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홍차넷
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티타임
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- 다양한 주제에 대해 자유롭게 글을 작성하는 게시판입니다.
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전체기타일상/생각꿀팁/강좌방송/연예도서/문학영화의료/건강문화/예술경제생활체육과학/기술철학/종교정치요리/음식역사여행육아/가정IT/컴퓨터음악창작게임스포츠사회오프모임
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| Date |
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 53 19/05/17 19:44:02 Warning: Use of undefined constant mod_date - assumed 'mod_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 56 수정됨 |
| Name |  Cascade |
| Subject | 당신은 사과할 자격이 없다. |
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1. 늙었다는 것은 감정을 숨기는 걸 더 잘하게 된다는 뜻인지도 모르겠다. 귀가 잘 안 들린다. 불편하지는 않다. 어차피 듣고 싶은 것보단 듣고 싶지 않는 소리가 더 많은 나이다. 하지만 그렇게 듣고 싶지 않은 소리가 너무 잘 들릴 때가 있다. "아니 아빠는 화도 안 나?" 누구지? 아마도 손자 목소리인 듯 하다. 이름이... 뭐였더라. "그런 걸로 화 낼 필요 없다." 아, 이 목소리는 안다. 막내다. 나이 먹어서 아들이 아들이랑 싸우고 있는 꼴을 보아하니 귀가 안 들리는 척 하는 게 편하다. 아내가 죽은 뒤로는 내가 정말 안 들리는 건지, 안 들리는 척 하는 건지 맞추는 사람이 없다. TV를 켠다. 익숙하지 않은 단어들이 들린다. 아니 너무 익숙한 단어들이 들린다. 누군가가 사과를 한다고 한다. 사과를 했다고 한다. 뭣하러 사과를 하나 어차피 사과할 이유도 없구만. 2. 아들이 뭐라뭐라 소리를 지르더니 나갔다. 해 주고 싶은 말은 많았지만 말이 나오지 않는 걸 어쩌리. 아직 아들은 모른다. 그게 화 날 이유가 없다는 것을. 어릴 때부터 나는 병신새끼라는 욕을 듣는 것이 세상에서 가장 싫었다. 누군가 그렇게 말하면 나는 죽을 때까지 싸웠다. 미친 척 하고 싸웠다. 엄마-이제 죽어서 없지만-는 그렇게 싸우고 온 아들을 대신해서 연신 고개를 숙였다. 하지만 내게 뭐라고 하진 않으셨다. 그 때가 몇 살이였더라. 아버지-내가 기억하기로는-, 아버지는 옷을 혼자 입지도 못했고, 신발도 혼자서 신을 수 없었고, 밥도 혼자서 해 드실 수가 없었다. 그 당시에 나는 몰랐다. 큰 형은 알고 있었다. 누나도 알고 있었다. 그러니까 그 집에서 그걸 모르는 사람은 딱 두 명이였다. 그 사실을 40대가 되서야 알았다. 아니 짐작은 하고 있었다. 어느정도 머리가 커진 후에는 정확한 사실은 아니여도 아버지가 부끄럽다는 건 알았다. 나는 입대하던 날 아침 일찍 대문을 나섰다. 부모님 보고는 절대 따라오지 말라고 얘기한 뒤에 기차에 올랐다. 부끄러운 아버지 따위는 필요없다고 생각하며 연병장을 뒤돌아본 순간, 거기에 아부지가 있었다. 자식이 아비를 창피해 하니, 아비는 가장 끝가에서 나를 찾고 있었다. 나는 아부지를 봤다. 아부지는 나를 봤을까. 그렇게 아버지는 명절에만 뵙는 사람이 되었다. 3. 때로는 진실을 아는 게 딱히 좋은 것만은 아니다. 왜 어렸을 적에 할머니가 손톱깎이 근처에도 못 가게 했는지, 왜 할아버지는 손가락이 없는지. 그 이유를 물어본 적도 없었다. 아버지가 그 진실을 비로소 알게 되었던 순간에, 나도 그 사실을 알게 되었다. 아빠는 술에 취해 있었다. 울고 있었다. 아빠가 연신 이야기를 하고 있었다. 술에 취한 아빠는 한 이야기를 또 하고 또 하고 또 했다. 입대하는 이야기는 열번도 넘게 들은 것 같다. 할머니가 돌아가신 뒤에야 아빠는 할아버지가 '한센병'이라는 사실을 비로소 알게 되었다고 한다. 할머니는 그걸 자식들에게 절대로 말하지 않았다. 절대로. 자식들에게는 그 굴레를 씌우고 싶지 않았기에. 본인이 숨을 다할 때까지도.... 아 생각해보니 그 전에는 그렇게 고상한 단어로 부르지도 않았다. 문둥이라고 불렀지. 아 그러고보면 세상이 나아졌네. 최소한 문둥이라고는 안 했으니. 4. "아부지, 뭐하러 나오셨우?" 아부지가 편의점엘 다 오고. "담배 한 갑만 줘바라" 금연한 지가 10년이 다 되가시는 분이 웬 담배를. "아부지, 여기는 담배 못 펴. 흡연장 가야지" 5. 아니 이놈의 아파트는 담배도 맘대로 못 피게 하는구만. "야 넌 왜 여기 있냐. 제발 담배 좀 끊어라" "그러는 아빠는 왜 왔는데?" "할아버지가 피신다 그래서 왔다. 왜?" "할아버지 담배 끊으신 거 아니에요?" "몰라, 한 대 피고 싶으신가보지." 거 참 불이나 붙일 것이지 말만 많네. "아부지 불" 6. 삼 부자가 담배를 핀다. 그렇게 말 없이 들어간다. 7. 똑같은 일을 보고도 셋의 반응이 모두 다른 것은 그러한 상처는 그에게는 벗어날 수 없는 굴레였기 때문이다. 그래서 그는 포기했다. 그러한 모욕은 그에게는 익숙했기 때문이다. 그래서 그는 더 이상 그런 말에 분노하지 않는다. 하지만 그러한 악담은 그에게는 처음 경험하는 일이었기 때문이었다. 그래서 화를 냈던 것이다. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 픽션일 겁니다. 아마도. Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 133 Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 146 Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 161 6 이 게시판에 등록된 Cascade님의 최근 게시물
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Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 628
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 628
Warning: Use of undefined constant HTTP_HOST - assumed 'HTTP_HOST' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 640
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 644
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 646
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 646
Warning: Use of undefined constant HTTP_HOST - assumed 'HTTP_HOST' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/cmt_replace.php on line 3
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 6
Warning: Use of undefined constant file_name - assumed 'file_name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 28
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 65
124549 class="iamcmt" style="display:none;"> Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 66
124549 class='vcm '>
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 70
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 71
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 76
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 117
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 118
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 119
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 120
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 121
124549'> 다람쥐
Warning: Use of undefined constant mod_date - assumed 'mod_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 133
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 140
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 140
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 142
19/05/18 13:14
124549>삭제 주소복사
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 150
처음부터 끝까지 숨도 안 쉬고 읽어내려갔습니다. 저도 많은 생각을 하게 해 주는 글이네요 감사합니다
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 158
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 166
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 171
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 158
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 166
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 171
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
124549>
124549>