Warning: Use of undefined constant memo - assumed 'memo' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 278
홍차넷
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/outlogin_toby.php on line 34
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/outlogin_toby.php on line 45
Warning: Use of undefined constant r - assumed 'r' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/outlogin_toby.php on line 47
Warning: Use of undefined constant r - assumed 'r' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/outlogin_toby.php on line 51
Warning: Use of undefined constant memo - assumed 'memo' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 237
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/outlogin_toby.php on line 34
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/outlogin_toby.php on line 45
Warning: Use of undefined constant r - assumed 'r' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/outlogin_toby.php on line 47
Warning: Use of undefined constant r - assumed 'r' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/outlogin_toby.php on line 51
Warning: Use of undefined constant memo - assumed 'memo' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 237
Warning: Use of undefined constant is_admin - assumed 'is_admin' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/zero_header.php on line 269
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/zero_header.php on line 300
Warning: Use of undefined constant title - assumed 'title' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/bbs_title.php on line 16
추천
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/bbs_title.php on line 21
Warning: Use of undefined constant header - assumed 'header' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/bbs_title.php on line 31
- 회원들이 추천해주신 좋은 글들을 따로 모아놓는 공간입니다.
- 추천글은 매주 자문단의 투표로 선정됩니다.
Warning: Use of undefined constant use_formmail - assumed 'use_formmail' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 519
Warning: Use of undefined constant use_category - assumed 'use_category' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/include/print_category.php on line 9
전체기타일상/생각꿀팁/강좌게임문학영화의료/건강문화/예술경제체육/스포츠과학철학/종교정치/사회요리/음식역사여행IT/컴퓨터음악창작사진
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/setup.php on line 29
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/setup.php on line 41
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Warning: Use of undefined constant memo - assumed 'memo' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 389
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Warning: Use of undefined constant memo - assumed 'memo' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 389
Warning: Use of undefined constant memo - assumed 'memo' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 389
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Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 405
Warning: Use of undefined constant total_comment - assumed 'total_comment' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 406
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Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 2
Warning: Use of undefined constant HTTP_HOST - assumed 'HTTP_HOST' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/memo_replace.php on line 3
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Warning: Use of undefined constant use_category - assumed 'use_category' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 40
| Date |
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 53 21/07/09 23:31:22 Warning: Use of undefined constant mod_date - assumed 'mod_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 56 |
| Name | 문학소녀 |
| Subject | 귀여운 봉남씨가 없는 세상 |
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대구에 친할머니가 돌아가셔서 오늘 발인했어요. 아근데 전 친할머니 외할머니 표현 안좋아하고 저 자신도 외숙모로 불리는거 안좋아하지만 제가 대구할머니, 창녕할머니, 목포할머니, 호주할머니 그러면 다른 분들은 못 알아들으시니께 친할머니라 했어요. 솔직하게 전 우리 할머니를 한때는 훌륭하지 않은 사람이라고 생각했답니다. 왜냐하면 할머니와 아빠와 저는 셋이서 띠동갑에다가 공포영화 유전이랑 맞다이 뜰 수 있을만큼 유전적인 특징이나 성격과 취향들이 무서울 정도로 똑같은데, 어린 시절부터 엄마가 항상 우리 세사람의 이런 특성들을 싸잡아서 저에게 흉을 봤기 때문이어요. 제일 아무것도 아니어서 제일 속상한 예를 들어볼께요. 저의 엄마와 오빠는 절대 밥을 말아먹고 비벼먹지 않아요. 하지만 할머니랑 아빠랑 저는 궁물만 쪼매 자작해도 나물만 한줌 무쳐도 바로 말고 바로 비볐고요. 그걸 엄마는 저에게만 계속 짜증을 냈는데 전 그래서 아직도 다른 사람이랑 밥 먹을 때 밥을 말고 싶어도 참고 비비고 싶어도 참고요. 그게 뭐라고 말예요. 예를 하나 더 들어볼께요. 할머니도 아빠도 저도 고기를 참 좋아한답니다. 특히 우리 할머니는 아흔이 넘으셔도 야야 고기가 윽시 연하다 하낫도 안찔기노 하심서 고기를 좋아하셨지요. 저도 어릴때부터 고기라면 질기든 식어빠졌든 냄시가나든 잘 먹었는데 이것도 할머니랑 같이 엮여서 많이 혼났었어요. 음식 밝히면 못난거고 많이 먹으면 살찐다고요. 역시나 전 아직도 다른 사람이랑 고기를 먹으러가면 몇 점 못먹고 배고픈채로 일어나 버리지요. 억지로 더 먹으면 이상한 죄책감에 바로 체한답니다. 다 담을 수 없는 이런 사건들이 수없이 모이고 모여서 우리 할머니는 매력적이지 않은, 정말 별로인 특성들이 많은 사람이고 그걸 고치지는 못할 망정 우리 아빠에게 물려줘버린 사람이라고 생각했어요. 이 이야기 속에서 제일 나쁘고 한심하고 못난 사람은 늘 저였는데 아빠에게 전해진 안좋은 특성들을 바보처럼 제가 또 이어받아버렸다는 생각에 사로잡혀 있었기 때문에 그래요. 그치만 지금 이 글을 읽고 계시는 여러분들도 그렇게 생각하지 않죠? 다행히 저도 더 이상은 그렇게 생각하지 않아요. 할머니는 3남 3녀를 낳고 키웠는데 실은 3남 4녀였데요. 저는 고모가 4명이었던 셈인데 고모 한명은 어릴 때 병으로 죽었데요. 아이를 낳기전까지는 그땐 어린애들 사망률이 높았지 하고 덤덤했는데 이제는 짐작할 수 있어요. 자식을 잃는 것, 부모가 되어 자식을 먼저 보내는 것이 어떤 것인지 감히 알 수 있어요. 그럼에도 불구하고 할머니는 늘 훌륭한 유머를 구사했어요. 참 훌륭하죠? 할아버지는 암으로 돌아가셨는데 그때 큰아빠가 대학생 아빠가 스무살 고모들이 고등학생 중학생 중학생 그랬데요. 막내삼촌은 국민학생이고요. 그때부터의 할머니의 삶은 말해 뭐해요. 참으로 훌륭하시죠? 그런데말여요. 좀 이상한것이 저는 별로 슬프지 않네요. 눈물도 안나고요. 장례식장에 갔다면 발인을 지켜봤다면 글자 그대로 실감이 났을까요. 실감이 안나서 아무렇지 않은 것 같아요. 그냥 뭔가 어마어마한 일이 일어났다는 느낌만 들어요. 할머니는 일제시대때 태어나셨죠. 625 터졌을때 우리 아빠가 갓난아기였고요. 3남 3녀를 키웠고요. 그 할머니 속에 담겨있는 역사는 얼마나 어마어마할것이며 이야기들은 또 얼마나 어마어마할까요. 그게 오늘을 마지막으로 세상에서 싹 다 사라져버렸어요. 그게 너무 이상하고 또 이상한 것 같아요. 하지만 여기서 엄청 신기한 일도 같이 발생해요. 할머니가 여전히 세상에 남아있기도 하다는 거에요. 일단 할머니의 남성형 버전인 저의 아빠가 여전히 잘 살고 있고요, 할머니의 젊은 버전인 저도 여전히 잘 먹고 잘 살고 있지요. 그리고 또 제가 저의 복제품들을 세개나 생산해서 세상에 내놓았죠. 할머니가 첫 돌을 놓은 역사는 계속 쌓여가고 할머니가 서두를 뗀 이야기는 영원히 계속될 것 같지요? 사실 제가 제일 궁금한 건 마지막 순간까지 할머니는 편안하셨을까 행복하셨을까 하는거에요. 마지막 순간까지 할머니가 편안하셨길 바라고 행복하셨길 바라기 때문에 그게 젤 알고 싶어요. 신체적인 노화도 돌이킬 수 없었지만 치매가 너무 심해지셔서 최근 몇년은 요양원에 계셨는데 우리 가족이 영국에서 귀국하자마자 뵈러 갔더랬어요. 그게 벌써 이년전이에요. 근데 다녀온 저에게 아빠가 자꾸 저를 알아보시더냐고 묻고 또 묻는거에요. 전 그게 터무니없는 질문이라고 생각했어요. 이때 우리 아빠가 일흔이고 할머니가 아흔넷이었는데, 할머니 인생에서 칠십년을 봐온 아들자식도 못 알아보는데 고작 삼십몇년을 본 손녀를 기억하실리 없잖아요. 나를 알아보더냐는 질문에 집착하기보다 그냥 할머니가 편안해보이셨는지, 행복해보이셨는지 물어봐야 된다고 생각했어요. 근데 이렇게 할머니가 돌아가시니까 이제는 알 것 같아요. 제가 할머니가 다시 그대로 태어난 수준이거든요. 그래서 할머니가 저를 진짜 아끼고 예뻐해주셨어요. 아빠는 저를 마지막 수단으로 보내본 것이어요. 충격요법의 일종으로요. 엄마가 이렇게 영원히 자신을 잊은채로 돌아가실 것이 뻔한 상황을 어느 아들이 쉽게 받아들일 수 있겠어요. 그래서 절 최후의 한방으로 출격시킨 것이었지요. 이년전엔 결코 이해할 수 없던 그 질문이 엊그제 황망히 대구에 내려가는 아빠를 보니까 단번에 이해가 돼요. 이제는 이해가 됐어요. 그렇게 요양원에 갔을 때 제일 놀랬던 게 뭔지 아세요? 칠년만에 만난 할머니는 예전의 할머니가 아니더군요. 바이킹같이 풍채 끝장나던(나한테 유전됨) 할머니가 쪼그라들고 쪼그라들어 한톨 살구씨가 되어서 누워계시데요. 아 할머니가 식물이 되어서 놀랜게 아니고 그 순간에도 할머니는 농담 칠 기회를 노리고 계셨는데 그게 너무 귀여워서 놀랬어요. 생각해보면 할머니는 늘 귀여웠어요. 제 결혼식을 스울해서 했는데 대구 부산 하객들 모두 관광버스를 타고 오셨지요. 와서 제 남편을 만나시고선 바로 우리 안도령 안도령 그럼서 너무 좋아하시더니 내려가는 길에 휴게소에서 사람들한테 골든벨 울리셨데요. 손녀가 너무 이쁜 손주사위 델고와서 기분 째진다고요. 결혼한건 난데 기분은 본인이 다 내는 할머니 참 귀엽죠. 그리고 결혼식때 사물놀이패가 공연을 했는데 할머니가 흥이 너무 난 나머지 스테이크 썰다 말고 무대에 난입을 하셨었어요. 그럼서 내려가는 버스 안에서 계속 자책을 했데요. 다 늙어빠진 할망구가 젤 앞에서 춤 춰서 주책이었다고요. 빠른 반성 쌉가능인 할머니 참 귀엽고 또 귀엽죠. 그랬던 할머니가 이제 없어요. 그 말은 이 세상이 그만큼의 귀여움을 상실한 상태라는 것이어요. 세상 귀여움의 총량이 사흘전보다 줄어있는 상태란 말이죠. 그렇다면 저는 지금부터 무엇을 해야 할까요. 저는 무엇을 할 수 있을까요. 놀랍게도 저 역시 할머니를 닮아 엊그제보다는 어제 더, 어제보다는 오늘 더 귀엽답니다. 진짜 놀랬죠? 저도요. 그리고 저의 복제품 1호와 2호, 3호는 또 어떻구요. 이런 말 쓰기 싫지만 이 말 만큼 정확하게 묘사해주는 말이 없어서 쓰는데 저희 애들은 진짜 존나 개귀엽답니다. 제가 그렇게 키우고 있고 또 반드시 그렇게 키울 것이어요. 이만하면 할머니가 있던 시절보다 오히려 더 귀여운 세상이 될 것 같아요. 이것만큼 할머니를 잘 추모할 수 있는 방법도 없는 것 같고요. 큰일 안나고 괜찮을 것 같죠? 귀여운 봉남씨가 없는 세상, 잘 물려받아서 잘 살아볼께요. * Cascade님에 의해서 티타임 게시판으로부터 게시물 복사되었습니다 (2021-07-20 10:09) * 관리사유 : 추천게시판으로 복사합니다. Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 133 Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 146 Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 161 83
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Warning: Use of undefined constant mod_date - assumed 'mod_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 133
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 140
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 140
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 142
21/07/09 23:36
22827>삭제 주소복사
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 150
너무 귀여우셔서 눈물이 날 것 같아요.
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 158
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 166
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 171
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
4
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 158
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 166
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 171
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
4
22827>
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