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홍차넷
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티타임
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- 다양한 주제에 대해 자유롭게 글을 작성하는 게시판입니다.
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전체기타일상/생각꿀팁/강좌방송/연예도서/문학영화의료/건강문화/예술경제생활체육과학/기술철학/종교정치요리/음식역사여행육아/가정IT/컴퓨터음악창작게임스포츠사회오프모임
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| Date |
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| Name | 뤼야 |
| Subject | 꿈과 미래 |
|
항상 이 맘때쯤 바뀌는 계절을 맞이하는 버릇처럼 몸이 아프곤 합니다. 일주일이 넘도록 정상적인 컨디션이 돌아오지 않아 의욕도 식욕도 잃은 채 겨우 겨우 출퇴근을 반복했네요. 홍차넷 회원 여러분은 안녕하신지요. 성정이 예민한 탓에 낮잠을 모르고 사는데, 어제는 전에 없던 낮잠까지 자고 나니 일주일간 저를 괴롭히던 감기몸살기에서 조금 해방된 듯 합니다. 하여 며칠 전에 꾸었던 꿈이야기나 해볼까 합니다. 저와 애인이 인연을 이어간 것이 벌써 5년이 훌쩍 넘어갑니다. 정확히 기억이 안나네요. 제 블로그에 남긴 자취를 통해 처음 알게 되었고, 그가 처음 남긴 자취는 유쾌한 내용은 아니었지만 재미는 있었습니다. 제가 읽은 책을 누군가도 읽었으며, 그와 내가 같은 작품을 두고 온전히 다르게 느끼고 있다는 것에 흥미를 느꼈고, 그의 이야기를 더 들어보고 싶었습니다. 그러나 그의 흔적을 따라 들어간 블로그에는 완성된 글이 별로 없었습니다. 완성을 하면 좋은 글이 될텐데 싶은 글이 많았지만, 제가 뭐라고 글을 마저 쓰라 종용할 수는 없는 일이었죠. 그 후로, 가끔 그가 제 블로그를 보러 온다는 것만 흔적을 통해 알 뿐이었습니다. 그러던 어느 날 이 무례한 방문자는 처음 흔적을 남겼던 때처럼 용감하게(?) 한 번 만나줄 것을 청했습니다. '만나자'는 청 자체는 무례할 것이 없는 내용으로 이루어져 있었지만, 왜 만나야 하는지가 선명하지 않으니 역시나 무례한 것이 맞지요. 거절과 재청. 그리고 그의 청이 길어질수록 부담도 커져갔지만, 결국 수락하게 된 것은 그가 저보다 나이가 어리기 때문이었습니다. 오랫동안 학원에서 학생들을 가르치다보니, 빨리 여문 놈 중에는 "선생님! 저 장가가요!"하며 청첩을 보내는 녀석도 있었는데, 그들 중 한 명을 본다는 심정으로 부담을 덜어내고 만나게 된 것이 인연이 되었습니다. 상상도 못했지만 상상도 못한 일이 벌어지는 것이 인생이기도 한 것 같습니다. 제가 쓴 어느 글에선가 덧글을 통해 밝힌 바 있지만, 제 애인은 지금 등단을 준비하고 있습니다. 그는 자신이 소설을 쓸 수 있었던 것은 제가 있었기 때문이라고 말합니다만, 저는 그렇게 생각하지는 않습니다. 그는 제가 아니어도 소설을 썼을 것입니다. 공통의 관심사가 있으니 만나면 항상 재미있습니다. 좋은 작품을 발견했을 때도, 세속의 무딘 평가에 편승하여 얼토당토 않은 영광을 누리는 작품에 대한 평가도 거의 일치하는 편입니다. 연하(여러분이 몇살 차를 예상하시든 상상 이상일 겁니다.)의 애인을 두는 것이 여자로서 기분이 좋은 일인가 하면 아니라고는 못해도, 마음이 편한가 하면 그렇지 않습니다. 제 눈에 안경이겠습니다만, 애인의 외모가 형편없는 것도 아니니 더욱 그러합니다. 저와 애인은 결혼이라는 사회적 제도를 통해 미래를 준비할 생각은 없지만, 인생의 동반자임을 서로 충분히 의식하고 있기는 합니다. 아직은 아니지만 그가 등단을 통해 홀로서기를 하고 나면 그와 저는 가족이 되겠지요. 서로에게 가족이 되어주는 것에 대한 막중한 책임감은 부담이라기 보다는 기쁨에 더 가깝습니다. 각설하고, 꿈이야기로 넘어가겠습니다. 자다가 두 번 정도 깨었는데, 깰 때마다 꿈을 꾸었다는 것과, 중간에 끊어지긴 했지만 서로 연관이 있는 꿈이었다는 사실을 알게 되었습니다. 꿈의 내용이라는 것이 기억하려고 하거나, 말로 옮기려고 하는 만큼 디테일한 부분은 연기처럼 사라지는 법이라, 세세히 옮길 수는 없지만, 대강의 내용은 바로 '애인에게 다른 여자가 생겼다'는 것이었습니다. 이런 꿈이 애인에게 어떤 다른 기미(?)가 있었기 때문인가 하면 전혀 그렇지 않습니다. 그가 사랑하게 된 여자는 불행인지 다행인지 제가 아는 사람이었습니다. 제 고등학교 동창이었죠. 그녀와 저는 특별히 친하지는 않았는데, 제 기억 속의 그녀는 매우 부유한 집안의 고명딸로 여러 사람의 고임을 받고 자라 구김이 없고, 성정도 곱고, 몸가짐도 조선시대 양반집 규슈마냥 음전했습니다. 그녀가 꿈 속에서 전혀 나이를 먹지 않은 것은 너무나 당연하지요. 맑고 고운 피부를 지닌 고등학교 시절의 얼굴 그대로, 험한 말한마디를 견뎌내지 못하고 금방이라도 울어버릴 듯한 얼굴을 하고 제 꿈에 나타났습니다. 애인은 그런 그녀를 너무나 안타까와한 나머지 이러지도 못하고 저러지도 못하고 안절부절 하고 있었습니다. 저에 대한 의무감과 새로운 연인에 대한 애틋한 사랑 사이에서 갈등하는 애인의 모습은 꿈속에서도 차마 견디기 어려웠습니다. 꿈속에 나타난 타인의 마음은, 정작 내 마음이라는 것은 꿈을 많이 꾸는 편인 제게는 너무나 익숙합니다. 애인이 뼛속깊이 안타까와하는 절절한 사랑의 고뇌가 제게 그대로 전해져서 도저히 견딜 수가 없었습니다. 사랑하는 사람을 떠나보내야 할 지도 모른다는 그의 공포에 비해 제 쓰린 마음은 너무나 작게 느껴졌습니다. 저는 애인에게 "어서 그녀에게 가, 그녀의 곁에 있으라. 나는 괜찮다."라고 말하고야 말았습니다. 애인은 제게 미안해했지만 제 입에서 그 말이 떨어지는 순간 환하게 얼굴이 밝아오더군요. 꿈을 꾸고 일어나서 물 한잔을 마시기 전까지 꿈의 현실은 그대로 현실이었습니다. 저는 조금 슬퍼하고 있었습니다. 그러다 꿈이 꿈인 것을 깨닫는데 물을 마시러 발걸음을 옮기기까지 몇 분의 시간이 필요했던 것 같습니다. 그리고 꿈의 현실이 현실이 아니어서 조금은 안도하게 되었습니다. 저는 저 자신에게 물었습니다. '만약 꿈이 꿈이 아니라면 너는 어찌할텐가?' 저는 온전히 꿈 속에서 제가 그랬던 것처럼 할 것 같다 생각했습니다. 그렇다면 그 이유는 무엇인가 반문해 보았습니다. 제가 변심한 애인따위 쿨하게 그럴 수 있다고 생각하는 도통한 인격체여서? 전혀 그렇지 않습니다. 그가 제 가족이기 때문입니다. 그의 괴로움이 곧 제 것이 되는 것이 너무나 두렵기 때문입니다. 어젯밤에는 아무런 꿈도 꾸지 않고 푹 잘 잤습니다. 여러분 모두 안녕히 주무셨는지요. Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 133 Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 146 Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 161 6 이 게시판에 등록된 뤼야님의 최근 게시물
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Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 577
Warning: Use of undefined constant grant_delete - assumed 'grant_delete' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 577
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 425
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 429
Warning: Use of undefined constant use_formmail - assumed 'use_formmail' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 605
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 599
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 599
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 600
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 600
Warning: Use of undefined constant is_admin - assumed 'is_admin' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 605
Warning: Use of undefined constant is_admin - assumed 'is_admin' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 605
Warning: Use of undefined constant is_admin - assumed 'is_admin' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 609
Warning: Use of undefined constant is_admin - assumed 'is_admin' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 609
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 614
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 616
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 618
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 618
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 612
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 612
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 620
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 628
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 628
Warning: Use of undefined constant HTTP_HOST - assumed 'HTTP_HOST' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 640
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 644
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 646
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 646
Warning: Use of undefined constant HTTP_HOST - assumed 'HTTP_HOST' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/cmt_replace.php on line 3
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 6
Warning: Use of undefined constant file_name - assumed 'file_name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 28
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 65
13025 class="iamcmt" style="display:none;"> Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 66
13025 class='vcm '>
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 70
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 71
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 76
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 117
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 118
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 119
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 120
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 121
13025'> 와우
Warning: Use of undefined constant mod_date - assumed 'mod_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 133
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 140
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 140
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 142
15/08/31 07:31
13025>삭제 주소복사
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 150
어제는 모 처럼 잘 잔것 같습니다. 많이 공감되네요. 저의 이야기도 언젠가는 글로 올리고싶은데 이렇게 글솜씨가 저질 of 저질이라 아직 못하고 있어요. 저는 왜 평소의 생각마저도 말로 정리하거나 글로 쓰려고하면 디테일한 부분이 연기처럼 사라지는 지 ㅠㅠ 누군가를 좋아하는게 참 행복하지만 그래서 쉽지 않은 것 같습니다. 좋은 하루 되세요.
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 158
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 166
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 171
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 158
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 166
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 171
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
13025>
13025>
