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홍차넷
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티타임
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- 다양한 주제에 대해 자유롭게 글을 작성하는 게시판입니다.
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전체기타일상/생각꿀팁/강좌방송/연예도서/문학영화의료/건강문화/예술경제생활체육과학/기술철학/종교정치요리/음식역사여행육아/가정IT/컴퓨터음악창작게임스포츠사회오프모임
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| Date |
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 53 16/04/05 01:20:55 Warning: Use of undefined constant mod_date - assumed 'mod_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 56 |
| Name | ORIFixation |
| Subject | 어느날의 술자리 |
|
의식의 흐름을 기억해서 잡글을 써봅니다 크크 주말이면 으레 술을 마신다. 술자리의 멤버도 잘 바뀌지 않는다. 대학 동창, 고등학교 동창들 십수년이 지나도 자리를 지키는 사람들은 그대로이다. 하던대로 앉아서 술을 시키고 한잔 두잔 마셔가며 근황과 그 자리에 없는 놈들의 욕과 학창시절 이야기들을 늘어놓는다. 참 지겹지도 않은가 싶기도 하다가 결국은 그 이야기들은 이야기대로 재미가 있는 편이다. 술도 올라오고 그놈들의 여자친구들도 합석을 했다. 왠지 쓸쓸해서 여친에게 전화를 해보지만 학회 회식으로 정신없는 도중에 전화를 받을리는 없다. 담배를 한대 피우고 들어가보니 정신과 친구놈은 술이 오르면 하는 성격분석 중이다. "너는 먼가 일본인 같은 느낌이야." "무슨 소리여 그건 또 크크크." "음... 굉장히 남에게 피해를 주기 싫어하는 그런?" 음... 생각을 좀 해보니 그런거 같기도 하다. 남에게 한 소리하는 것도 싫어하고 피해를 끼치기도 싫어하지만 그만큼 나를 불편하게 하는 사람들은 어느샌가 내 인생에서 쳐내버리고 난 후다. 본질적으로 남에게 큰 기대 자체를 하지 않는거 같다. 사람은 바뀌지 않는다가 내 신조기도 하고 안맞는 사람에게 맞추거나 그 사람을 바꾸려하기 보다는 그냥 맞는 사람을 찾는 편이 서로를 위해서 좋다고 생각하는 편이기도 하다. 누누히 주장하던 말이 "사람이 바뀔거면 대체 좋은 사람을 왜 힘들게 뽑냐, 아무나 뽑아다가 교육하면 되지" 였기에 아랫년차에게도 자율성을 항상 강조했었다. 이런 이야기를 하다 보니 전에 잠시 만나던 사람 생각이 난다. 날 바꾸는 것이, 내가 바뀌는 것이 자기에 대한 사랑을 증명하는 것인냥 끊임없이 내 정신을 흔들려고 했고 날 바꾸려고 했고 결국엔 바뀌지 않는 나에게 지친다며 떠나긴 했지만. 생각에 잠겨 있다가 보니 동창과 여자친구는 결혼 후에 경제권을 누가 가질것인지에 대해 티격태격 중이다. 내가 서로가 번돈은 각자 생활비를 내고 알아서 쓰는 것이 좋지 않겠냐고 했다가 여자친구'들'에게 난타를 당했다. 잠시 여자친구가 보고 싶었다. 이해는 잘 못하겠지만 나름들의 생각이 있겠지. 사람들을 변화시키려 함은 그 사람에 대한 애정의 반증이기도 한거 같다. 나도 예전엔 그랬을지도 모르지만 그때는 내가 변하지 않는 사람에 지치고 상처받아서 먼저 떠났을거다. 가장 슬픈 사랑이 짝사랑인 이유가 그 사람을 변화시킬 수 없기 때문이라는 말이 그래서 맞다. 서로 변하지 않을 본심 위에 끊임없이 변하는 표면이 있을진데 차라리 사람이 변하지 않는다는 것을 믿는 편이 편하지 않을까. 내가 변화시킬 수 없다면 수용할 수 있을 정도의 다른점을 가진 사람을 만나려 노력했고 지금은 그렇게 됐다고 믿고싶다. 많은 유부남들은 너가 생각하는 이상의 무언가가 기대리고 있다고는 하지만. 오늘은 술보다는 안주가 더 많다. 술은 소맥 사케 막걸리,, 종류는 다양하지만 양은 많지 않다. 아무래도 여자친구들이 끼어있는 술자리는 안주가 더 많게되기 마련이다. 술에 취하고 이야기에 취하고 어디선가 은은하게 피워놓은 인도의 향에 취하며 술자리는 끝이 보인다. 시간이 늦었지만 왜인지 먼저 일어나자고 하기는 싫다. 사람들에게 어느정도 거리를 두고 싶지만 사람이 옆에 있었으면 하는 모순된 기분 속에서 이유모를 허기가 진다. 여자친구들이 피곤해 하는 기색들을 보이며 그날의 술자리도 끝이 났다. 다들 여자친구들을 배웅해주러 떠났고 난 쓸쓸함과 허기를 느꼈다. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ 쓰고보니 참 두서없는 글입니다. 게시판을 일기장으로 사용해서 죄송한 마음이...;;; Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 133 Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 146 Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 161 2 |
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35482 class="iamcmt" style="display:none;"> Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 66
35482 class='vcm '>
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 70
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 71
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 76
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 117
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 118
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 119
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 120
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 121
35482'> damianhwang
Warning: Use of undefined constant mod_date - assumed 'mod_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 133
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 140
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 140
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 142
16/04/05 01:50
35482>삭제 주소복사
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 150
죄송한 김에 술 한번 사시죠 ;-) ㅋㅋㅋ;
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 158
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 166
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 171
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 158
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 166
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 171
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
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