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홍차넷
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티타임
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- 다양한 주제에 대해 자유롭게 글을 작성하는 게시판입니다.
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전체기타일상/생각꿀팁/강좌방송/연예도서/문학영화의료/건강문화/예술경제생활체육과학/기술철학/종교정치요리/음식역사여행육아/가정IT/컴퓨터음악창작게임스포츠사회오프모임
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| Date |
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| Name | Erzenico |
| Subject | 해무(海霧) |
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이른 밤 잠이 들었다가 등 뒤에 살짝 느껴지는 한기에 눈을 떴다. 속이 쓰리고 답답하지만 지금은 물 밖에는 다른 것을 입에 댈 수가 없다. 조금 눈물이 날 것 같은 느낌이 드는 일이 있었지만, 오늘은 좀 건조하니까 눈물은 아마 나지 않을 거야. 하고 웃기지도 않은 생각을 하다가 문득 짐을 싸다 말고 잠이 들었다는 것을 깨달았다. 박스테이프를 다 썼는데, 테이프 사러 문을 연 편의점까지 가려면 걸어서는 20분, 차를 타면 3분. 예전 같으면 몰라도 요즘은 크게 고민을 안하고 차 키를 집어들게 된다. 밤에 편의점 가서 테이프 하나 달랑 사서 오는 건 왠지 테이프로 큰 일을 치르려고 하는 사람처럼 보일 것 같다. 아침엔 내시경을 받기로 해놨으니 먹을 걸 사와도 지금 먹을 수도 없겠지. 담배도 안 피우고, 뭘 사지 정말. 하다가 먹을 거 사와서 내시경 하고 나서 먹으면 되지, 고민은 그만하고 어서 출발하자. 밖은 온통 짙게 깔린 안개로 가득 차 있다. 가끔 이 안개를 보면 누군가 깊이 들이마시면 걷히지 않을까 하는 착각을 하게 된다. 바보같이, 무슨 생각을 하는거야. 그런 것 보다 차에는 성에가 잔뜩 끼어있다. 어쩐지 춥다 했더니. 추웠지, 자 조금 몸을 따뜻하게 하고 출발하자. 하고 차에게 상냥하게 말을 걸어본다. 생각이 복잡해지는 시간엔 차에 늘 틀어놓는 나만의 플레이리스트 대신 누군가 나에게 말을 거는 듯한 심야라디오가 좋다. 항상 듣는 음악을 틀어둘 때엔 음량도 꽤나 크게 틀어놓지만 이렇게 속삭이는 듯한 말을 들을 때엔 그 음량은 조금 어색하다. 게다가 짙게 깔린 안개 덕택에 속도를 더 낼 수도 없는 상황이니까, 바람 소리가 들이치지 않으면 이 정도로도 그럭저럭 괜찮은 편이지. 그나저나 안개등을 켜도 정말 한 치 앞이 보이지 않는 안개다. 나는 어쩌자고 이 새벽에 이 안개를 보고도 차를 끌고 나왔을까, 밤에 오가는 차가 적어서 더 위험한 이 동네에서. 다행인 것은 평소에는 심야에는 자율 신호인 집 앞 사거리가 신호등을 작동하고 있다는 것일까. 이게 없다면 돌아오는 길에 덤프트럭에 치일지도 몰라 정말. 하고 조금은 진심으로 걱정해 보는 것이었다. 박스테이프 위치를 찾지 못해 점원에게 말을 건넸다. 이쪽으로 들어가서 왼쪽을 보시면 됩니다. 편의점에는 먼저 온 손님들이 육개장 사발면을 계산하고 물을 받고 있었다. 선생님, 자리에 좀 앉아 계세요. 들어가서 좀 쉬어야 내일 출석체크라도 하죠. 주변에 있는 학교 선생님들일까? 이야기를 들어봐서는 그런 것 같다. 오래 전 중, 고등학교에 다닐 때 종종 선생님들에게서 술 냄새를 맡을 수 있었지. 하고 옛 기억을 잠시 떠올렸다. 그래도 지금은 내가 할 일이 더 중요하지. 더 이상 그들에게 관심이 가지도 않고. 박스테이프와 내일 내시경 하고 나서 먹을만한 부드럽고 폭신폭신하리라 추정되는 모찌롤케익을 집어들었다. 아 이 롤케익, 일본 여행 가서 로손에서 본 거랑 진짜 비슷하게 생겼다. 또 가고 싶네. 돌아오는 길의 운전도 역시 심야 라디오와 함께, 거북이처럼 기어서 가야지. 이런 운전할 때는 딴 생각은 정말 위험하지만 자꾸 딴 생각이 드는 건 어떻게 할 수 없다. 나의 속쓰림의 정체, 그것은 호감이 가는 사람이 남자친구가 있다고 하는 이야기를 들어서도 곧 다가올 노동환경의 변화 때문에도 아닐 것이다. 물론 전자는 아니라고 콕 집어서 말할 수는 없을 것 같다. 그 이야기를 듣고 평소엔 잘 마시지도 않는 소주를 밤마다 마셨으니까. 그래도 내 걱정의 태반을 차지하고 있는 건 짐을 처분하고 옮기는 일들에 대한 스트레스가 아닐까 싶다. 3년이라는 시간에 이렇게도 쓸데없이 짐을 늘려온 것은 분명 내 잘못이지만 그런 성격으로 태어난 것을 어찌할까. 그에 대한 책임만 확실히 진다면야 별 일이야 없겠지. 그래도 책장에 꽃힌 책들이나 지금은 박스에 담겨 있는 나의 CD 컬렉션, 그리고 떠나기 전에 빨리 중고로 처분해서 없었던 것으로 만들어야 할 물건들 ― 오디오, 자전거, 커피머신 등을 보고 있노라면 독채 아파트를 제공한다는 이 근처의 2차병원에서 오라고 했을 때 진지하게 생각해볼 걸 그랬나 하는 생각이 안 들수가 없다. 아, 생각하니까 또 속이 쓰리네. 이럴 때 정말 나쁜 병이라도 있는 건 아닐까 생각하는 것은 직업병은 아닐 것이다. 그러고 보면, 이 곳에서 사람이 들고 나는 4월을 전후해서는 늘 이렇게 짙은 안개가 깔렸다. 내가 처음 이 곳에 와서 진한 환영회를 가지고 관에서 하는 일이 다 그렇듯 잡아둔 싸구려 숙소를 찾아 들어가는 길에도 이런 짙은 안개가 깔려 있었다. 마치 내 앞날에 대한 막연한 불안감을 드러내는 듯한 그 안개에 파묻혀 잠이 든 그 날로부터 벌써 3년, 함께 일하고 공도 차고 술도 가끔 한 잔씩 하며 정이 든 사람들을 떠나보낼 때 마다 내가 떠나는 그 순간을 생각해본 적이 없진 않지만 그래도 그 순간에 이렇게도 준비가 되지 않은 모습으로, 들어오기 전보다 더 나이든 외모가 된 것 외에는 특별히 차이가 없는 상태일 줄은 몰랐지. 도대체 뭘 한걸까, 아니 아무것도 하지 않는 시간을 즐긴거라고 생각하기로 했다. 아침에 위 내시경 결과는 내 속쓰림에 대한 궁금증을 해결해 줄 수 있을까. 아니면 내 마음에 피어난 안개가 더 짙어지게 만들까. 어느 쪽이 됐건 난 선택을 했고 곧 알게 되겠지. 별 병이 없다면 나도 다른 현대인들이 그러하듯 신경안정제를 찾게 될까. 자기 연민은 이쯤 해두자. 오늘도 이 서해안의 작은 마을에도 해가 비칠테고, 해가 비치면 안개가 걷히듯 내 마음에도 언젠가는 해가 뜬다. 꼭 뜬다. Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 133 Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 146 Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 161 6
이 게시판에 등록된 Erzenico님의 최근 게시물
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Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 576
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 577
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 577
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 577
Warning: Use of undefined constant grant_delete - assumed 'grant_delete' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 577
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 429
Warning: Use of undefined constant use_formmail - assumed 'use_formmail' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 605
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 599
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 599
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 600
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 600
Warning: Use of undefined constant is_admin - assumed 'is_admin' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 605
Warning: Use of undefined constant is_admin - assumed 'is_admin' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 605
Warning: Use of undefined constant is_admin - assumed 'is_admin' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 609
Warning: Use of undefined constant is_admin - assumed 'is_admin' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 609
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 614
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 616
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 618
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 618
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 612
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 612
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 620
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 628
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 628
Warning: Use of undefined constant HTTP_HOST - assumed 'HTTP_HOST' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 640
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 644
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 646
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 646
Warning: Use of undefined constant HTTP_HOST - assumed 'HTTP_HOST' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/cmt_replace.php on line 3
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 6
Warning: Use of undefined constant file_name - assumed 'file_name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 28
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 65
101767 class="iamcmt" style="display:none;"> Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 66
101767 class='vcm '>
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 70
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 71
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 76
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 117
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 118
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 119
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 120
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 121
101767'> 호라타래
Warning: Use of undefined constant mod_date - assumed 'mod_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 133
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 140
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 140
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 142
18/03/23 09:59
101767>삭제 주소복사
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 150
고생 많으셨어요. 노래와 같은 글이네요. 바다에서 일어난 안개가 헤어짐에서 일어난 안개가 포개지는 듯해요. 물이 여러 모습을 거치면 순환하듯이, 인연도 그러리라 믿습니다. 고양시는 해가 맑아요. 계신 곳도 해가 나서 마음을 산뜻하게 말릴 수 있으시기를 바랍니다 :)
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 158
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 166
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 171
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
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Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 158
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 166
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 171
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
101767>
101767>
