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홍차넷
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Warning: Use of undefined constant is_admin - assumed 'is_admin' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/zero_header.php on line 269
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티타임
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/bbs_title.php on line 21
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- 다양한 주제에 대해 자유롭게 글을 작성하는 게시판입니다.
Warning: Use of undefined constant use_formmail - assumed 'use_formmail' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 519
Warning: Use of undefined constant use_category - assumed 'use_category' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/include/print_category.php on line 9
전체기타일상/생각꿀팁/강좌방송/연예도서/문학영화의료/건강문화/예술경제생활체육과학/기술철학/종교정치요리/음식역사여행육아/가정IT/컴퓨터음악창작게임스포츠사회오프모임
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/setup.php on line 29
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Warning: Use of undefined constant HTTP_HOST - assumed 'HTTP_HOST' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/memo_replace.php on line 3
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| Date |
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 53 17/02/25 01:57:55 Warning: Use of undefined constant mod_date - assumed 'mod_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 56 |
| Name | 이건마치 |
| Subject | 통증 |
|
1 한국의 겨울에 비해 온화한 느낌은 분명했지만 일교차가 심했고 음식은 낯설었다. 잠깐 합류한 그룹의 L은 감기에 걸린 듯 했다. 약은 싫다는 그녀의 컨디션에 맞춰 일정을 조절했고 밤에 여분의 담요를 가져다 주었다. 이튿날 아쉽게도 상태는 더 안 좋아진 것 같았다. 오전에는 간헐적으로 두통과 오한을 호소하다가 일행에게 미안함을 느낀 듯 오후에는 거의 말이 없었다. 더 이상은 무리라고 생각해서 빛 좋은 옥상 카페를 찾아 따뜻한 차를 마시며 사람과 오물이 뒤섞여 온통 누런 강물을 내려다보고 있었다. L은 눈을 감고 있었다. 건너 테이블에서 "한국에서 오셨죠?"라며 다가오는 두 명의 남학생이 있었다. 졸업 학기를 남기고 게으름이 죄가 되지 않는 곳에 오고 싶었다나. 둘 중 하나는 인물이 훤했고 언변이 매끄러웠다. 화제를 이끄는 솜씨가 좋았는데 어느새 눈을 뜬 L도 간간이 이야기를 거들었다. 해가 지기 전에 두 사람 사이에 생겨난 호감을 일행 모두 느낄 수 있었다. 저녁에 L의 컨디션은 회복됐고, 일행은 여섯으로 불어났다. 2 몇 안 되는 조조 관객은 모두 나갔고 화장실이 급했던 일행도 나갔다. 나도 나가야지. 근데 허리에도 다리에도 힘이 들어가지 않았다. 뇌는 일어서라는 신호를 온몸 구석구석에 보내고 있는데 몸이 먹통이 됐다. 에라 모르겠다, 극장 바닥에 몸을 웅크려 내려놓고 꾸준히 굴러서 통로를 빠져나왔다. 나는 아픈가. 몸에 통증이 있으면 확인하는 습관이 있다. 이건 아픈 건가, 이전에 없었던 낯선 통증인가, 금방 사라질 것 같은가. 통증을 인정하지 않으려는 것은 습관이다. 지금은 아픈 건가. 로비까지 굴러나와서는 바닥에 완전히 퍼졌다. 상태가 절망적인데 몰골이 웃겨서 눈물과 웃음이 동시에 나왔다. 화장실에서 돌아온 일행과 극장 스태프가 침착하게 택시를 불러줬다. '아..대형병원 응급실만은 안돼...' 피하고 싶었지만 어쩔 수 없었다. 아픈 데가 없으니 힘만 회복해서 집에 가고 싶었으나 검사실 몇 군데를 돌았고 원인을 못 찾았고 얼은 빠졌고 침상에 완전히 뻗었다. 나흘 동안 잠을 못 잤다는 말은 했던가. 통증이 없는 아픔은 곤란하구나. 옆 병상에는 머리가 아프다고 구슬프게 우는 아이가 있었다. 지독한 두통인 것 같았다. 커튼을 걷고 옆 병상에 다가가 손이라도 잡아주고 싶었다. 아이는 이전에도 왔었고 다른 병원에도 갔었던 것 같다. 몇 명의 발소리가 들렸고 목소리가 들렸다. "저희가 더 해드릴 것이 없습니다." 조금만 더 따뜻하게 말해줄 수는 없을까. 아이의 엄마가 아니라 아픈 아이에게 직접, 체온만큼만 따뜻하게 말을 건넬 수는 없는 걸까. 저렇게 아프다고 우는데. 3 작년 여름, 엄마는 척추관 협착증 진단을 받았다. 이렇게 될 때까지 아프지 않았느냐는 질문에는 뭐라고 대답하셨을까. 엄마가 아프다고 할 때는 심각하게 아픈 거니까 그냥 넘기면 절대 안된다. 남은 건 수술뿐이고 받아온 약은 소염제와 진통제뿐인 것 같았다. 7분 거리를 오는데 두 번이나 길가에 앉아 쉬셔야 했다. 이 길을 도대체 몇 번이나 왕복했던가. 사뿐사뿐, 종종종, 때로는 성큼성큼 걷는 엄마는 이제 없는 건가. 길가에 앉아 쉬는 엄마의 머리 위로 그 길을 걷던 30대의, 40대의, 50대의, 60대의 엄마가 지나갔다. 아..씨. 추석 차례를 생략한 집은 어딘가 휑했고, 엄마는 몇 군데 병원들을 다녀서 진단을 종합했고 면접법을 통해 동네 아줌마들의 임상사례를 모은 결과를 발표했다. "내 수술은 최대한 미룬다." "엄마 정도로 나쁘면 적당한 운동도 없대. 무리하면 절대 안된대. 추석 차례도 쉬었는데." 연말 모임에 자꾸 뭘 만들려고 하는 엄마를 보니 이만저만 속상한 게 아니었다. 40분이 경과하자 엄마 이마에 식은땀이 환시처럼 보인다. 사위들 앞에서 드러눕고 싶지 않은 자존심은 알겠는데, 통증을 한계까지 참는 그 습관 때문에 절벽 같은 진단밖에 손에 쥔 것이 없지 않은가 말이다. 기어이 엄마 속을 긁어 놓고 서울로 돌아왔다. 그러니 설 연휴를 앞두고 비상이 아닐 수 없다. "내가 이틀 먼저 내려갈게." "나 요즘 한 시간 반 걷는다. 진통제도 안 먹고 아무 약도 안 먹어." 뭐라고요?!! 말씀은 이렇다. 집에만 있자니 곧 치매가 올 것 같았단다. 아프기 전에 늘 걷던 산책 코스에 컨디션 좋던 어느날 한번 나가봤단다. 5분을 걸었더니 통증이 좀 있어서 다시 5분을 걸어 집으로 돌아왔단다. 이렇게 매일 매일, 하루도 거르지 않고 마음의 어떤 한계까지 절반을 접어 걸어갔다가 다시 나머지 절반을 걸어 돌아왔단다. 목표는 30초라도 어제보다 더 걷는 것. 이렇게 어느새 90분을 쉬지 않고 걷게 되셨다는 것이다. 비일상적인 통증이 느껴지면 약 대신 음식을 연구해서 간식 메뉴(아로니아, 참깨, 바나나 같은 것)를 적절한 양으로 풍성하게 드신 것이 또 다른 노력이고. 엄마는 자신의 통증을 꾸준하고 차분하게 바라보는 겨울을 보내는 중이지만, 나는 엄마의 통증을 어떻게 이해해야 할지 모르겠다. Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 133 Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 146 Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 161 3 이 게시판에 등록된 이건마치님의 최근 게시물 |
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71815 class="iamcmt" style="display:none;"> Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 66
71815 class='vcm '>
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Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 121
71815'> 솔로왕
Warning: Use of undefined constant mod_date - assumed 'mod_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 133
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 140
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 140
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 142
17/02/25 04:51
71815>삭제 주소복사
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 150
많은걸 느끼게 하는글 감사합니다
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 158
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 166
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 171
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 158
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 166
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 171
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
71815>
71815>
