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홍차넷
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티타임
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- 다양한 주제에 대해 자유롭게 글을 작성하는 게시판입니다.
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전체기타일상/생각꿀팁/강좌방송/연예도서/문학영화의료/건강문화/예술경제생활체육과학/기술철학/종교정치요리/음식역사여행육아/가정IT/컴퓨터음악창작게임스포츠사회오프모임
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| Date |
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 53 16/07/29 15:35:57 Warning: Use of undefined constant mod_date - assumed 'mod_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 56 |
| Name | 세인트 |
| Subject | 터진 내 새우등. |
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아래의 글은 최근에 제가 PGR21에 올린 글입니다. 그래서 PGR 관련 내용이 그대로 들어가 있습니다만, 업무도 바쁘고 심적으로 많이 힘들기도 하고 해서 여러 가지 이유로 수정 없이 그대로 올립니다. 그곳에서 말한 걸 왜 가져왔나 하시는 분도 계시겠지만, 정말로 정말로 이야기를 하고 싶었습니다. [그들이 실제적으로 무슨 피해를 줬느냐? 오히려 남자들이 지금껏 그래왔던게 문제지] 라는 말들이 여기저기서 나오고 있고, 그러한 발언의 의도는 공감합니다만 정말로 그 사이에서 피해를 받는 사람도 있을 수 있다는 것을 이야기하고 싶었습니다. 예-전에 하던 커뮤니티에서 전설의 키배러로 유명하셨던 분께서 말씀하시길, [그런 식으로 사안마다 케바케를 들먹이며 나는 아닌데? 라고 하는 방법은 잘못된 것이고 키배할 마음도 안나는 거지같은 놈들이다] 라고 하신 적도 있으십니다만, 그럼에도 피해를 본 걸 안 봤다고 할 수는 없으니 글을 올리게 되었습니다. 아래는 올렸던 글 전문입니다. 이 글을 쓰기까지 사실 꽤 많은 고민을 했습니다. 솔직히 말씀드리자면, 건게에 다른 분께 부탁드려서 익명으로 올려도 되는지 여쭤봤습니다. 현실적인 상황을 고려하지 않을 수 없고, 제가 이 이야기를 꺼냈을 때 지금까지 들은 반응들이 전부 호의적인 건 아니었거든요. 아무튼 그럼에도 불구하고 이 이야기를 쓰려고 마음먹게 된 것은, [잘 모르면 나대지 말자] 라는 스스로의 기준 때문에 (타인에게 이 기준을 적용할 생각은 없습니다 그래서도 안 된다고 생각하고) 그래서 (지인들과의 카톡 같은 경우를 제외하자면) 이번 일련의 사태들에 대해 별 코멘트 없이 쭉 침묵해왔습니다만... 다만, '그들이 실제로 얼마나 피해를 줬느냐? 실제 남성들이 여성들에게 입히는 피해가 훨씬 크지 않느냐?' 라는 이야기가 몇 번 언급되서... 용기를 내서 글을 쓰게 되었습니다. 핵심부터 말씀드리자면, 저는 남성이지만 성폭행의 피해자였습니다. 트라우마에서 벗어나는 데 몇 년이 걸렸는지 모르겠습니다. 이제 십 몇년이 더 된 이야기인데도, 그래요. 생각만큼 쉽지 않네요. 분명히 벗어났다고 생각하고 세월도 꽤 흘렀는데, 이 글을 쓰려고 생각을 정리하는 데에도 호흡이 어지럽고 정신이 없네요. 아무튼 피해 내용에 대해서는 굳이 더 자세히 언급하고 싶지 않습니다. 그것이 본질도 아니거니와, 외려 힘내서 이야기를 털어 놓아도 저에게 돌아오는 이야기들은 [그래서, 했냐 안 했냐? / 너도 좋았지? / 사내 자식이 뭘 그런 걸 가지고] 와 같은 정말로 저를 너무나 힘들게 하던 이야기들 뿐이었거든요. 뿐만 아니라, [너 하나보다 조직의 안전이 우선이다 / 너도 좋았으니 적극적으로 거부하지 않은 것이 아니냐 / 니가 이걸 공개하고 편하게 살 것 같으냐 / 너도 내심 바랬으니 따라간 것 아니었느냐] 이런 발언들로 더 짓밟히고 재차 삼차 죽었던 저 자신을 생각하면 사실 딱히 특출난 것 없는, 한국 사회 어디에나 찾아볼 수 있는 흔한 위계에 의한 성폭력 그 이상도 이하도 아니었으니까요. 다시 말씀드리지만, 제가 특출나게 억울한 사람도 아니고, 저와 같은 피해를 당한 (물론 대부분의 피해자분들은 여성분이시겠지만) 분들의 심정을 제가 헤아릴 수 있을 만큼 제가 높은 식견과 인격을 가진 사람은 결단코 아니며, 오히려 저런 현실의 벽에 부딪혀서 타협해 버리고 몇 년 간을 [그래 내가 잘못했지 내가 처신을 잘못해서 그래] 이런 생각으로 몇 년을 사람 같지도 않게 살았던 그런 일개인일 뿐입니다. 그럼에도, 이야기는 해야 겠습니다. 저는 남성을 성적으로 어떻게 해버리겠다/위해를 가하겠다/폭력을 행사하겠다 라는 글이 무섭습니다. 솔직히 진짜로 무섭습니다. 제가 멘탈이 유리멘탈에 병신 같은 놈이라 그런지 몰라도, 정말로 무섭습니다. 심지어 오래 지났고 극복했다고 생각했고 가정을 꾸려서 가장으로 잘 살고 있다고 생각한 지금에 와서도 여전히 무섭습니다. 덧붙여 그렇기 때문에 더더욱 후회합니다. 여성들에게 행해져온 무차별적인 언어폭력과 성적 대상화에 불편함을 느껴왔으면서도 크게 소리높여 목소리 내지 않고 침묵했던 제 자신을 후회합니다. 그렇지만 그렇다고 해서 이것이 제 업보라서 저와 같은 사람들(얼마나 될런지 모르겠지만)이 이러한 폭력에 공포를 느끼는 것이 당연한 것인지는 동의할 수가 없습니다. 미안합니다. 논리도 잘 갖추지 못했고, 글을 조리있게 쓰는 편도 아닙니다. 거기다 다시 본의 아니게 떠올리다보니 더더욱 정신이 제 정신이 아닌 기분이라 글이 정말 두서없을 것 같습니다. 그럼에도 저와 같은 의견이 단지 소수니까 상관없어 라고 생각하진 말아주셨으면 합니다. 소수지만 있다구요. 정말요...... 고래 싸움에 터진 새우 기분을 이제 절절히 느껴보네요. 아직 제 멘탈의 외피는 갑각류처럼 튼튼하지 못한가 봅니다. P.S: 몇 년쯤 전에, 이와 비슷한 성희롱 이슈에 휘말렸을 때, 제가 혹 여기 PGR이나 홍차넷에 계실지도 모르는 저의 지인분들께 굉장히 민감하게 반응했던 것도 솔직히 이제와 고백하자면 그런 이유 때문에 그렇게 제가 지나치다 싶을 정도로 불쾌함과 공포를 드러낸 것이었습니다. 그 때 그 분들은 지금 돌이켜 생각해보면 '이 정도 섹드립 가지고 남자가 왜 저리 발광해서 날뛰냐?' 라고 생각하셨을 수도 있을 것 같아요. 한참이 지나서 이제와서 변명 같은 고백을 해서 죄송합니다. Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 133 Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 146 Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 161 4
이 게시판에 등록된 세인트님의 최근 게시물
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Warning: Use of undefined constant grant_delete - assumed 'grant_delete' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 577
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 425
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 429
Warning: Use of undefined constant use_formmail - assumed 'use_formmail' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 605
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 599
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 599
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 600
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 600
Warning: Use of undefined constant is_admin - assumed 'is_admin' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 605
Warning: Use of undefined constant is_admin - assumed 'is_admin' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 605
Warning: Use of undefined constant is_admin - assumed 'is_admin' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 609
Warning: Use of undefined constant is_admin - assumed 'is_admin' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 609
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 614
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 616
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 618
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 618
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 612
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 612
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 620
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 628
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 628
Warning: Use of undefined constant HTTP_HOST - assumed 'HTTP_HOST' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 640
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 644
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 646
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 646
Warning: Use of undefined constant HTTP_HOST - assumed 'HTTP_HOST' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/cmt_replace.php on line 3
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 6
Warning: Use of undefined constant file_name - assumed 'file_name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 28
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 65
49507 class="iamcmt" style="display:none;"> Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 66
49507 class='vcm '>
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 70
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 71
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 76
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 117
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 118
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 119
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 120
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 121
49507'> Raute
Warning: Use of undefined constant mod_date - assumed 'mod_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 133
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 140
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 140
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 142
16/07/29 16:08
49507>삭제 주소복사
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 150
[그래서, 했냐 안 했냐? / 너도 좋았지? / 사내 자식이 뭘 그런 걸 가지고]
이거 진짜 잔인한 얘기죠. 지인 중에 성폭행까지는 아니더라도 거의 반강제로 첫 경험을 한 남자가 있는데 이후 성생활은 물론이거니와 연애에서도 어려움을 겪더군요.
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 158
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 166
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 171
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
이거 진짜 잔인한 얘기죠. 지인 중에 성폭행까지는 아니더라도 거의 반강제로 첫 경험을 한 남자가 있는데 이후 성생활은 물론이거니와 연애에서도 어려움을 겪더군요.
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 158
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 166
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 171
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
49507>
49507>
