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홍차넷
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Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/outlogin_toby.php on line 45
Warning: Use of undefined constant r - assumed 'r' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/outlogin_toby.php on line 47
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Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/outlogin_toby.php on line 34
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Warning: Use of undefined constant is_admin - assumed 'is_admin' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/zero_header.php on line 269
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/zero_header.php on line 300
Warning: Use of undefined constant title - assumed 'title' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/bbs_title.php on line 16
티타임
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/bbs_title.php on line 21
Warning: Use of undefined constant header - assumed 'header' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/bbs_title.php on line 31
- 다양한 주제에 대해 자유롭게 글을 작성하는 게시판입니다.
Warning: Use of undefined constant use_formmail - assumed 'use_formmail' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 519
Warning: Use of undefined constant use_category - assumed 'use_category' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/include/print_category.php on line 9
전체기타일상/생각꿀팁/강좌방송/연예도서/문학영화의료/건강문화/예술경제생활체육과학/기술철학/종교정치요리/음식역사여행육아/가정IT/컴퓨터음악창작게임스포츠사회오프모임
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| Date |
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 53 24/04/02 04:33:31 Warning: Use of undefined constant mod_date - assumed 'mod_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 56 수정됨 |
| Name | 소요 |
| Subject | 감사의 글 |
|
1. 학위논문 디펜스를 끝냈어요. 눈물을 주륵- 흘리거나 하지는 않았어요. 감정적인 파고는 적당한 수준이에요. 심드렁하기보다는 여러 감정들이 섞여서 오히려 절묘하게 균형을 유지하고 있어요. 이런 느낌은 다른 한 편으로는 쌓여있는 일거리들이 많아서도 커요. 여전히 굴러가는 프로젝트가 2개, 수정해야 하는 논문들이 2개, 쓰다가 멈춰둔 논문이 3개, 다음 주에 전미교육학회에서 발표하러 필라델피아로 가야하고, 학위논문 수정사항에도 대응해야 하고, 여름에 쪼개서 어디 내보려면 데이터도 확장해야 하고 흠... 무엇보다도 구직에 더 시간을 많이 써야하고요. 2. 유학을 떠나기 전에 홍차넷에 글을 올리며 원양어선에 탄다고 적었어요. 지금도 생각은 비슷해요. 타보니 통통배에 선장 하나 선원 하나인건 함정이기는 한데... 생선 잡아서 회도 좀 뜰 줄 알았더니 선장님이 "사실 여태까지 회는 동료가 떴어^^"하며 매운탕만 끓일 줄 아는 것도 함정이기는 한데... 어찌어찌 둘이서 멸치 좀 잡고, 가끔 참치도 잡고 하면서 우당탕탕 잘 지내왔어요. 코로나라는 파도가 한 번 몰아치기는 했지만, 저만 겪었던 것도 아니고 전 별 스트레스 없이 넘겼었어요. 왜 안정적이었는가를 돌이켜보면, 어선 타려고 준비할 때 정서적이든 인지적이든 많은 경험을 했어서 그래요. 주관적으로 느끼기에는 불안정한 정도가 컸었어요. 그 불안정성이 다양한 경험의 원인인지 결과인지는 모르겠어요. 그 과정들을 겪어내면서 우리가 삶에서 마주할 수 밖에 없을 필연적인 실패와 고통들에 대한 생각을 많이 했어요. 그게 힘든 마음들을 덜어주지는 않아요. 하지만 실패와 고통 앞에서 흔들리는 나나, 타자나, 혹은 관계 그 자체를 보다 긍휼한 마음으로 바라보는데 10g 정도는 도움이 되더라고요. 3. 불안정한 시기에 나와 타자의 삶들을 이해하기 위해 서사로 묶고 풀어보는 작업을 많이 했었어요. 일기를 쓰면서 나는 왜 이랬을까, 너는 왜 그랬을까 하는 일들이요. 그 안에서 의미를 찾아보려는 일들은 결국 미메시스(Mimesis)로서의 세계를 구축하는 작업일 수 밖에 없었어요. 이미 문화화 된 경험 자체를 다시금 타자에게 공유하기 위해 코드화 하는 과정 속에서 도려지는 작은 감정과 순간들이 많았어요. 하지만 그런 감정과 순간들을 버리는 것이 윤리적으로 옳지 않다는 생각이 들더라고요. 그래서 어느 정도 되었으면 다시 풀어버리고 또 다시 묶어버리고 하다가, 그저 마음 한 구석에 이름 붙이지 않고 가능한 오래 남겨두기로 한 감정과 순간들이 생겼어요. 영문학을 전공한 선배는, 불편하고 갑갑한 마음들에 익숙하도록 해주는 것이 문학의 힘이 아닐까 하는 이야기를 했어요. 삶은 우리가 막연히 기대했던 것 이상의 모습들을 보여주고, 우리가 계측할 수 있는 이상의 복잡성을 드러내며, 자신과 타자는 스스로가 믿는 그 이상으로 모순적인 존재일 수 밖에 없음에, 세계 내에서 살아가는 우리에게 불가해한 순간들은 언제나 주어져요. 그 불가해함이 고통스러운 누군가는 상징적으로 자신을 죽이거나 타자를 죽이거나 하는 식으로 마음을 지킬 방법을 찾아요. 그것이 '말이 그렇다는 거지~' 수준으로, 본인도 이 순간을 넘기기 위한 일시적인 마음의 행위라는 걸 알면 다행인데, 어떤 경우에는 그 죽음이 영구해서 생각보다 오래도록 상처를 입히더라고요. 그러니 우리는 불편하고 갑갑한 순간들에 익숙해져야 하는 것이 아닐까. 마음의 근육이란 불가해한 모순을 그대로 바라보는 힘을 주는 것이 아닐까. 이해할 수 없고 답답한 감정들을 길어내주는 문학의 일부가 그런 면에서 우리의 삶에 필요한 게 아닐까. 그런 생각을 종종 했어요. 4. 내가 나에게 건네는 내적 말에 어떤 서사를 담아야 할지도 종종 고민했어요. 언제나 그랬었는지 현대만 그러한지 모르겠지만, 주변은 자기연민의 서사로 가득차 있고, 그 연민이 자신을 벗어나 타인에게로 넘어가는 범위는 생각보다 좁더라고요. 저도 그런 자장에 항상 놓여있고요. 하지만 기왕이면 다른 서사를 - 그것이 설령 어떤 면에서 기만일지라도 - 만들어가는 것이 낫지 않나 싶어요. 2018년 여름이 너무 더웠어서 노가다 뛰다가 이건 물리적으로 죽겠다 싶었던 날들이 있었어요. 원양어선에서 일하던 처음에는 그 때 죽을만큼 더웠던 기억을 많이 썼어요. 아무리봐도 그 때랑 비교하면 지금이 천국 아닌가? 하는 마음이었죠 ㅋㅋ 하지만 점점 시간이 지나면서는 다른 기억과 경험들로 힘을 채워야겠다는 생각을 했어요. 교환학생 시절 프랑스 교수님이 유학 준비 때 뭐가 되든 자기가 도와줄 수 있는 것을 알려달라던 순간, 대학도 안 나온 동네 친구들이 멀리로 박사하러 간다니 모두 모여 고기를 구워주던 순간, 할머니 교수님이 어설픈 영어로 적은 과거의 성찰들에 감동했다고 칭찬해주던 순간, 어드바이저가 열심히 논문 작업 같이 하고 나서 5천만큼 고마워~라고 메일에 적어주던 순간, 오랜만에 한국 들어오면 다들 버선 발로 달려나와 회포를 풀고 얘기를 나누던 순간, 박사 학생회 친구들이랑 풀밭에서 고기 구워먹던 순간, 이제는 하늘로 간 친구랑 맥주 마시며 젠더 이슈나 박사생활에 대해 토론하던 순간, 어머니가 힘들면 언제든지 때려쳐도 된다고 하다가도 지금 과정이 석사니? 헷갈려해서 웃었던 순간, 동생들이 어색어색해하며 사랑한다고 힘내라고 하는 순간, 아내가 밥 안해주냐고 찡찡거리다가도 요리하다 피가 나니 울려고 하는 순간, 아내가 대학원에 합격해서 같이 댄스댄스 추던 순간 등등이요. 그런 기억들은 대부분 뜨겁기보다는, 따뜻한 감사의 순간들이었어요. 5. 그래서인가 논문 통과해서 축하받을 때보다, 오히려 학위논문 앞머리에 헌사와 감사의 글을 적을 때 눈물이 살짝 나더라고요. 그리고 감사의 대상 중 하나로 여기 홍차넷도 적었습니다. 다른 몇몇 모임들과 함께 소속감과 연결감을 제공해준 것에 감사하다고요. 님들은 이제 ProQuest Dissertations & Theses Global의 한 페이지의 한 줄로 들어가게 되신겁니다. 아무것도 모르고 유학 준비할 때 서류 작성 도와주시고 사람들을 소개해주신 기아트윈스님, 요리 레시피 알려주시고 연애 상담도 해주시고 항상 응원해주신 문학소녀님, 이래저래 불안하던 시절부터 서로 응원하면서 30대 초를 보낸 거소님께 특히 감사하다는 말을 남깁니다. 함께 몇 년 동안 일한 운영진 분들에게도 감사하다는 말을 남깁니다. 그리고 종종 과정을 공유할 때 응원해주셨던 회원님들과, 제가 하나씩 아이디를 적지는 못하지만 (본인도 예측 못하시겠지만) 마음으로 애정하는 많은 분들 ㅋㅋㅋㅋ, 어찌되었던 이 작은 공간에서 지지고 볶으며 함께 시간을 보내온 모든 분들에게 감사드려요. 그 작은 감사한 순간들이 쌓이고 쌓여 무사히 학위논문까지 마치게 되었어요. 박사 끝낸거야 작은 일이겠지만, 주변에 감사하는 마음은 그보다 더 컸으면 좋겠어요. Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 133 Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 146 Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view.php on line 161 74
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Warning: Use of undefined constant memo - assumed 'memo' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 185
Warning: Use of undefined constant use_comment - assumed 'use_comment' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 540
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 542
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 543
Warning: Use of undefined constant memo - assumed 'memo' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 545
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 576
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 577
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 577
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 577
Warning: Use of undefined constant grant_delete - assumed 'grant_delete' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 577
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 425
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 429
Warning: Use of undefined constant use_formmail - assumed 'use_formmail' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 605
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 599
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 599
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 600
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 600
Warning: Use of undefined constant is_admin - assumed 'is_admin' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 605
Warning: Use of undefined constant is_admin - assumed 'is_admin' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 605
Warning: Use of undefined constant is_admin - assumed 'is_admin' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 609
Warning: Use of undefined constant is_admin - assumed 'is_admin' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 609
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 614
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 616
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 618
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/lib.php on line 618
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 612
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 612
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 620
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 628
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 628
Warning: Use of undefined constant HTTP_HOST - assumed 'HTTP_HOST' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 640
Warning: Use of undefined constant name - assumed 'name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 644
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 646
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/view.php on line 646
Warning: Use of undefined constant HTTP_HOST - assumed 'HTTP_HOST' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/pb/cmt_replace.php on line 3
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 6
Warning: Use of undefined constant file_name - assumed 'file_name' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 28
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 65
191574 class="iamcmt" style="display:none;"> Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 66
191574 class='vcm '>
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 70
Warning: Use of undefined constant x - assumed 'x' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 71
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 76
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 117
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 118
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 119
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 120
Warning: Use of undefined constant ismember - assumed 'ismember' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 121
191574'> 거소
Warning: Use of undefined constant mod_date - assumed 'mod_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 133
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 140
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 140
Warning: Use of undefined constant reg_date - assumed 'reg_date' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 142
24/04/02 05:54
191574>삭제 주소복사
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 150
이것은 가문의 영광..!
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 158
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 166
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 171
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant level - assumed 'level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 158
Warning: Use of undefined constant password - assumed 'password' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 166
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 171
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 172
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant no - assumed 'no' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
Warning: Use of undefined constant vote - assumed 'vote' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/redtea/html/a_skin/bbsd/view_comment.php on line 173
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