추천게시판으로 복사합니다.</div> Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 133 Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 146 Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 161 15 이 게시판에 등록된 LemonTree님의 최근 게시물 |
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Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 620
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 628
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 628
Warning: Use of undefined constant HTTP_HOST - assumed 'HTTP_HOST' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 640
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 644
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 646
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 646
Warning: Use of undefined constant HTTP_HOST - assumed 'HTTP_HOST' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/cmt_replace.php on line 3
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 6
Warning: Use of undefined constant file_name - assumed 'file_name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 28
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 65
20100 class="iamcmt" style="display:none;"> Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 66
20100 class='vcm '>
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 70
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 71
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 76
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 117
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 118
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 119
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 120
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 121
20100'> ebling mis
Warning: Use of undefined constant mod_date - assumed 'mod_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 133
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 140
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 140
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 142
20/04/09 16:46
20100>삭제 주소복사
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 150
어떻게 이렇게 사람을 깊이 보는 느낌을 주는 글을 쓸 수 있나요? 강을 타고 흐르는 나뭇잎 하나의 여정을 쭉 지켜보는 느낌입니다. 부럽습니다.
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 158
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 166
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 171
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 158
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 166
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 171
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
20100>
20100>
