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홍차넷
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Warning: Use of undefined constant memo - assumed 'memo' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 237
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/outlogin_toby.php on line 34
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추천
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- 회원들이 추천해주신 좋은 글들을 따로 모아놓는 공간입니다.
- 추천글은 매주 자문단의 투표로 선정됩니다.
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Warning: Use of undefined constant use_category - assumed 'use_category' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/include/print_category.php on line 9
전체기타일상/생각꿀팁/강좌게임문학영화의료/건강문화/예술경제체육/스포츠과학철학/종교정치/사회요리/음식역사여행IT/컴퓨터음악창작사진
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| Date |
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 53 16/07/24 08:11:13 Warning: Use of undefined constant mod_date - assumed 'mod_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 56 |
| Name | 기아트윈스 |
| Subject | 아빠이야기 |
|
애비는 으삽니다. 예과시절에 들었던 교양 철학 수업이 제일 재밌었고 본과는....우웩! 열라 재미 없었대요. 그래서 시험은 늘 재시(=재시험) 안나올 정도로만 저공비행을 하고 나머지는 여가활동에 매진했다고 합니다. 천성이 문돌이인데 의대에 잘못 들어온 케이스였지요. 그래서 제일 문돌스러운 쪽으로 전공을 고른게 정신과였답니다. 결혼은 또 오지게 일찍해서 애도 오지게 일찍 낳았어요. 아빠 나이 스물 넷에 제가 "나왔"습니다. 그렇다면 임신은 스물 셋....결혼은....흠흠.. 그래서 저는 별나게도 아빠의 무의촌 생활 시절, 아빠의 인턴 시절, 아빠의 레지던트 시절 따위가 기억에 있어요. 심지어 아빠 대학교에 있던 탁구대도 기억이 나네요. 나이차가 별로 안나다보니 아빠는 저를 장난감으로 써먹곤 했지요. 바둑/장기/탁구/나아가 게임 상대는 기본이었고 그 외에도 툭하면 프로이트/융 썰 풀고, 특이한 임상 케이스 썰 풀고 그랬더랬지요. 재밌었어요. 책 추천도 많이 해줬구요. 아직도 기억나는데 고 이동식 선생의 현대인과 노이로제/현대인과 정신건강/현대인과 스트레스 3부작을... 고딩 때 읽었던가? 여튼 꽤 어린 나이에 읽었어요. 지금도 리디북스에서 전자책으로 파니까 관심 있으면 한 번 읽어보세요. 명저에요. 이동식 선생의 저서도 그렇고 아빠의 화법도 그렇고 제 눈에 비친 정신과 으사들은 조금 독특한 방향으로 발달된 독해력(?)이 있었어요. 무슨 말인가 하면, 이 양반들은 남이 무슨 말을 하면 절대로 곧이 곧대로 안들어요. 예컨대 이래요. 제 동생은 엄빠가 담배피는 걸 무척 싫어했어요. 집에서 피는 것도 아니고 꼭 베란다 나가서 폈음에도 불구하고 여튼 그 자체를 굉장히 싫어했어요. 못피게 말리고 울고불고 그랬었지요. 동생은 담배가 건강에 안좋다, 냄새난다, 다 떠나서 그냥 싫다 등등의 이유를 댔어요. 그런데 아빠는 그런 이유들을 싹 무시하고 재문했어요 "그런 거 말고 엄빠가 담배필 때 어떤 느낌으로 어떻게 싫은지 한 번 잘 생각해봐. 무슨 기분인지." 물론 동생은 화가나서 길길이 날뛰며 자기가 이미 말했지 않느냐고, 건강에 안좋고 냄새나고 그래서 싫다고 하지 않았냐고 하지요. 하지만 이런 대화가 수차례 오고간 후 사실 동생은 가족이 다 모여서 공동활동을 하던 중 (식사라든가) 갑작스레 엄빠가 서로 눈짓을 주고 받은 뒤 둘이서만 밖으로 휙 나가고 자신과 오빠만 식탁에 남겨지는 그 단절 경험을 싫어했던 것임이 [밝혀졌]어요. [밝혀졌]다는 건, 동생 본인도 이런 사실을 모르고 있었다는 말이에요. 그러니까, 아빠에 따르면, 사람은 본인의 의식이 포착하기도 전에 이미 경험을 통해 불쾌한 감정을 품게 되고, 의식은 이미 생성된 이 감정에 정당성을 부여하기 위해 사후에 이유를 찾아내서 만든다는 거에요. 따라서 상대방과의 갈등을 해소하기 위해서는 상대방이 사후에 만들어낸 껍데기 (이유, 논리, 주장)에 현혹되지 말고 그 이면의 원초적 경험이 무엇인지를 포착해서 의식화하는 게 훨씬 효과적이래요. 만약 엄빠가 동생의 주장을 표면 그대로 인식하고는 성인으로서 자신들의 선택의 자유를 옹호하는 변론을 했다면 (얘야 들어보렴, 사람에겐 기호품 선택의 자유가 있고 이건 그 어떤 엄혹한 독재정권하에서도 허용되었던 것으로 자유주의자인 나로서는 네 주장을 이해할 수가 없으니 그만 억지부리렴....등등) 제 동생은 필경 1) 화를 참지 못해 울고불고 난리를 치거나 2) 설득된 의식이 불쾌한 감정을 억압함으로써 원한감정 (resentment)을 만들어내어 나중에 더 커진 형태로 다른 껍데기를 뒤집어쓰고서 재림하게 되거나 했을 거에요. 한 번은 이런 경우도 있었대요. (이건 아빠가 말해준 건지 이동식 선생 책에서 본건지 확실치 않아요) 어떤 내담자가 자기 부친에게 쌓인 원한감정을 풀지 못한 게 병이 되어 의사를 찾아왔대요. 상담을 할 때마다 부친 욕을 그렇게 하는데 욕의 수준이 뭐 대단했대요. 문제는 부친이 이미 작고한 뒤라 직접 찾아가서 담판을 짓거나 할 수도 없다는 거에요. 의사는 혹시 묘소가 있냐고 물었지요. 그러자 내담자는 '으사양반 거 참 말 잘하셨소' 하는 표정으로 "내가 가서 포크레인으로 그거 다 파버려야겠소" 하더래요. 그 말을 들은 의사는 그걸 말리기는 커녕 포크레인 타고 갈 때 술 먹고 운전하지 말고 조심해서 잘 다녀오라고 했대요. ^오^ 그래서 내담자는.... 정말 포크레인을 몰고 가서... 묘소를 보자마자 울음을 펑 터뜨리고 봉분에 난 풀을 쥐어 뜯었다 끌어안았다 가슴을 쳤다 하면서 한참 통곡을 하고 돌아왔대요. 그 후로 홧기가 많이 풀렸는지 표정이 좋아졌다고 합니다. 듣다보니 어쩐지 선사 냄새가 나지 않나요? 맞아요. 아빠나 이동식 선생이나 선불교를 무척 좋아했어요. 선사들의 불립문자 (문자의 표면에 집착하지 않고) 직지인심 (똑바로 사람 마음을 찌른다) 이야말로 실은 치료적 (therapeutic) 행위요, 소위 깨달음이란 이런 치료경험을 거쳐 원숙한 정신으로 레벨업한 상태라는 거에요. 그렇다면 여기서 한 가지 의문이 생겨요. 사실 남의 속마음을 그렇게 콱 움켜쥐고 꺼내놓을 수 있는 능력이 있으면 누구나 그렇게 하면 되지 뭐하러 문자를 가지고 키배뜨는데 힘을 쓰겠어요? 누구나 그런 걸 할 수 있으면 세상이 참 평화로울 테지만 현실은 그렇지가 않지요. 그래서 어떻게 하면 남의 맘을 그렇게 "직지인심"할 수 있냐고 묻자 아빠 대답이, 잘 듣고 이해하려고 노력하면 된대요. ㅠ_ㅠ 구체적으로 어떻게 하면 되냐고 다시 묻자 폴 틸리히 (Paul Tillich) 라는 실존주의 신학자의 말을 하나 인용해줬어요. 이 신학자에 따르면 한 종교인이 다른 종교를 이해하고자 할 때는 [개종의 각오]를 하지 않고서는 불가능하대요. 내담자를 대할 땐 그런 각오로 그렇게 집중해서 들어야 한대요. 말의 표면에 흔들리지 말고, 그 말 속에 담긴 감정을 간파해야 한다는 거에요. 말은 암호에요. 우리가 다 똑같은 한국어를 쓰는 것처럼 보여도 사실 개별 사용자들은 각자 놀랍도록 유니크한 언어를 사용하고 있어요. 제가 구사하는 한국어와 제 와이프가 구사하는 한국어는 겉으로는 동일해보여도 실은 아주 유사할 뿐 결코 같지는 않아요. 유사한 만큼 의사소통이 되고, 유사하지 않은 부분만큼 소통이 안돼요. 그래서 싸움도 나고 하지요. 싸움을 막으려면 서로간에 다른 암호체계를 사용하고있음을 주지하고, 두 암호체계의 유사성을 높이는 쪽으로 지속적인 노력을 하는 한 편, 상대방의 암호를 그때그때 적절히 해독해서 암호 속에 포장된 감정을 파악하는 게 중요해요. 위의 포크레인 내담자는 자기 아버지에 대해 수도 없이 패드립을 쳤어요. 그냥 친 게 아니라 실제로 극도로 흥분한 상태로 봉분을 파버리러 출동하기까지 했구요. 출동한다고 했을 때 의사가 황급히 말렸으면 길길히 화내면서 진짜 가서 파버렸을지도 몰라요. 하지만 "갈 때 조심해서 가요"라고 하는 순간 포크레인남의 표정이 약간 흔들렸대요. 보통은 "왜 그렇게 죽은 아버지를 미워하냐. 그렇게 나쁜 사람은 아니었다. 게다가 봉분을 파면 그건 범죄다. 너 패륜아냐." 같은 반응을 내는데, 이런 반응은 이 포크레인남의 진심을 모르기 때문에 나오는 반응들이래요. 포크레인남의 진심은 아버지의 사랑에 대한 무한한 갈증이었어요. 패드립과 욕설, 원한과 증오라는 암호로 복잡하게 코딩되어있을 뿐이에요. 이 암호는 상당히 복잡해서 [개종의 각오] 수준의 역지사지가 아니면 풀기 어려워요. 하지만 일단 풀고 나면, "갈 때 조심해서 가요"라고 밖에 말할 수 없게 된대요. 그래서 의사는 그렇게 말했고, 포크레인남은 의사가 핵심을 짚었다는 걸 은연중에, 하지만 틀림없이, 느꼈기 때문에 표정이 흔들렸던 거에요. 단 한 사람, 최소한 한 사람이라도 이 암호를 풀고, 닫힌 문을 열고, 그 한 마디를 건네는 것은, 무협지 스타일로 비유하자면, "바다에서 물 한 줌 떠내는" 것 정도에 불과할지도 몰라요. 하지만 바로 그 한 줌을 떠내준 덕분에 주인공은 주화입마의 위기에서 가까스로 탈출하곤 하지요. ---------------------------------------- 최근에 메갈리아와 워마드를 좀 눈팅을 해봤어요. 평균적인 한국인의 도덕감수성을 마구 자극할만한 비범한 수위의 말들이 작렬하는 곳이에요. 당연히 맨정신으로 보고있기 힘들지요. 하지만 [개종의 각오]로 들여다보면 실은 그 욕설들이 비명소리라는 걸 알 수 있어요. 정신이 허약한 사람일수록 암호화 수준이 높아져서 상식적으로 받아들이기 어려운 방향으로 어휘를 고르고 표현을 채택한대요. 극단적 욕설이나 패드립 같은 것들도 그 일부이구요. 하지만 이런 욕설과 패드립은 실은 이상신호고, 비명이에요. 그렇게 말하지 않고는 못견딜만한 감정이, 그런 감정이 누적된 사람들이 그 뒤에 있어요. 사람들은 어지간해서는 자기 엄빠 욕하기 싫어해요. 자기 엄빠가 자랑스러운 사람이었으면 좋겠고, 그 자랑스러운 사람들이 자기를 많이 사랑해줬으면 좋겠다고 생각해요. 누군가가 자기 엄빠를 김치녀 한남충이라고 부른다면, 그건 참으로 불행한 사람들일 거에요. 전 그들 하나하나의 누적된 개인사가, 가정사가 궁금해요. 대체 인생의 궤적이 어떠했길래 이렇게까지 악을 쓰게 된 걸까요. 그들이 그런 경험을 겪게 된 데에는 어떤 사회적 맥락이, 나아가 역사적 맥락이 있었을까요. 그들과 같은 이들이 또 나오지 않게 하려면 저는, 또 우리는 무엇을 해야할까요. 아직 잘 모르겠어요. 마지막으로, 혹 그들이 여태 불행했다면, 앞으론 행복하기를 바랄 뿐이에요. * 수박이두통에게보린님에 의해서 티타임 게시판으로부터 게시물 복사되었습니다 (2016-08-08 11:36) * 관리사유 : 추천 게시판으로 복사합니다. 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Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 618
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 618
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 612
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 612
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 620
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 628
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 628
Warning: Use of undefined constant HTTP_HOST - assumed 'HTTP_HOST' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 640
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 644
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 646
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 646
Warning: Use of undefined constant HTTP_HOST - assumed 'HTTP_HOST' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/cmt_replace.php on line 3
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 6
Warning: Use of undefined constant file_name - assumed 'file_name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 28
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 65
5459 class="iamcmt" style="display:none;"> Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 66
5459 class='vcm '>
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 70
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 71
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 76
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 117
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 118
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 119
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 120
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 121
5459'> April_fool
Warning: Use of undefined constant mod_date - assumed 'mod_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 133
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 140
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 140
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 142
16/07/24 08:20
5459>삭제 주소복사
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 150
이 글을 읽고 문득 떠오른 것이, IS에 제 발로 가담하는 사람들의 [진심]은 과연 어떤 것일까 하는 궁금증입니다.
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 158
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 166
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 171
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 158
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 166
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 171
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
5459>
5459>
