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홍차넷
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Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/outlogin_toby.php on line 45
Warning: Use of undefined constant r - assumed 'r' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/outlogin_toby.php on line 47
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Warning: Use of undefined constant memo - assumed 'memo' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 237
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/outlogin_toby.php on line 34
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Warning: Use of undefined constant r - assumed 'r' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/outlogin_toby.php on line 47
Warning: Use of undefined constant r - assumed 'r' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/outlogin_toby.php on line 51
Warning: Use of undefined constant memo - assumed 'memo' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 237
Warning: Use of undefined constant is_admin - assumed 'is_admin' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/zero_header.php on line 269
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/zero_header.php on line 300
Warning: Use of undefined constant title - assumed 'title' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/bbs_title.php on line 16
추천
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/bbs_title.php on line 21
Warning: Use of undefined constant header - assumed 'header' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/bbs_title.php on line 31
- 회원들이 추천해주신 좋은 글들을 따로 모아놓는 공간입니다.
- 추천글은 매주 자문단의 투표로 선정됩니다.
Warning: Use of undefined constant use_formmail - assumed 'use_formmail' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 519
Warning: Use of undefined constant use_category - assumed 'use_category' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/include/print_category.php on line 9
전체기타일상/생각꿀팁/강좌게임문학영화의료/건강문화/예술경제체육/스포츠과학철학/종교정치/사회요리/음식역사여행IT/컴퓨터음악창작사진
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/setup.php on line 29
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Warning: Use of undefined constant memo - assumed 'memo' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 389
Warning: Use of undefined constant memo - assumed 'memo' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 389
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Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 403
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 405
Warning: Use of undefined constant total_comment - assumed 'total_comment' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 406
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Warning: Use of undefined constant total_comment - assumed 'total_comment' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 406
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 2
Warning: Use of undefined constant HTTP_HOST - assumed 'HTTP_HOST' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/memo_replace.php on line 3
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 10
Warning: Use of undefined constant use_category - assumed 'use_category' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 40
| Date |
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 53 18/05/30 01:08:59 Warning: Use of undefined constant mod_date - assumed 'mod_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 56 |
| Name | 새벽유성 |
| Subject | 나의 사춘기에게 |
|
https://youtu.be/RaMAoj1UfyE - 나는 내면의 사춘기를 심하게 겪어왔다. 겉으로 드러내고 싶지 않아 안으로 밀어넣은 질풍노도 시기의 불안함과 사나움이 나를 병들게 했다. 그 시절의 나는 언제나 일기장의 날씨칸에 흐림으로만 썼다. 맑음이나 비옴 이런 단어들 따위는 존재하지 않았다. 열넷. 그 시절의 나는 언제나 죽고 싶다는 생각만 가득했다. 매일매일이 우울한 날들이었다. 이유는 다양하지만 뭐라 콕 집어 내기 애매한 정도. 복잡한 여러가지 것들이 섞였다. 어른이 되는게, 내일이 오는게 무서워졌다. 그저 죽고 싶었고 무기력했다. 살아가는 의미도 몰랐다. 금방이라도 숨 막혀 죽어버릴 것 같았다. 진공 속의 상자에서 몇 백년이고 몇 천년이고 갇혀 움직이지도 못하는 기분이었다. 죽지도 못하고 질식해 가는 삶 같았다. 물 밖 세상을 만난 물고기가 살고 싶어 제 몸의 생명을 깎아가며 펄떡이다 죽듯이 나는 그렇게 서서히 말라갔다. 벚꽃이 진 늦은 봄, 여름, 초가을을 그런 기분으로 살아왔다. 차라리 교복 넥타이로 목 매달고 정말로 질식해 죽고 싶을 정도로. 우울증은 나를 무겁게 눌렀다. 그럼에도 나는 꾸역꾸역 살아갔다. 뒷날 그 시절 사춘기를 어떤 방식으로든 밖으로 토해냈으면 조금이나마 나았을지도 모른다고 생각해본다. 그러나 그 시절의 나는 스트레스를 받아도 풀어낼 줄 모르고 쌓아놓기만 하는 미련한 사람이었다. 거기다 주변에 좋은 사람들이 많이 있었는데도 누구도 믿지 못했다. 말을 했다면 조금 달라졌을까. 나는 내가 싫었다. 미웠다. 뭐 하나 제대로 잘하는 거 없고 완벽하지도 않았다. 나 자신이 완벽하지 않아도 괜찮다는걸, 그리고 완벽하지 않은 나를 사랑해주는 사람들이 많았다는걸 깨닫는데 꽤 오랜 시간이 걸렸다. 여름이 막 지나간 계절에 나는 중학교 5층의 어느 교실 창문 앞까지 갔었다. 처음으로 방과후 수업을 째고 3학년 10반 학생이라고 거짓말 쳐서 열쇠 받아가 문을 따는 탈선을 하면서도. 그러나 나는 용기가 너무나 부족한 겁쟁이라서 결국 창문을 넘어가지 못하고 돌아왔다. 눈 딱 감으면 되는거라고 끊임없이 세뇌했음에도 결국 무너졌다. 창문 넘어가면 되는데도 그러지 못했다. 이유는 모른다. 그저 죽을 것만 같았던 기분 속에서 살고 싶다는 희미한 의지가 남아있었던 것 같았다. 마치 온갖 불행이 가득한 판도라의 항아리에 숨어있던 ‘희망’처럼. 결국 다시 돌아온 그 때 바라본 복도의 모습이 아직도 눈에 선했다. 방과후 종이 길게 울리던 순간. 청소가 끝난 흔적 위로 오렌지색 노을이 내려앉은 복도. 멀리서 희미하게 들려오는 운동장을 누비는 소년들의 변성기 온 목소리를. 내가 사랑한 고요함이 가득찼던 그 어느 저녁에 가까운 오후의 복도 풍경이. 똑딱똑딱 시간이 흐르는 시계 바늘 소리마저 들리지 않았다. 복도 창문 너머로 나를 내리쬐던 초가을의 햇살이 너무나 예뻤던 걸로 기억한다. 삶과 죽음 사이를 맴돌다가 결국 삶을 선택하고 돌아온 용기도 없는 겁쟁이인 나를 위로하는 것 같았다. 그대로 죽어버렸으면 눈에 담지 못했을 따뜻한 풍경이었다. 살아서 제대로 바라본 첫 풍경이었다. 나는 그 때 가슴 속에서 무언가가 터진 기분이 들었다. 펑. 펑펑. 퍼퍼펑. 빅뱅이 일어난 느낌이라면 이런 느낌일까. 그 자리에 주저 앉아 엉엉 울었다. 원 없이 울었다. 더 이상 괴롭게 지내고 싶지 않아서. 되는게 없어서. 더 살고 싶어서. 지나가는 사람 한 명도 없는 고요한 5층 복도에서 그렇게 울었다. 이 년뒤의 내가 밟게 될 복도에는 내 눈물로 젖어갔다. 나를 숨막히게 하던 답답한 무언가가 사라졌다. 가위에 눌린 듯한 몸이 가벼워졌다. 내 열네 살은 분명 아름다운 시절이었다. 모두가 인정하며 고개 끄덕였다. 그럼에도 나는 언제나 아무도 모르는 그림자 속에서 아파했다. 이유도 모르고 덮쳐온 불치병처럼, 열네 살의 나는 사춘기의 열병을 심하게 앓았다. 독감을 심하게 앓고난 후 다시 몸이 개운해지듯이 사춘기의 열병이 지나간 자리에는 삶의 의지만이 남아있었다. 그렇게 계절이 돌아 열네살에서 열다섯으로 넘어가는 그 해 겨울에 나는 비로소 울고 웃을 수 있었다. * 사는게 너무 좋아. 어제보다 오늘이 더 좋아. 내일은 오늘보다 더 사랑하게 될거야. 분명. - 탐라에 모 님 글 보고 생각이 나서 써봐요. 아직 20년밖에 안된, 그리 길지 않는 삶이지만 그래도 제일 힘들었던 순간을 기록해보고 싶었어요. * 수박이두통에게보린님에 의해서 티타임 게시판으로부터 게시물 복사되었습니다 (2018-06-11 07:47) * 관리사유 : 추천게시판으로 복사합니다. Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 133 Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 146 Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 161 25
이 게시판에 등록된 새벽유성님의 최근 게시물 |
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Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 644
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 646
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 646
Warning: Use of undefined constant HTTP_HOST - assumed 'HTTP_HOST' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/cmt_replace.php on line 3
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 6
Warning: Use of undefined constant file_name - assumed 'file_name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 28
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 65
14552 class="iamcmt" style="display:none;"> Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 66
14552 class='vcm '>
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 70
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 71
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 76
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 117
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 118
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 119
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 120
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 121
14552'> dss180
Warning: Use of undefined constant mod_date - assumed 'mod_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 133
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 140
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 140
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 142
18/05/30 01:14
14552>삭제 주소복사
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 150
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MYSk2r9YqeU
반짝 반짝 작은 별
아름답게 비치네
서쪽 하늘에서도
동쪽 하늘에서도
반짝 반짝 작은 별
아름답게 비치네
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 158
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 166
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 171
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
반짝 반짝 작은 별
아름답게 비치네
서쪽 하늘에서도
동쪽 하늘에서도
반짝 반짝 작은 별
아름답게 비치네
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 158
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 166
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 171
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
14552>
14552>
