Warning: Use of undefined constant memo - assumed 'memo' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 278
홍차넷
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/outlogin_toby.php on line 34
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/outlogin_toby.php on line 45
Warning: Use of undefined constant r - assumed 'r' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/outlogin_toby.php on line 47
Warning: Use of undefined constant r - assumed 'r' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/outlogin_toby.php on line 51
Warning: Use of undefined constant memo - assumed 'memo' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 237
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/outlogin_toby.php on line 34
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/outlogin_toby.php on line 45
Warning: Use of undefined constant r - assumed 'r' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/outlogin_toby.php on line 47
Warning: Use of undefined constant r - assumed 'r' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/outlogin_toby.php on line 51
Warning: Use of undefined constant memo - assumed 'memo' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 237
Warning: Use of undefined constant is_admin - assumed 'is_admin' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/zero_header.php on line 269
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/zero_header.php on line 300
Warning: Use of undefined constant title - assumed 'title' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/bbs_title.php on line 16
질문
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/bbs_title.php on line 21
Warning: Use of undefined constant header - assumed 'header' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/bbs_title.php on line 31
- 질문 게시판입니다.
Warning: Use of undefined constant use_formmail - assumed 'use_formmail' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 519
Warning: Use of undefined constant use_category - assumed 'use_category' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/include/print_category.php on line 9
전체기타게임진로연애가정/육아체육/스포츠교육의료/건강철학/종교IT/컴퓨터여행과학문화/예술법률홍차넷경제
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/setup.php on line 29
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/setup.php on line 41
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 398
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 2
Warning: Use of undefined constant HTTP_HOST - assumed 'HTTP_HOST' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/memo_replace.php on line 3
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 10
Warning: Use of undefined constant use_category - assumed 'use_category' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 40
| Date |
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 53 23/04/04 20:15:57 Warning: Use of undefined constant mod_date - assumed 'mod_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 56 수정됨 |
| Name | [익명] |
| Subject | 숨막히고 힘듭니다. 제발 도와주세요. |
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안녕하세요. 현재 서울에서 대학을 다니고 있는 비수도권 출신 대학생입니다. 지금 마음속에 흐르는 감정을 어찌할 수가 없어 시험기간임에도 홍차넷에 접속했습니다. 중고등학생 때는 대학만 서울로 가면 해결될 줄 알았습니다. 그래서 남들이 합격 소식을 듣자마자 축하부터 해 주는 대학에 진학했습니다. 대학에 가서는 제가 적응을 잘 하면 괜찮을 줄 알았습니다. 그래서 기숙사에 가서 처음 든 생각이 '아 이제 죽어도 여한이 없다' 였음에도 본가에서는 웃는 모습, 행복한 모습만 보여 드렸습니다. 그런데... 어머니께서 제게 보여 주시는 모습은 바뀌질 않네요. 여전히 저를 미워하는 동시에 사랑하시고, 제게 바뀌길 요구하시는 모습 그대로를 본인이 하고 계십니다. 본가에서 나오면 해결되겠거니 했습니다. 그래서 방학 때도 기를 쓰고 서울에 있었고, 본가에는 한달에 한두 번, 많아야 2-3일 갑니다. '내 집이야! 싫으면 나가!' '용돈 끊어버린다?' 라며 겁을 주시기에 집을 나가 살고, 대학생이기에 염치없이 용돈을 받아쓰지만 방세만큼의 돈이라도 제가 벌어서 살면 해결될 줄 알았습니다. 그래서 기숙사 떨어지자마자 혼자 모든 걸 알아보고 알아봐 서울에 있는 300/30 쉐어하우스로 옮겨 지내고, 알바를 통해 돈을 벌고 있습니다. 그러나 여전히 저는 부모님 돈 받아 쓰는 기생충이었습니다. 그런데 여전히 부딪히네요. 정말 의도치 않고 사소한 걸로. 그리고 그 때마다 제 마음은 썩어들어갑니다. 본가에 왜 가냐 하시는 분들도 분명 있을 줄 압니다. 아버지 뵈러 가고, 동생 얼굴 보러 가고, 맞벌이 하시는 부모님 대신해 저 키워 주신 외할머니 보러 갑니다. (외할머니도 부모님, 동생과 함께 사십니다) 가끔은 이조차 힘겹기도 하지만, 어쩔 수 없다 생각합니다. 좀 더 구체적으로 쓰자면 어머니: 이거 밀크초콜릿 아니니? 00이(동생) 거야? (동생이 단 걸 좋아합니다) 나: 아니. 내 거야. 아빠가 서울 가져가라고 나 사줬어. 어머니: 밀크초콜릿이잖아. 딱 봐도 밀크네. 이거 얼른 숨겨. 00이 보면 또 다 먹는다. 나: 이거 다크라니까. 어머니: 뭐가 다크야! 밀크초콜릿인데! 나: 다크라고! 포장지에 다크라고 쓰여 있잖아! (실제로 마트에서 흔히 파는 넓적한 판초콜릿이었고 포장지에 'dark chocolate'이라고 쓰여 있었습니다) 어머니: 아... 다크네. 넌 또 뭘 그리 화를 내! 이게 화낼 일이야? 넌 뭐 다 잘해? 다 완벽해? 제가 아르바이트를 하며 모은 돈으로 화장품을 샀습니다. 그러나 지금 살고 있는 곳이 수납공간이 없고, 화장실 등이 모두 공용공간인지라 둘 곳이 없어 그 화장품을 본가의 어머니께 맡겨 두었습니다. 혹시 동생이 발견하고 자기 것인 양 쓸까봐(제 간식 훔쳐먹거나 제 옷 몰래 입고, 제 저금통에서 돈도 10만원 가량 빼 가다가 걸린 적이 있어 좀 조심하는 편입니다) 아래에 네임펜으로 이름까지 써 뒀던 것이었습니다. 맡아 주실 당시 어머니께서도 '알았다. 엄마한테 맡겨라' 하며 승낙하셨던 일입니다. 그런데 이번에 내려가 그 화장품을 쓰려고 보니, 봉인이 뜯겨 있더군요. 저는 한 번도 손댄 적 없는 것이었음에도. 나: 엄마, 이거 엄마가 썼어? 어머니: 응, 엄마가 썼어. 이거 엄마 거야. 나: 아닌데? 이거 내 거야. 어머니: 뭐가 네 거야? 엄마 거야. 엄마 장 안에 있었고(어머니께 맡겼으니까요...), 엄마가 쓰는 브랜드야. 나: 내 거라고! 내가 밑에 이름까지 써 뒀어! 이거 지난번에 맡겨 뒀던 거잖아! 어머니: 아 그래? 같이 쓰자 ㅎㅎ 그런데 넌 또 왜 화를 내니? 본가에 내려갔을 때, 가족들이 tv를 안 보는 저녁 시간대에 넷플릭스를 종종 봅니다. 쉐어하우스이다 보니 조용히 콘텐츠를 즐기기 힘들기도 하고, 인터넷도 느려서 보지 못했던 걸 몰아봐서요. 그런데 이번에 내려가서 '더 글로리'를 볼 때 또 싸웠습니다. 어머니: 이거 마지막회인데? 왜 이걸 틀어? 너 시즌 2 몰아본다며. 나: 이거 마지막회 아니야. 15회야. 다 봐서 지금 15회째 보고 있는 거야. 어머니: 뭐가 마지막회가 아니야? 내가 이걸 먼저 다 봤는데! 이거 마지막회잖아! 나: 아닌데? 내가 지금 순차적으로 보고 있어. 회차별 목록도 보고 트는데 뭐가 마지막회야. 어머니: 야, 내가 다 봤다고. 내가 봤는데 뭐가 아니야. 리모컨 줘. 마침 거의 끝났네. 내 거 봐야겠다. (바로 리모컨 가져가셨습니다) 나: 아니라고! 이거 마지막회 아니라고! 내가 다 확인하고 틀었다고! 엄마가 직접 확인해봐! 마지막회면 엄마 거 바로 봐도 돼! 어머니: 야! 마지막회라니까! (회차 확인하시더니) 아... 15회네. 나: 내가 15회라고 했잖아! 대체 왜 그래! 어머니: 야! 실수할 수도 있지! 왜 화를 내! 넌 다 잘해? 다 완벽해? 아주 그냥 세상 지만 잘났지! 이 모든 일이 지난주 2-3일 사이에 일어났습니다. 압니다. 다른 분들이 보시기에 '그냥 네가 참으면 되지 왜 그러냐. 왜 사소한 일을 꼭 싸움으로 끌고 가냐. 왜 여자애가 참하지 못해' 라고 하실 수도 있다는 걸. 저희 할머니도 제게 자주 그러시니까요. 하지만 이런 일이 매일 한 번씩은 일어나고, 그 와중에 어머니께서는 '목소리 높이지 마라, 남이 계속 A라고 하는데 B라고 하는 거 고쳐라. 그게 너의 단점이다' 라고 말씀하시니 너무 힘듭니다. 서울에 올라와서도 마음이 통 가라앉지를 않습니다. 방금 홍차넷에 접속하기 전에는 책상 앞에서 순간적으로 숨이 차오르기도 했습니다. 그 와중에 감정은 계속 복잡하게 엉켜 피로감이 몰려오네요. 제가 뭘 고쳐야 하는 걸까요. 제가 뭘 어떻게 해야 하는 걸까요. 지금보다 더 완벽해져야 하는 걸까요? 더 좋은 일자리를 구해 돈을 많이 벌고 경제적 독립을 하는 게 해결책이 될 수 있음을 압니다. 그래서 지금 뭐라도 해 보려 하지만, 궁극적으로 여기에는 '좋은 학점'이 필요해서 공부도 놓을 수가 없네요... '그래서 뭐 어쩌라는 거냐' '네 하소연 털어놓지 마라' 라고 하실 분 분명 있을 거 압니다. 그런데 서울시 상담전화는 늘 전화 연결이 안 되고, 자신들끼리 전화를 돌리고 돌리다 결국 제가 혼자 흐느끼며 끝나서... 하지만 도저히 누구에게도 말할 수가 없는 이야기라서 욕먹을 거 알지만 익명으로 한 번 써봤습니다. 이제 겨우 마음이 좀 안정되네요. 시험 기간인데 이러고 있는 저도 참 못났지만, 이 글 읽으실 분들께 미리 죄송하다는 인사 드립니다. Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 133 Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 146 Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 161 0 |
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Warning: Use of undefined constant file_name - assumed 'file_name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 28
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 65
134299 class="iamcmt" style="display:none;"> Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 66
134299 class='vcm '>
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 70
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 70
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 70
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 71
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 71
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 76
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 117
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 118
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 119
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 120
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 121
134299'> 삼성그룹
Warning: Use of undefined constant mod_date - assumed 'mod_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 133
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 140
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 140
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 142
23/04/04 20:21
134299>삭제 주소복사
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 150
어머님이 내로남불의 전형이시네요.
뭐 답은 시간이긴 할겁니다.
힘의 균형이 글쓴님께로 기울어졌을때요.
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 158
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 166
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
4
뭐 답은 시간이긴 할겁니다.
힘의 균형이 글쓴님께로 기울어졌을때요.
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 158
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 166
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 168
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
4
134299>
134299>
