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홍차넷
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티타임
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/bbs_title.php on line 21
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- 다양한 주제에 대해 자유롭게 글을 작성하는 게시판입니다.
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전체기타일상/생각꿀팁/강좌방송/연예도서/문학영화의료/건강문화/예술경제생활체육과학/기술철학/종교정치요리/음식역사여행육아/가정IT/컴퓨터음악창작게임스포츠사회오프모임
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Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 2
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| Date |
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 53 17/02/18 03:27:15 Warning: Use of undefined constant mod_date - assumed 'mod_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 56 |
| Name | 와인하우스 |
| File #1 | 1.jpg (42.8 KB), Download : 3 |
| Subject | 못다한 말들. 맴도는 말들. |
 당신이 결혼한다는 소식을 들었어요. 축하해야 하는 게 먼저겠지만, 못된 나는 '올 것이 왔네'라는 생각밖에 떠오르지 않네요. 참 이기적이죠. 내가 당신의 삶에 어떤 존재랍시고 주제넘게 그런 아쉬움을 가질 수 있는 걸까요. 우린 이젠 잘 기억나지도 않는 옛 추억의 일부만을 공유했던 사이고, 그 추억이 지나간 후에 우리가 만났던 건 1년에 한 번 꼴에 불과하니까요. 이기적이라, 그건 당신에 대한 내 마음 자체에도 적용될 수 있는 말입니다. 나는 당신이 내게 해준 말들과 정성어리고 상냥한 태도(이런 평범한 말로밖에 당신을 표현할 수 없다는 점에서 극도의 자괴감을 느낍니다)에서 지고의 고귀함을 느끼고 그것을 평생 간직할 생각이지만, 반대로 내가 당신이란 사람에게 그만한 관심이 있다고는 스스로도 생각하지 않거든요. 한 편으론 그래서 이 마음을 지금까지 들키지 않고 숨길 수 있었다고, 나름 성공했다는 생각을 하고 있어요. 이것이 먹을 수 없는 곳에 있는 포도를 보는 여우의 마음과 같은 것이라 오해를 살 만한 일이긴 해요. 하지만 나는 당신을 독점하거나 연애적인 일상을 공유하고 싶다는 생각 따위는 단 한 번도, 무의식에서조차도 가진 적이 없었으니 그것은 틀린 말입니다. 나는 당신을 로테로써가 아니라 베아트리체로써 사모했습니다. 그리고 그걸 내 안에서 완전히 결론 내린 뒤부터는 당신을 위한 자리를 마음 한 곳에 조용히 만들어 두었을 뿐, 더 이상 당신을 꿈꾸며 잠을 설치는 일 따위는 하지 않게 되었죠. 그러나, 단 한 번이라도 좋으니, 마지막으로 당신과 단둘이 만날 수 있었다면. 지금껏 맴돌고 있는 이야기를 털어놓을 기회가 주어졌다면. 하늘이 내게 마지막으로 용기란 것을 가슴에 쥐어줬다면. 당신 덕에 나는 자기 학대를 그만 두고 세상을 있는 그대로 받아들일 수 있게 되었어요. 나름대로 멋도 부릴 줄 알게 되었고, 여전히 하루 벌어 하루 먹고 살지만 말투도 부드러워지고 때로는 주변 사람들에게 작은 선물을 할 만큼 마음의 여유도 갖게 되었죠. 밝아졌다는 말도 많이 들었어요. 그때나 지금이나 여전히 히키코모리지만, 지금의 나는 '긍정형 히키코모리'라고 할 수 있다구요. 당신을 딱 한 번만이라도 더 보고 싶었어요. 그 고마움을 전하고 싶어서, 나의 변화를 보여주고 싶어서. 당신의 기억 속에 나를 그 꼬질꼬질했던 모습으로 남겨두고 싶지 않아서요. 한 가지 알고 싶은 게 있어요. 내가 가끔씩 감정을 주체 못하고 당신에게 안부를 묻는 체 하면서 장문의 편지(실은 카톡)를 보냈던 때마다, 당신은 길게는 며칠이나 되는 시간차를 두고 아주 정성어린 답장을 보내주었죠. 심지어는 답장이 필요 없다고 했을 때조차 말이에요. 그 때 내게서 당신을 좋아한다는 감정을 발견했던 건가요, 아니면 귀찮았지만, 모든 이에게 상냥하고 애정어린 당신의 천부적인 기질을 발휘했던 건가요. 당신과 교감할 때마다 날아갈 듯이 행복했지만, 사실 옛 기억의 노스탤지어가 없다면 나는 당신에게 아무 것도 아니라는 사실 역시 알고 있었죠. 내향적인 사람으로서 나는 당신과 동질감을 느꼈지만, 당신과 실질적으로 어떤 공유할 것이 없는 이상 본질적인 동질감 같은 건 그저 그뿐임에 불과하니까요. 나는 당신을 숭배했지만 나를 부정하면서까지 당신을 추구하지는 않았습니다. 그런 이기적인 모습이 은연중에 분명히 드러났을 내가, 무례하다고 느끼지는 않았나요. 이제 영원히 꺼낼 수 없는 말들. 시답잖은 농담이나 어리숙한 척으로 대화를 이끌려는 바보 같은 짓 말고, 이런 얘기를 하고 싶었어요. 하지만 너무 늦어버린 지금 내가 할 수 있는 말은 이것뿐이겠죠. '와 누나 축하해요. 결혼식 꼭 갈 테니까, 그때 봐요 ㅎㅎ' 안녕, 나의 베아트리체여. 이 글은 픽션일 수도 아닐 수도 있습니다. Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 133 Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 146 Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 161 4
이 게시판에 등록된 와인하우스님의 최근 게시물 |
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Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 644
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 646
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 646
Warning: Use of undefined constant HTTP_HOST - assumed 'HTTP_HOST' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/cmt_replace.php on line 3
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 6
Warning: Use of undefined constant file_name - assumed 'file_name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 28
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 65
70625 class="iamcmt" style="display:none;"> Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 66
70625 class='vcm '>
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 70
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 71
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 76
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 117
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 118
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 119
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 120
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 121
70625'> 에밀
Warning: Use of undefined constant mod_date - assumed 'mod_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 133
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 140
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 140
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 142
17/02/18 03:29
70625>삭제 주소복사
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 150
저는 거짓말쟁이입니다. 이 말은 거짓말일 수도 아닐 수도 있습니다. 저는 거짓말쟁이일까요, 아닐까요. 그러고 보니 다행인지, 전 아직 좋아하던 사람의 결혼 소식을 들어본 적은 없네요.
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 158
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 166
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 171
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 158
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 166
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 171
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
70625>
70625>
