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홍차넷
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티타임
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- 다양한 주제에 대해 자유롭게 글을 작성하는 게시판입니다.
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전체기타일상/생각꿀팁/강좌방송/연예도서/문학영화의료/건강문화/예술경제생활체육과학/기술철학/종교정치요리/음식역사여행육아/가정IT/컴퓨터음악창작게임스포츠사회오프모임
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| Date |
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 53 24/08/03 01:52:22 Warning: Use of undefined constant mod_date - assumed 'mod_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 56 수정됨 |
| Name | 셀레네 |
| Subject | 불안장애? |
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이번 불금에 생각해둔거를 적어둔다. 쉴새없이 몰려드는 일과 사람들의 불안한(혹은 따가운) 시선, 고립된 내 자신을 바라보면서 생각이 많지만 도통 정리가 잘 안되었다. 요즘 도통 잠을 잘 못잔다. 자다깨다 하는 일이 반복되고 집에 돌아오면 아무것도 못하고 무기력하게 누워있는 날이 많아졌다. 책 읽는거랑 미술원 다니는 거 외에는 거의 손을 다 놨다. 뭐 하는것 조차도 버겁다. 운동을 해야지 하면서도 지극히 정적인 인간이라 헬스 피트니스는 오히려 몸만 피곤해질 것 같다고 여겨 일부러 안한다. 회사에서 업무가 바뀌었다. 이제 한달이 다되어간다. 일을 할 때 마다 실수한다. 어디선가 무슨 문제가 펑펑 터진다. 안하려고 발버둥 치지만 그러면 그럴수록 늪에 빠져든다. 하루라도 빨리 안정화 시키고 내 자리를 잡아야 할 때 너무 힘들다. 사무직이지만 내 업계와 포지션은 사람 상대하는 업무가 절반을 차지한다. 전화 응대도 많다. 책상에 앉아 무언가를 처리하려고 하면 상사나 동료가 다가와 이거해라 저거해라 아우성치거나 질책하거나 현장이며 다른(혹은 상위) 업체에서는 전화와 카톡이 울려퍼지고 어떨 때는 수십통식 온다. 가뜩이나 단기기억력도 썩 좋지 않은 마당에 그럴 때면 불안함과 패닉에 빠져들 때가 많다. 전화 응대도 하는 와중에 A를 처리하면 B,C를 놓치게 될 때가 있고 A를 처리했어도 욕을 먹는다. 전화 응대할 때 한번에 말귀 못알아듣는다..여러 사람들이 요청한 건들을 바로바로 처리 못할 때가 있는데 어떤 사람은 쟤는 좀 어딘가 불안해 라는 식으로 내 주변 상사와 동료에게 입을 턴다. 나는 문제있는 애로 그렇게 낙인 찍힌다. 사람들은 구구절절을 싫어한다. 즉문즉답을 원한다. 마치 즉석에서 나오는 철판요리 같은 그런 즉문즉답. 못하면 그저 변.명하는거다. 살기 위해 달달 외우고 사람들이 말하는 거와 행동 하나하나를 끊임없이 눈에 안띄게 지켜본다. 특정 실수를 반복하게 되니 신뢰를 잃게 된다. 내 행동 하나하나 주시한다. 전에는 그냥 넘어가다가 저런 이유로 내가 한 서류나 도면 한 글자도 깐깐하게 검토하고 마음에 안들면 트집잡는다. 사람들은 다들 나를 불안한 시선으로 보고 있다. 아무도 내 말을 믿어주지 않는다. 의심부터 한다. 나는 또 불안해서 말을 어버버한다. 불안하면 전화할 때 들었던 내용도 잊어버릴 때가 있다. 질책을 들으면 표정이 굳어지고 패닉에 빠지기도 한다. 당연하다. 직장인데. 이런 내 모습을 봐주겠는가. 내가 불안장애이든 ADHD이든 눈에 보이는 이미지와 행동만 믿는다. 퇴근하고 나서는 지난 일 다 잊어버리고 곱씹지 말라고 하지만 지금의 나는 그럴 만큼 여유가 없다. 곱씹어야 하는 처지에 놓여있다. 끊임없이 내 실수를 되짚어보고 반성하고 메모하고 업무 메뉴얼을 복기한다. 그렇지 않으면 반에 반도 못 따라갈것같은 불안함에 휩싸인다. 혹시 이거 병이 아닌걸까? 왜 이런걸까 어떤 일을 하다가 여러 사람을 응대하면 왜 자꾸 불안한걸까? 불안하면 이해력도 덩달아 떨어진다. 솔직히 티타임에 글을 쓸까 말까 고민했다. 지금 내 꼬라지와 능력부족의 변명과 핑계를 광고하는 것만 같은 이 기분은 뭘까 싶기도 했다. 도대체 뭐가 문제일까 뭔가 일 처리 할 때 전화가 연속으로 오거나 상사의 질책과 간섭이 연속으로 이어지면 패닉 상태에 빠져든다. 그렇게 하면 실수하게 되는 패턴이 계속된다. 그냥 마음을 편안하게 먹기에는 내 자신에게 병이 있는 기분이 든다. 마치 피아노 연주 할 때 음이 제대로 연결되지 못하고 툭툭 끊기거나 악보를 이해하지 못해서 답답한 기분이랄까.. 너무 스트레스 받으면 피아노 악보도 못읽을 때도 많다. 게이름도 자꾸 틀린다. 정신과 약이라도 먹어야 그나마 좀 좋아질려나...? 나도 모르겠다. 너무 버겁다. 마음을 편히 먹어야지 하면서 금세 하루 이틀 지나면 마음이 약해지는 나..들어주는 사람이나 도와주는 사람없이 첩첩산중 적군에 포위된 성벽에서 불안에 떠는 나.. Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 133 Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 146 Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 161 2
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Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 646
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 646
Warning: Use of undefined constant HTTP_HOST - assumed 'HTTP_HOST' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/cmt_replace.php on line 3
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 6
Warning: Use of undefined constant file_name - assumed 'file_name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 28
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 65
194151 class="iamcmt" style="display:none;"> Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 66
194151 class='vcm '>
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 70
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 71
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 76
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 117
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 118
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 119
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 120
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 121
194151'> nothing
Warning: Use of undefined constant mod_date - assumed 'mod_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 133
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 140
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 140
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 142
24/08/03 02:54
194151>삭제 주소복사
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 150
업무 중 인터럽트가 많은 환경이시네요. 이야기만 들어도 어려움이 절절히 느껴집니다.
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 158
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 166
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 171
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 158
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 166
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 171
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
194151>
194151>
