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홍차넷
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추천
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- 회원들이 추천해주신 좋은 글들을 따로 모아놓는 공간입니다.
- 추천글은 매주 자문단의 투표로 선정됩니다.
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전체기타일상/생각꿀팁/강좌게임문학영화의료/건강문화/예술경제체육/스포츠과학철학/종교정치/사회요리/음식역사여행IT/컴퓨터음악창작사진
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| Date |
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 53 17/12/28 10:12:27 Warning: Use of undefined constant mod_date - assumed 'mod_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 56 수정됨 |
| Name | SCV |
| Subject | 할머니가 돌아가셨다. |
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사실, 이 글은 할머니가 돌아가시기 전 부터 이리저리 쓰고 있던 글이었는데 제 게으름 때문에 몇 달동안 남은 글쓰기를 이리저리 미루는 동안 할머니께서 돌아가셨고, 돌아가신 후에도 미쳐 마무리짓지 못해 올해가 가기 전 오늘에서야 비로소 겨우 맺어서 올려봅니다. ---- 할머니가 돌아가셨다. 일본의 지배가 20년이 넘어가는 해에 태어난 나의 할머니는, 우리 말을 배울 수 없었던 시대를 지나며 옆집 오빠의 연서에 반해 결혼하고 한국전쟁이 일어나기 직전에 첫째 딸을, 한참 전쟁 중이던 때에 둘째 아들을 낳았다. 첫째 딸은 세 살 무렵 병으로 사망하고, 남편마저도 채 주민등록번호를 받기도 전에 떠나보내고 남은 아들 하나를 홀로 부여잡고 살아왔다. 안해본 일 없이 억척같이 살다가, 장가간 아들이 그의 아들과 딸을 낳고 자리를 잡아갈 무렵, 그녀에게 암이 닥쳐왔으나 결국 불굴의 의지로 이겨내고 병상에서 내려와 죽기 전에 할 일이 있다며 독학으로 한글을 떼고 글을 쓰기 시작했다. 그러나 그런 그녀도 세월의 힘은 이길 수 없어 하루하루 노쇠해 가던 때에 알츠하이머가 찾아오고, 다행히 기억과 생각은 온전했으나 운동 신경이 서서히 죽어가는 고통을 견뎌내야만 했다. 그래도 극진히 보살피는 아들 덕에 별 탈 없이 손자 손녀가 장성하여 증손자녀를 볼 때까지 버텨왔으나, 끝내 올 여름 뇌경색으로 쓰러져 말도 의식도 잃고 만다. 돌아가실 때 돌아가시더라도 정신은 끝까지 온전했으면 한다는 아들의 바람이 무색하게, 결국 그녀는 한마디 말도 남기지 못하고 긴 어둠 속으로 빠져들었고 하루 하루 꺼져가는 목숨을 붙잡고 버텨오다 그렇게 기다리던, 아끼는 손부의 문병을 마지막으로 숨을 거두었다. 마지막까지도 가늘게 뛰던 심장을 부여잡고 버티려 했으나, 이제 그만 편히 쉬시라는 아들의 귓속말에 그만 편해지셨다. 추석 며칠 전의 일이었다. 명절 직전에 갑자기 들이닥친 집안 큰 어른의 죽음은 온 가족을 당황케 했다. 오래 전 부터 준비해왔던 아들조차도 허둥지둥했고 즐겁게 명절을 보내러 왔던 손자녀 역시 아무런 준비 없이 맞이한 이별 앞에서 정신을 차리기 힘들었다. 입관식에서 본 그녀는 너무 작았다. 살아 있을 때도 자그마했지만, 죽은 뒤에는 더 작았다. 몇 겹으로 덮고 싸매어 관에 눕혔을 때, 발 밑으로 공간이 한참이나 남아 장례지도사는 연신 땀을 흘리며 종이 뭉치를 채워 넣었다. 추석 당일 아침에는 발인을 해준다는 사람이 없어 억지로 하루를 더 보태 4일장을 치루고 그녀는 한 줌 가루로 화해 40여년 전 죽은 남편과 땅 속에서 다시 만나게 되었다. 같이 산 날 보다 혼자 살아간 날이 훨씬 많아 둘의 만남이 좀 어색하긴 했겠지만, 결국 한 묫자리를 쓰고 한데서 자손들에게 인사를 받게 되었다. 장례를 지내는 내내 할머니에 대해서 생각했다. 할머니는 여동생보다 나를 더욱 예뻐했다. 대가 거의 끊기다시피 할 정도로 위험했던 집안의 장손이라 그랬을지 아니면 내가 할머니 안마를 시원하게 잘 해서 그랬을지 아님 단순히 첫 손자여서 그랬을지는 모르겠다. 하지만 그렇게 사랑받았던 나는 눈물 한 방울도 흘리지 않았고 그렇게 싸우기만 했던 내 여동생은 내내 우느라 정신이 없었다. 나는 사람들에게 할머니가 그렇게 사랑하던 손자인 내가 울면 할머니가 이승에 대한 집착이 강해져 성불할 수 없을거 같아서 라는 변명을 했지만 사실 나는 그다지 눈물이 나지 않았다. 사람이 태어나고 또 죽음은 자연스러운 일이고, 그녀의 죽음은 요절도 사고사도 아니었으며 몇달 전 부터 그녀를 떠나보낼 마음의 준비를 하고 있었으므로. 49재에 쓸 영상을 만들면서 그녀의 삶을 다시 되짚어봤다. 이렇게 한 시대가 가고, 한 삶이 저무는구나. 어찌되었든 같은 시대의 흐름 위에 있던 그녀와 나 중에서, 이제 그녀는 죽음이라는 정류장에 내리고, 나는 아직 타고 흘러가고 있구나. 하는 생각이 다시금 들었다. 정 많은 아버지와 49재에 참여한 지인들 - 주로 동영상의 사진 속에 같이 있었던 - 은 해금 연주곡만 몽땅 깔아놓은 이 동영상을 보시면서 펑펑 우셨다. 사진속의 할머니는 작지만 당차셨다. 일제시대에서 현재에 이르기 까지, 단신으로 시대의 흐름속에서 버티며 살아오신 그 순간 순간에 사진으로 남은 즐겁고 행복한 순간들이, 그녀가 나에게 남긴 마지막 모습이지 싶다. 격동의 세월을 견뎌낸 그 당찬 몸의 주인은, 이제 더 이상 내 할머니는 세상에 없다. 이제 더 이상.. 부디 내세가 있다면, 내세에서는 그녀가 그렇게 소원하는 길고 긴 배움의 길을 걸어 교수가 되길 희망한다. In loving memory, 서순금. 1931-2017. * 수박이두통에게보린님에 의해서 티타임 게시판으로부터 게시물 복사되었습니다 (2018-01-08 08:10) * 관리사유 : 추천 게시판으로 복사합니다. Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 133 Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 146 Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 161 27
이 게시판에 등록된 SCV님의 최근 게시물
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Warning: Use of undefined constant is_admin - assumed 'is_admin' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 605
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Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 614
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Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 618
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 618
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Warning: Use of undefined constant HTTP_HOST - assumed 'HTTP_HOST' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/cmt_replace.php on line 3
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 6
Warning: Use of undefined constant file_name - assumed 'file_name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 28
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13064 class="iamcmt" style="display:none;"> Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 66
13064 class='vcm '>
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 70
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Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 76
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13064'> SCV
Warning: Use of undefined constant mod_date - assumed 'mod_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 133
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 140
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 140
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17/12/28 10:19
13064>삭제 주소복사
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 150
이 글을 올리고 나서야 비로소 눈물이 나네요.
허허.
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 158
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 166
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 171
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
1
허허.
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Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 171
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
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Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
1
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