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홍차넷
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추천
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- 회원들이 추천해주신 좋은 글들을 따로 모아놓는 공간입니다.
- 추천글은 매주 자문단의 투표로 선정됩니다.
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전체기타일상/생각꿀팁/강좌게임문학영화의료/건강문화/예술경제체육/스포츠과학철학/종교정치/사회요리/음식역사여행IT/컴퓨터음악창작사진
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| Date |
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| Name | 그럼에도불구하고 |
| File #1 | KakaoTalk_20170317_164301328.jpg (203.2 KB), Download : 16 |
| Subject | 누군가의 운구를 함께 한다는 것 |
 친한 누나가 있었다. 대학졸업 이후 얼마 남지 않은 인맥 중 그나마 여자선배로는 딱 한명. 반 년, 혹은 1년에 한 두번 만나는 사이었고, 그 누나 또한 성격이 나와 비슷해 흔한 친절한 선배처럼 후배들에게 친절하게 대해주거나 밥을 사주거나 사적으로 연락을 하며 지내는 등의 그러한..선배노릇을 잘 못해 아마 남은 동생인 나 뿐이었을 것이다. 가끔 만나면 서로 누구의 인맥이 더 좁은지 대결을 하곤 했다. 작년에 임용고시 잘보라고 응원의 문자를 남겼지만 세 달, 아니 네 달 가까이 아무런 답장도 오지 않았다. 그리고 올해 봄이 오기 전 답장이 왔다. [임용고시는 보지 못했고 어머니가 위중한 병에 걸려서 2016년을 홀딱 간호만 하다가 보냈다. 임용고시를 못 보는데 시험잘보라는 문자가 와서 답장을 해야할지 말아야할지 고민하다가 답장을 하지 않았다.] 신촌 세브란스에 있다고 했다. 어머니는 위암 말기라고 하셨다. 작년 초쯤 시한부 선고를 받으셨지만 아직까지 잘 버티고 계신다고 하였다. 하지만 아무것도 드시지 못하시고 항암치료만 계속 되는 와중 어머니가 자신에게 너무 집착하는 것 같아 조금은 스트레스 받는다고 하였다. 그럴수도 있다고 나는 대답했다. 10년 넘게 키우던 강아지를 작년에 보내고, 어머니마저 기약없이 간호해야 하는 누나의 슬픔과 스트레스, 가장 예쁘고 밝게 사회생활 할 나이에 병실에서 타인의 고통과 어머니의 고통을 함께 마주하며 보내야 했던 시간들에 공감했다. 하지만 둘다 성격대로 되지도않는 농담이나 하며 서로 까기 바빴다. 고양이 카페를 갔고, 저녁에 양꼬치와 꿔바로우를 먹으며, 칭타오 7병을 내리 마시며 그간의 이야기를 나누었다. 전혀 집안과 상관없는 이야기를 할 때 누나의 눈가가 뜬금없이 촉촉해지는 것을 나는 못본 척했다. 억울 할 때만 눈물을 흘리는 누나였다. 대학생활 동안 나와 대판 싸울 때 억울해서 눈물 흘리는 모습외에는 우는 것을 본 적이없다. 그리고 한 달 정도 후 다시 만났다. 아직도 집착하는 어머니 때문에 칭얼거리긴 했지만 매우 담담히 장례치르는 문제, 유산 문제에 대해 이야기 했다. 나도 담담히 들었다. 3월 이른 아침 카톡이 왔다. 부고를 알리는 연락이었다. 예상대로 문자내용은 담담했고 어찌보면 활기차보이기도 했다. 친척간 왕래가 많지 않다는 것도 알고 있었고, 어찌보면 내가 최측근이라고, 남들도 나도 그렇게 여기고 있었기 때문에 발인까지 함께 할 생각으로 발인 전 날 장례식장에 올라갔다. 다행히도 많이 슬프지 않아보였고, 음...아주 괜찮아 보였다. 영정사진속 누나의 어머니는 누나와 아주아주 많이 닮으셨었다. 내 또래가 그런건지 내가 그런건지, 다행히 장례식장 경험이 많지 않았다. 친할머니와 외할아버지의 장례식장이 끝이었고, 거기서 나는 그냥 시키는 대로 할 뿐이었다. 긴장한 나머지 절을 한 번만 하는 실수를 저질렀지만 멋쩍은 미소로 무마할 수 있는 분위기였다. 밤이 깊어가고 다음 날 까지 함께할 사람은 누나의 절친한 여동기, 또 다른 남자선배 그리고 나, 남자친척이 거의 없어 남자선배와 내가 운구를 함께 하게 되었다. 잠이 오지 않아 새벽4시쯤 기대어 잠들었고, 6시쯤 일어나 발인 준비를 하였다. 4명이 관을 들었다. 평균보다 조금 사람이 적었다. 한 번도 뵙지 못했지만 누나가 5살 때쯤 남편을 여의고 수십년 간 두 딸을 바르게, 힘들게 키워놓으셨을 어머니의 삶의 무게에 비해 관이 너무나 가벼웠다. 내 마음은 무거워졌다. 화장터에 도착해 화장을 하고, 작디 작으셨다던 어머니가 더 미세한 가루가 되어 유골함에 담기는 모습을 보며 누나는 작지만 크게 엄마. 잘가 라고 소리쳤다. 그리고 그 날 처음 울었다. 나도 울었다. 타인에 아픔에 그렇게 공감해보고 슬퍼해본적은 처음이었다. 다시 버스에타 누나의 아버지가 계신 용인공원으로 갔다. 유골함을 임시로 안치시키고 아버지 묘지를 방문하고 , 다시 돌아오는 내내 누나는 별 다른 말이 없었다. 모든 것이 끝나고 헤어질 무렵 고맙다는 말만 할 뿐이었다. 그 꾸밈없는 고맙다는 말이 아마 내 인생에서 가장 진심이 담긴 고마움의 말이었음을 느꼈다. 등을 두드려주고. 집으로 오면서 많은 생각을 했다. 사실 나는 별 볼일없는 취준생에 특별히 잘하는 것도 없고, 평범, 혹은 못난 사람이다. 끈기도 없고 열정도 부족하다. 그럼에도 내가 누군가에게 별 다른 능력없이 큰 힘이 되어줄 수 있다는 사실에 감사했다. 나에게 진심으로 감사할 수 있는 사람이 있다는 사실에 감사했다. 진심으로 누나가 행복하기를 바란다. 그리고 삼가 고인의 명복을 빈다. * 수박이두통에게보린님에 의해서 티타임 게시판으로부터 게시물 복사되었습니다 (2017-03-27 08:01) * 관리사유 : Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 133 Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 146 Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 161 23
이 게시판에 등록된 그럼에도불구하고님의 최근 게시물 |
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Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 628
Warning: Use of undefined constant HTTP_HOST - assumed 'HTTP_HOST' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 640
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 644
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 646
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 646
Warning: Use of undefined constant HTTP_HOST - assumed 'HTTP_HOST' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/cmt_replace.php on line 3
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 6
Warning: Use of undefined constant file_name - assumed 'file_name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 28
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 65
8909 class="iamcmt" style="display:none;"> Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 66
8909 class='vcm '>
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 70
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 71
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 76
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 117
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 118
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 119
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 120
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 121
8909'> 쉬군
Warning: Use of undefined constant mod_date - assumed 'mod_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 133
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 140
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 140
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 142
17/03/17 17:26
8909>삭제 주소복사
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 150
운구는 이상하리만치 그 무게가 무겁죠...
고생하셨습니다..
그리고 고인의 명복을 빕니다.
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 158
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 166
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 171
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
고생하셨습니다..
그리고 고인의 명복을 빕니다.
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 158
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 166
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 171
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
8909>
8909>
